Why do I do this??

smARTistic girl · #1 08-11-2012, 05:05 PM

Ok, for a while now I have tried to come to terms with the fact that a long-term relationship may just not be in the cards for my twin and I. We love each other, truly like who the other person is, and wish we could spend a little more time together, but our circumstances just won't allow it. (age difference, me married, him dating, schedules in general)

I'd hoped that we could remain life-long friends, but that doesn't seem enough for him and I do believe he'd just like it if I went away. It feels like he sees no point in continuing if a friendship is all that can be. He's still very friendly in person, but won't usually respond to email or texts anymore. It makes me feel like I'm not important anyone, kind of a nag (something I have never come close to with anyone else -even my hubby) so for that reason and others, I'd love to honor that and pull back. It'd be good for me, too.

But everytime I do start to pull away, the universe literally inundates my life with signs and reminders and I get SO freaking emotional. And the weird thing is that the whole time I'm upset, I'm thinking "what is wrong? You want this. It's your choice!".

-__-

So thoughts... Why do I get so upset? How can I get past this and move on... because that's what I think should probably happen. I'm praying and meditating and focusing on improving me... all the things I know I should do. Nothing is working.

Your thoughts and advice are appreciated. (Even your's BeautifulLife. I'm not miffed with you, just in case you were wondering. ;)

#2 08-11-2012, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smARTistic girl

Ok, for a while now I have tried to come to terms with the fact that a long-term relationship may just not be in the cards for my twin and I. We love each other, truly like who the other person is, and wish we could spend a little more time together, but our circumstances just won't allow it. (age difference, me married, him dating, schedules in general)

I'd hoped that we could remain life-long friends, but that doesn't seem enough for him and I do believe he'd just like it if I went away. It feels like he sees no point in continuing if a friendship is all that can be. He's still very friendly in person, but won't usually respond to email or texts anymore. It makes me feel like I'm not important anyone, kind of a nag (something I have never come close to with anyone else -even my hubby) so for that reason and others, I'd love to honor that and pull back. It'd be good for me, too.

But everytime I do start to pull away, the universe literally inundates my life with signs and reminders and I get SO freaking emotional. And the weird thing is that the whole time I'm upset, I'm thinking "what is wrong? You want this. It's your choice!".

-__-

So thoughts... Why do I get so upset? How can I get past this and move on... because that's what I think should probably happen. I'm praying and meditating and focusing on improving me... all the things I know I should do. Nothing is working.

Your thoughts and advice are appreciated. (Even your's BeautifulLife. I'm not miffed with you, just in case you were wondering. ;)

I don't know if I missed this in one of your previous posts but when you say things like "we love each other"..."We wish we could spend more time together" and its seems like a friendship isn't enough for him....has he verbally validated these feelings to you or is this just your perception on how he feels.

Topaz · #3 08-11-2012, 05:24 PM

Hugs I would step out of the box and see it from another persons view point and smile . Become detached but not. in an aloof way . Your thoughts become your reality but sometimes we have too many expectations . I know I did and for all the signs , visions , dreams etc doesn't mean that there will be a happy ending . We are all on a journey and have free will to choose.

I realise now that my connection was past life and yes he is part of my soul group but sometimes the lesson is to say goodbye and move into a better energy .

Be gentle with yourself by empowering yourself . Good luck .

DARKEST_HOUR · #4 08-11-2012, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smARTistic girl

Ok, for a while now I have tried to come to terms with the fact that a long-term relationship may just not be in the cards for my twin and I. We love each other, truly like who the other person is, and wish we could spend a little more time together, but our circumstances just won't allow it. (age difference, me married, him dating, schedules in general)

I'd hoped that we could remain life-long friends, but that doesn't seem enough for him and I do believe he'd just like it if I went away. It feels like he sees no point in continuing if a friendship is all that can be. He's still very friendly in person, but won't usually respond to email or texts anymore. It makes me feel like I'm not important anyone, kind of a nag (something I have never come close to with anyone else -even my hubby) so for that reason and others, I'd love to honor that and pull back. It'd be good for me, too.

But everytime I do start to pull away, the universe literally inundates my life with signs and reminders and I get SO freaking emotional. And the weird thing is that the whole time I'm upset, I'm thinking "what is wrong? You want this. It's your choice!".

-__-

So thoughts... Why do I get so upset? How can I get past this and move on... because that's what I think should probably happen. I'm praying and meditating and focusing on improving me... all the things I know I should do. Nothing is working.

Your thoughts and advice are appreciated. (Even your's BeautifulLife. I'm not miffed with you, just in case you were wondering. ;)

This is MY OWN HONEST OPINION as a male. If my TF was married or had children I would respect that and leave her alone to be. I'm the type of person that would not intervene with anyone's family, regardless if they're my TF or not. I would consider this a sign that I wasn't meant to be with this person, or at the very least as long as they are married. What's sad about my situation is that me and my TF aren't married, we have no kids and we only live 45 minutes away each other. So to be honest, I don't think distance even matters. If you're not ready your just not. Even though me and my TF never believed in marriage(until we found each other) when we first met, the thought of her getting married to someone else would be enough for me to realize this wasn't our lifetime. I would make peace with that and continue along my path. Again this is just from my perspective.

smARTistic girl · #5 08-11-2012, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

I don't know if I missed this in one of your previous posts but when you say things like "we love each other"..."We wish we could spend more time together" and its seems like a friendship isn't enough for him....has he verbally validated these feelings to you or is this just your perception on how he feels.

Both. :) funny, though even though he has said he loves me (and please understand we mean a pure love here... not the more common romantic meaning) I still have a hard time believing it sometimes. But I go by my intuition oftentimes, it tells me he does.

#6 08-11-2012, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smARTistic girl

Both. :) funny, though even though he has said he loves me (and please understand we mean a pure love here... not the more common romantic meaning) I still have a hard time believing it sometimes. But I go by my intuition oftentimes, it tells me he does.

If its a "pure love" and not a romantic love than why would you feel a friendship isn't enough for him. Why would he want more if that isn't the basis for his love for you? Furthermore, what would be your desire with him other than more time together?

smARTistic girl · #7 08-11-2012, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Topaz

Hugs I would step out of the box and see it from another persons view point and smile . Become detached but not. in an aloof way . Your thoughts become your reality but sometimes we have too many expectations . I know I did and for all the signs , visions , dreams etc doesn't mean that there will be a happy ending . We are all on a journey and have free will to choose.

I realise now that my connection was past life and yes he is part of my soul group but sometimes the lesson is to say goodbye and move into a better energy .

Be gentle with yourself by empowering yourself . Good luck .

Oh my gosh, I just had an epiphany... I thought a similar thing just this morning. "what if I'm supposed to learn how to let him go". And I'm okay with that thought on several levels, but just a few minutes later I started to tear up again. Your reply made me think of something I'd kinda forgotten. Part of the bond I feel with my twin goes back to a time when he was going through a very depressed period and felt abandoned by everyone. I told him that no matter what, he can always count on me to be there for him. We'd really just met, but I felt perfectly comfortable saying it and was surprised at myself for meaning it with everything in me. And after two years, he is starting to believe me.

I think I get upset because I feel like if I just disappear, I'll be abandoning him like others have done, and I just can't. do. that. :o

I'll have to think on this...

Andromeda27 · #8 08-11-2012, 06:00 PM

I've been going through this EXACTLY the last few months. Little over a month ago I decided to just totally pull away, no more texts, emails, and even removed him from my facebook. Yes the universe slams it back in my face with signs constantly, but I stuck to my guns. I've been trying to focus all of my energy back into myself and feeling more like ME instead of obsessing over another person.

Surprise surprise, guess who contacted me yesterday.

I (and you!) just need to remember, this is more about me than anything or anyone else. Find yourself first, be happy and content, and the rest will follow. I hope very much that he's part of my future, but there is no use feeling miserable waiting for it.

smARTistic girl · #9 08-11-2012, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DARKEST_HOUR

This is MY OWN HONEST OPINION as a male. If my TF was married or had children I would respect that and leave her alone to be. I'm the type of person that would not intervene with anyone's family, regardless if they're my TF or not. I would consider this a sign that I wasn't meant to be with this person, or at the very least as long as they are married. What's sad about my situation is that me and my TF aren't married, we have no kids and we only live 45 minutes away each other. So to be honest, I don't think distance even matters. If you're not ready your just not. Even though me and my TF never believed in marriage(until we found each other) when we first met, the thought of her getting married to someone else would be enough for me to realize this wasn't our lifetime. I would make peace with that and continue along my path. Again this is just from my perspective.

Thank you for your opinions. I'm sure this figure strongly into our situation because he is the same, wouldn't want to break up anyone's family. Especially given how close I am with my kids. I have a question then, in your opinion, is it possible for us to remain life-long close friends or am I expecting too much here?

I hope you can work things out with your twin soon. *hugs*

VanillaRayne · #10 08-11-2012, 06:20 PM

I can understand his point of view. I recently had to cut off all contact with my TF because what we have right now wasn't working for me. I let him know if he's ever ready to be together that's the only time I want him contacting me. It's not personal - I still love mine dearly and feel him with me always - and I'm sure it isn't personal for your TF as well. It's probably too painful for him to have you but not have you, that's what I was going through. And I definitely get those signs too once I cut contact. They're maddening sometimes! But, maybe, those signs could be an indication that we're actually doing the RIGHT thing, as opposed to a sign that we should get back in touch with our twins right at that very moment.

I, too, was struggling with pain for a LONG time. But now that I've accepted that it will work out when it's meant to and realized that me pushing is most likely making things take longer, all the pain has subsided. I also feel like that last message I sent was some type of closure for me, when it's time he will come back around. But you can't force yourself to find acceptance or get over it, that happens on it's own timing for some reason. Maybe it's different for different people, but that was how I experienced it.