How do you let people into your heart?

[Kaere]

Interesting question, I think.

I've been told by quite a few people that I tend to keep people at a distance. For the most part, I'd have to agree - I am very really ever so picky about who I let come close to me. I'd say there's maybe one person in the whole of the world who actually knows me through and through.

But as one of my goals for this year is to become more comfortable with trusting people and making a new friend, I'm aware that I need to be able to let someone get closer to me than I usually would.

But I'm stumped - how does a person do that? I really have no idea.


So... I'm asking! How do you personally let people get close to you? Is it something you do, share, do you trust first and ask questions later, do you bond over shared interests or is it something more intangible?

(If I'm making no sense whatsoever please let me know)

Hi there,
I have been the same all my life, I know many people, I joke and talk and laugh with others all the time...but only one person knows me really well and that's my hubby... One thing I have learnt over the years is... It was not just I who had to find a way to reach out... It was for others to show they were worthy of my trust... If someone is truly trying to reach you, your gard will drop and you will let them in... Not to say that my trust has never been broken it has... But that's life. You move on and learn for the next time...
There are no hard and fast rules and friendship often comes from places you would never dream of...

Originally Posted by Kaere

Interesting question, I think.

I've been told by quite a few people that I tend to keep people at a distance. For the most part, I'd have to agree - I am very really ever so picky about who I let come close to me. I'd say there's maybe one person in the whole of the world who actually knows me through and through.

Same here.

But as one of my goals for this year is to become more comfortable with trusting people and making a new friend, I'm aware that I need to be able to let someone get closer to me than I usually would.

I am curiois, why do you find the need to set this as a "goal"?

But I'm stumped - how does a person do that? I really have no idea.

So... I'm asking! How do you personally let people get close to you? Is it something you do, share, do you trust first and ask questions later, do you bond over shared interests or is it something more intangible?

I don't let them get close to me consciously or intentionally. I do not do anything specific to encourage nor invite anyone in to my experience. If I just allow it spontaneously occur then the outcome for me is much more genuine, pleasing, and lasting.

(If I'm making no sense whatsoever please let me know)

And, if I'm making no sense whatsoever please let me know too!

Please see above in blue.

I think MANY of us will echo you Kaere - we have learned early that we are "weird" or "different" because we are "intuitive".

Loving ourselves is a way I work on allowing people to become close to me. Because if Like attracts like, I want to meet people who also love themselves. Recently I am more open about who I am, I am not afraid of being judged or laughed at (I was before and probably why I was untrusting).

Working on my self-love has helped me greatly. :)

I am very really ever so picky about who I let come close to me.
Accept imperfection with humour and excitement.
"How perfectly normal of you "
I'd say there's maybe one person in the whole of the world who actually knows me through and through.
Keep it that way because we listen first speak last(but make no mistake we always get the last word :)).
to become more comfortable with trusting people
...care less about the consequences. Getting hurt is a part of journey of living.
making a new friend
Stop defining where a friend begins and a casual acquaintance ends.
I'm aware that I need to be able to let someone get closer to me than I usually would. but I'm stumped
Express your confusion with a lot of people. People love it, their future friends.
How do you personally let people get close to you?
I tell a lot of stories...and nod listentivly toward theirs :P
Is it something you do, share, do you trust first and ask questions later, do you bond over shared interests or is it something more intangible?You do any of that even seeking the intangible your forcing it IMO. Your an awesome person...so if your quiet speak up...if your picky, enjoy stuff you dislike...if your bossy, stop and listen...if your weird ~ tone it down. In short constantly challenge yourself toward balance and invite others along for the ride. You don't have to be picky about who comes along just rude to the those your find intolerable. :P
And if any or all of this post seems very unhelpful, impractical or trite. I am not surprised because more often then not questions like these boil down not to lack of wisdom,explanation or ability but patience. When you practice(that mean live) the tried and true principles of being open/friendly (in the sense of getting that other new friend)...no matter where you start you always get there. When you practice being well...what ever it is you are now (picky?) that your challenging...your going to get even better at that.

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by Kaere

(If I'm making no sense whatsoever please let me know)

Ok, I'm letting you know

just kidding, you know sooner or later someone was going to say that, just thought I would do so sooner.

I know you are asking ~

How do you personally let people get close to you? Is it something you do, share, do you trust first and ask questions later, do you bond over shared interests or is it something more intangible?

However, as I was reading your post the first thing that came to my mind was.... let's start at the beginning, or the root of the problem, shall we say ?

~ Why is it you find it so difficult to let people into your heart ?

I am not asking you to reply to that here, online, just a thought for you to think about, which when you have the answer to this, you may have an answer to some of the rest of your questions.

~ Did someone, once upon a time, break your heart ?

~ Perhaps it is something carried over from a past life ?

~ Did you trust someone who broke your trust ?

Next thing that comes to mind .... is that someone, and it wouldn't be me cause I am not really sure how this works, is going to mention the EFT and meditation, that seems to cure most anything, or be the answer to all questions. ( I am not saying it isn't the answer, just saying I am not sure exactly how it works and yes, I have read about it )

I am thinking once you find the "reasons Why " behind " Why is it so difficult to let people into your heart " then you will have the KEY to letting them in.

Dream Angel xx

Kaere, I know of a very simple way to have closer relationships with people. If you are actually interested in doing that, be interested in who other people are and ask them interested questions rather than trying to be interesting yourself.

Many people go through life trying to impress others with who they are, and either they succeed at doing that or not. What many people fail to recognize is that their are countless numbers of people who absolutely love to meet somebody, anybody, who is actually interested in who they are.

Please understand, I am not suggesting that you do anything that is insincere or against your moral and ethical code. I am suggesting, and you can prove this for yourself, that if you are more interested in others, they will be more interested in having closer relationships with you.

Best wishes!

[Gem]

Originally Posted by LaMont Cranston

Kaere, I know of a very simple way to have closer relationships with people. If you are actually interested in doing that, be interested in who other people are and ask them interested questions rather than trying to be interesting yourself.

Many people go through life trying to impress others with who they are, and either they succeed at doing that or not. What many people fail to recognize is that their are countless numbers of people who absolutely love to meet somebody, anybody, who is actually interested in who they are.

Please understand, I am not suggesting that you do anything that is insincere or against your moral and ethical code. I am suggesting, and you can prove this for yourself, that if you are more interested in others, they will be more interested in having closer relationships with you.

Best wishes!

Good idea! Simple and practical.

Me likes.

[Kaere]

Thank you everyone for your replies - much to think about. I think it comes down to trust in the end - maybe trust a little bit more to avoid the whole pushing away/cutting off contact thing.

I got something from what Laura and Lamont said. My only gripe is one sidedness: me being interested in who they are and asking questions and diving into their likes and dislikes and stories, but their not showing interest in who I am. I don't like this one sided relationship. I want to be known and questioned and heard too.