friends outside of the internet

I was wondering if it is hard for anyone here to connect with other people face to face?

I have "friends" from my boyfriend racing and meeting people at the local track, but I don't really click with them as much as I would like to consider them as my own friends. My boyfriend is great friends with the guys of the group and works with some of them as well. They have inside jokes, text message each other, hang out with each other, pretty much what you would expect friends to do.

I have no friends like that. The females who are dating the men of my boyfriend's friends all get along with me, but we would never text or hangout just us girls. We just are not close like that. I have tried to get close to them like that by talking with them during get togethers or even trying to spark conversations when they aren't talking to anyone. I never seem to get anywhere, except for the dogs like me more each time I come over.

I just never seem to click with people who are willing to talk with me, and it seems weird especially since I am pretty outgoing and put effort into trying to get to know people I meet.

Does anyone else have a problem with clicking with other people?

[fire]

If my personal perspective may be of any support, I would say it's probably a matter of incompatibility on a soul level. I think the internet makes it easier to find matches that way, because it gives you access to the entire globe, as opposed to your local area.

Korryn92, You are'nt alone with this problem. I hav'nt made any new friends in years, My friends go back many years, way before there was an internet.

[John Elessar]

Originally Posted by fire

If my personal perspective may be of any support, I would say it's probably a matter of incompatibility on a soul level. I think the internet makes it easier to find matches that way, because it gives you access to the entire globe, as opposed to your local area.

[My bolding]

I've always wondered about that. It's not only adult women who seem...uncomfortable with me, but adult men too. Like yesterday I was on the beach collecting Gannet feathers (they are in the middle of a molt right now-had them as my avatar there for awhile, constantly amazed at how they plunge right into the surf like an arrow)



and as I'm walking down the beach I see this lone woman (with a dog). Well I guess she got one look at the weirdo with all the feathers in his hand and had enough because she went out of her way to avoid me, twice, instead of, oh I don't know, doing something completely unthinkable such as idly chatting it up with a fellow explorer and asking him about what he had found. I suppose the only thing you are allowed to collect from the beach are seashells, or people look at you like you are some sort of escapee from the psych ward.

And here I had been weirding myself all weekend out over how odd I am and how that seems to prevent me from connecting with women, and you know at that point, I just said to myself, "Well, here I am in all my glory and/or eccentricity-if you don't like it I'll just find someone who does!" Man where are people's sense of adventure and spontaneity? Quirkyalone indeed.

I have always wondered if it was an inability to connect on a soul level as well. I just thought i was being silly for thinking that friends needed to connect like that but it does make sense.

John - I like feathers too lol I have a little field being my house that I like to just simply walk around in during the summer to see what goodies I can find. I have found a red tailed hawk feather and a piece of a white tailed deer horn from getting into a confrontation with another deer and having it break off. You are not weird for wanting to collect interesting things from animals you enjoy learning about. I also like to sit outside at night to simply listen to the owls because i love those birds.

[twinkle]

John,
Today I had a doctor's appointment. I was seated underneath the TV so people were looking in my direction to watch the inauguration. However, I could not see the TV above me. As I was filling out paperwork, I overheard this old lady laughing about something related to the inauguration meal. She was asking why something was being done and someone said it was a custom. She said it was weird custom. I do not know what it was since I was half tuned out filling out paperwork. When I glanced up for a few seconds, I gave her a subtle smile. Then, I overheard her tell whoever she was with that someone smiled at her. The person asked her if she knew me. She said no,she must be nuts. I live in a state where it is uncommon for people to say hello to strangers. It makes me not want to be friendly. This is probably why I do not meet many people here.

[Tobi]

When you're in an online environment, on certain forums, websites etc that interest you, you're probably sharing with people who have the same interests as you in common, or similar mind-sets.
It sounds like you are just incompatible with these friends of your boyfriend/their girlfriends. No harm in that. I am a friendly person too, but if I just went into town, and to a group of people who were friends-of-a-friend/acquaintance, I would probably come away with the same feeling -not really being able to connect in a deep enough way for me to be able to call all these guys "my friends" too.

The dogs like you more and more each time....I love that. That's why I love dogs. Enough said!
Believe it -if that's the case -then you're OK!
Just apparently incompatible in some way with the people you're meeting with.

Is there some subject that really interests you?....I don't know....yoga, drama, weight training, line-drawing, helping at a local animal rescue, etc etc...? If so, then join some class, or group, and see where you go from there might be an interesting experiment in getting to know people with whom you have perhaps a better chance of having stuff in common?

[Lynn]

Hello

Its a common issue. What happens say on a fourm is that we are able to more connect with those that we share that common bond of interst with. There is none of the social face to face judgement issues as we do not know what the other looks like. Makes it easier to get on with someone. That does not mean that meeting them we would get on with them face to face. That would open a whole new door.

I took the bravest of steps forwards this last Summer when I went all the way to England ( note I have never been away alone ever ) to travel around with someone I met here that I only know on line and well Web Cam but still not in person. This person too was of the opposite sex, not that there is more than a friendship with us as we have families.

It went really well we did not miss a beat but it was in the back of me mind that once face to face the conversation at first might be a bit aukward.

We are social being but too we are solo beings. Much at times is self confidence in whom we are as a person that breaks down the social walls.


Lynn

Cant say I have a problem face to face communication at all, people probably wish that I did sometimes though.
Im a pretty confident person and words come easily for the most part, especially when speaking about something I feel strongly about..good or bad.

I find that I have more of a hard time posting on threads as these with the same confidence. Uncertainty seems to paralyze my braincells.

[Lynn]

Originally Posted by partofme

Cant say I have a problem face to face communication at all, people probably wish that I did sometimes though.
Im a pretty confident person and words come easily for the most part, especially when speaking about something I feel strongly about..good or bad.

I find that I have more of a hard time posting on threads as these with the same confidence. Uncertainty seems to paralyze my braincells.

Hello

Then try just letting it flow. Look at the screen as someone ye are talking to, that ye are a part of a conversation taking place. Not knowing where it will go. Let of of the thoughts and let the words flow.

In Toast Masters we are given exercises where ye draw a topic from a hat and it can be something silly at times or very personal or serious and ye have a slit second to think on what the say on the topic and ye are rated for the reply. it just flows.

Its the fear at times of the printed word once its down its down...but is it not the same with oral words once they are out there it is said.

Relax, breathe and share one's thoughts and feelings on a topic. See where that takes one. SF is the most open and accepting place I have ever come to find....its like an extended family at times.

Lynn