So confused

I'm totally and utterly confused. I know that I have a strong sense of being linked to the word Witch ( Although I don't feel ' Wise ). But as some people know who they are or what they are, I don't.

I have called upon the Lord and Lady for help on occasion, and I do feel that I was given the help that I called for.

I have done ' Casting' , I think I have the term correct, with Candles and words..Sorry if I'm not terming this right.

Both sorts of casting I truly believed in when doing so, and strongly felt that they worked. In fact I know they did. One of them I also asked for help from two other practicing ( do I call them Witches, or Wiccan? ),one wrote me some words down, and told me how and what to do. The other Sent me some Reiki Protection Crystals that she charged for me, and did me a Visualisation. Now I know these worked.

Before I went to the Wicca shop, where I was given the words to say, and told what else to do. I had also instinctively found some words very similar to those given to me, and already done what I was later told to do when I went to the shop. I don't know how I knew that I had to do and say the words that I did. But when I was told in the shop what to do, I had the weirdest feeling come over me, as I'd already ( without knowing if I was doing things correct ) done what I was just being advised of.

I hope I'm making sense.

As well as the strong sense towards the word Witch, and my practicing 'Spells'..only ever good ones for genuine reasons. I feel an almighty link with Nature, the Elements, Seasons, the Moon and Animals. I can't put into words or pin point exactly how I feel, I just feel attachment to all of them. I have a BOS that I do write in..but for as silly as this may sound..I feel that I can only write in it in Ink and with a Quill, which had to be one I made myself. I keep all my stuff in a box that I cleansed first. Because I feel it needs to be put away safe. I hate living in a house ( Nessessity makes me have too ), I feel live I'm in prison.

My confusion is, is, that I don't know who or what I am..am I a Witch? Am I Wiccan, Pagan, or am I a little of each. The more I try to read and relate to, the more confused I have become. The only word that strongly means anything to me is ' Witch ' and has done since I was little.

I feel slightly silly writing all of this, but feel that I need to ask someone that may be able to throw some light on what I actually am or seem to be.

MW.

[norseman]

MoonWillow, first and foremost, let us straighten out the "witch" thing. All wiccans are pagans but not all pagans are wiccan.
Wicca has two aspects - firstly it is a belief system, mostly devised in the 1950's by Gerald Gardner but based on earlier Earth/Fertility faiths. He also grafted on various rituals from other orders, such as Masonic Orders, Rosicrucians, etc.
Secondly, he included some Craft and called the whole bundle New Witchcraft.
Worth noting that many wiccans ignore the Craft side and concentrate on the belief. Using the Craft takes a good level of experience and know-how and there is much that can go wrong.
You say that you are drawn to Nature and all things relating. That firmly describes a pagan mind-set and I suggest that you concentrate on that aspect in order get more comfortable in who and what you are.
I would further suggest that you treat the "Wicca Shop" with a degree of caution. One thing that you will find essential in your journey of discovery is Meditation, learn and practice !
A while back I put together some simple guidelines for others in your situation and I would suggest that you give them a look.

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=7533

Now I know nothing about you, but I really do suggest you take it steady and dont get ahead of yourself.
Best of Luck, Moonwillow, and enjoy what is to come

Thanks for the link Norseman, it is a good read.

I take on board what you've said about using the craft, and totally agree that to do so properly takes a great level of experience.

I don't begin to come near to having that kind of experience, so the only ones I've done have been very simple ones..mainly for negative energies and help with things. Only good little ones for my own benefit.

When I knew I needed help with a more serious negative energy, is when I asked for help from those that do have that level of experience. Again it was purely for my benefit and not to cause harm to anyone involved. I try very hard to live by the rules of ' Three Fold '. I admire those that do have the experience of using the craft in the correct manner. But I can well imagine that an inexperienced person, such as myself, could very soon end up with problems trying to do things best left to those who can.

When I say that I have a strong link to nature, I don't mean that I go round hugging trees ..what I mean is that I feel completely at peace when ever I'm surrounded by it. I love to just sit and listen to the sounds around me, surrounded by woodland or fields or the sea..Some people only like certain seasons of the year, but I really enjoy all of them..love it when it's rained and everything smells fresh and clean..Is that what a Pagan is more about?..I would be happiest living in the middle of a woods in a cabin and away from everyone ( I'm not anti Social..honest..have lots of friends ), but although I know that that will never happen, thats where I feel my complete peace would be.

I appreciate your link and your reply..so "Thank you".

MW

[norseman]

"When I say that I have a strong link to nature, I don't mean that I go round hugging trees ..what I mean is that I feel completely at peace when ever I'm surrounded by it. I love to just sit and listen to the sounds around me, surrounded by woodland or fields or the sea..Some people only like certain seasons of the year, but I really enjoy all of them..love it when it's rained and everything smells fresh and clean..Is that what a Pagan is more about?..I would be happiest living in the middle of a woods in a cabin and away from everyone ( I'm not anti Social..honest..have lots of friends ), but although I know that that will never happen, thats where I feel my complete peace would be."

Thats sound about right, Moonwillow. I suppose I am a Nature nut . I formally dedicated to Gaia some decades back and all my Craft work is for Her benefit - conservation work etc.
There is another posting which might interest you. Link below
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4753

One can feel drawn to various spiritual beliefs w/o being limited by being defined by them. Many feel drawn to different parts of multiple belief systems.

As you feel compelled to write in your BOS w/ a quill it is likely that you are relating to a prior lifetime when this would have been the available writing instrument. Given your strong feelings about a house you might be relating to a prior existence as a being that didn’t need one. This could be a nonphysical being or a physical form such as a sea animal or bird.

Norseman, that link is brilliant. I related to so much that was written in it. It was saying about spiritual things, does that include spiritual as in Paranormal. I have on many occasions sensed and witnessed spiritual as in paranormal. I feel no fear from it, and enjoy knowing when a spirit is present.

I do prefer to be alone with my thoughts, and have a wonderful husband that knows how I feel about things, and that I have used the craft. He says that he accepts that I do, because it's what I believe in.

Sometimes when we go somewhere out into the wilds, I don't speak for a long time, I just sit and look at and listen to and take everything in. He sits with me and waits until I'm ready to just have conversation..then I think he wishes I was still sitting quiet haha.

I was interested when I read about the herbalism remedies and such. If I have a cold I never buy cold remedies. I make Natural Remedies and use them. The only other person I have made them for is my husband.

I was also interested to see about the Midwifery and basically nursing people side of things..I was for a while nursing staff on a renal ward. I would of loved to of worked in the delivery ward, but never got the chance to.

The part about making own tools, answers my strong need to make my own Quill for my BOS, even my box with all my tools in is one that I have got and am painting myself, no bought one for me...I could go on and on picking out the majority of this link as describing myself..I like the rebel part..I love nothing more than being on the back of my husbands trike riding through places like the Derbyshire Dales and Peak District with no helmet on, hair blowing everywhere ..and free...Now I feel that I'm seeing who I am.

Mattie- first of all, thank you for your reply.

One period in time that I particularly have a strong passion for is the Victorian Era..never known why, just know that it's a period in time that I have always been interested in..anything to do with the likes of the Victorian Kitchen Gardner or Victorian Farm, I have to sit and watch it..Not sure about my feeling of being in a prison in a house,and basically feeling suffocated when I'm there, and around built up areas..maybe one day I will be able to discover why I feel the need to be free..

MW.

[norseman]

Derbyshire Dales and Peaks ! The other end of the Yorkshire Dales !
To me paranormal is just the other side of the veil where my friends wait for me.
Big festival this Sunday in North Yorkshire near Ripon, Beltane ! We celebrate at Thornborough Henge [ old as Stonehenge ] and invoke the name of Brigantia, the patroness of the local Celtic confederation, the Brigantes.

http://www.sacredbrigantia.com

So, problem solved MoonWillow - Hedge Witch ! Do you feel the stirrings of the Cunning Fire ?

[HerzeleidMeister]

MoonWillow you may just be what they call a "natural witch". Which basically means you know basically how to go about spells and the right things to do. You do what "feels" right and it turns out right in the end. The thing for you to do to cut your confusion is do some research about the different practices within paganism to choose the proper path for you. For me I found that being a solitary practitioner was better for me because I'm pagan but also atheist. I follow some of the pagan teachings but not all I still do not believe in gods/goddesses etc. So the best thing for you is to find where you fit.

Norseman - Well I have to admit to preferring to do things myself. Trying things, learning things and seeing which works and which doesn't. I do tend to do things my own way...so I guess that I have the cunning fire

HerzeleidMeister_ Thank you for your reply. I'm feeling a lot less confused now than when I first came on here trying so desperately to work out just what I am.

I do tend to muddle my way through things, and in my own way. And, they do tend to give me the results that I aim for.

I'm not one for Altars, or Covens, I prefer to do things on my own, and where the feeling is right. Then I will do what feels right to me to do or say. Have to say that I have called upon the Lord and Lady on a few occasions. Guess that's what makes us the individuals we are. And interesting to each other.

Have to say I'm happier doing things that way.

I'm so pleased that I plucked up the courage to come on here and say how I felt.

I wish that I'd done this a lot earlier.

MW.

[HerzeleidMeister]

Originally Posted by MoonWillow

I'm not one for Altars, or Covens, I prefer to do things on my own, and where the feeling is right. Then I will do what feels right to me to do or say. Have to say that I have called upon the Lord and Lady on a few occasions. Guess that's what makes us the individuals we are. And interesting to each other.

This statement alone leads me to believe that solitary pratice maybe your best bet. Good luck and blessed be.