Best friend and her beliefs..

Hi all again

Once again it will be a long one and a complete 180 from my previous issue n_n;;


A few days ago my friend and I were on our weekly run; she is my best friend and we have been best friends since 3rd grade. I have always been a spiritual person, and she hasn't so much, but that's never caused a strain, because it never came up until I came "out of the broom closet" to her. Even then she accepted me and loved me and we have never been closer.

Our dads were best friends (or good friends at least) in high school, and our moms knew each other well also, before we were ever born or ever even met. It was not until we met and we had our first "play date" of sorts in elementary school that we found out our mutual history, and that only strengthened our relationship. Her grandparents are like grandparents to me, her parents come to me for advice with her and I feel as if they trust me completely, and I'm sure they know my beliefs as well though I have never sat down with them specifically, as when her mom gave me some stones she said she had them cleansed in moonlight and put in a bag before giving them to me. (They are Christian)

I've discussed my beliefs with her before, but like with any subject we flit back and forth so much we lose track. In one such flit the other day, I asked her if she would come to my Naming Ceremony, if I found a suitable place for it to be held.

A few times if it came up she has come to my defense against others who questioned me, hugging me tightly and saying things like, "She is who she is and she's a good person," to a younger person who said that my religion wasn't real.


But when I asked her if she would come to my Naming Ceremony (and there are less than 15 people on the "guest list" including the two I had hoped would perform it) she hesitated, and while she did not flat out refuse, she said she wasn't sure if she would want to.

It's difficult for me to get across to her how important this is to me.. She is one of the most important people in my life and has been one of the few "constants" since I was young. She's come to family things at my house and I've been to family things at her house. To not have her there would hurt more than I can imagine, but more than anything I do not want to make her more uncomfortable..



Some advice please? I'm feeling a bit torn at the moment ><

Merci et Blessed Be

Why don't you sit down with her and ask her about her hesitation and why she feels the way she does and how you honestly feel about her not comming. Perhaps she's just worried about something a little different going on? Remember too that its important that you don't try and push her into doing something she doesn't want to do. The more you push things the more she'll resist. Just leave the door open and see what happens:)

[froebellian]

Whats more important, friendship or her accepting YOUR beliefs?

I have learnt not everyone can see things how we do or how we would like them to. Thats what makes us individual.

The ceremony is for you, you cannot force her to do something, and she has said she is not sure.

For example my friend married a cheating waste of time man, but thats her choice and I still don't approve, but as a friend I still see him and accept her decision even though I feel its a mistake. My friendship means more than her doing what I think she should do.

Tanith,
your story reminds me of a girl that I used to know. To her, New Year & Christmas are very very important holidays. She feels that her boyfriend must be there with her family on holidays. She would get very very upset if her boyfriend didn't want to join her family. But the thing is, her boyfriend doesn't respect her parents and didn't talk to them every time he was there with them. She would always end up getting very very upset over this. I asked her since she gets upset all the time over this then why does she still continue to insist that he came on each holiday? She said it was because holidays are very very important to her. She believes that her family and her boyfriend must get together on these important days.
Our beliefs decide whether we are to be happy or not.

If it would make her feel too uncomfortable then of course I would rather her not come, but I feel like I would be missing something important if she wasn't there. Between the two of us we've shared many things, often embarrassing, and always something only we know. If I couldn't share with her something this important when others would, I would rather have a simple self-initiation with no one around at all.

Froe, she does accept my beliefs, as I've said she often comes to my defense about my beliefs. But while she accepts them, she doesn't really understand them, and with the exception of a handfasting, I would never ask her to come and do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. But I absolutely love your description of the cheating waste of time man XD

TinTin, I wouldn't ask her to come to every sabbat celebration or every ritual. She did once attend a Feast for the Dead with my mother and I, though we toned it down for her. I only wish for her to come to a single important event. All the people who would come are good friends of both of ours, no one there would be someone she didn't know or didn't like (we're pretty vocal with each other about the friends we're okay with and the friends we're not too fond of so that we can keep group happenings with said people to a minimum lol)


If she makes the decision she doesn't want to come, I think I would simply rather not have the ceremony. (I wouldn't tell her this of course because I wouldn't want her to feel like I'm pressuring her into it) Is this odd? Do you guys think I should just drop it or find a way to try and explain how important it is?

Originally Posted by Tanith

Hi all again

Once again it will be a long one and a complete 180 from my previous issue n_n;;


A few days ago my friend and I were on our weekly run; she is my best friend and we have been best friends since 3rd grade. I have always been a spiritual person, and she hasn't so much, but that's never caused a strain, because it never came up until I came "out of the broom closet" to her. Even then she accepted me and loved me and we have never been closer.

Our dads were best friends (or good friends at least) in high school, and our moms knew each other well also, before we were ever born or ever even met. It was not until we met and we had our first "play date" of sorts in elementary school that we found out our mutual history, and that only strengthened our relationship. Her grandparents are like grandparents to me, her parents come to me for advice with her and I feel as if they trust me completely, and I'm sure they know my beliefs as well though I have never sat down with them specifically, as when her mom gave me some stones she said she had them cleansed in moonlight and put in a bag before giving them to me. (They are Christian)

I've discussed my beliefs with her before, but like with any subject we flit back and forth so much we lose track. In one such flit the other day, I asked her if she would come to my Naming Ceremony, if I found a suitable place for it to be held.

A few times if it came up she has come to my defense against others who questioned me, hugging me tightly and saying things like, "She is who she is and she's a good person," to a younger person who said that my religion wasn't real.


But when I asked her if she would come to my Naming Ceremony (and there are less than 15 people on the "guest list" including the two I had hoped would perform it) she hesitated, and while she did not flat out refuse, she said she wasn't sure if she would want to.

It's difficult for me to get across to her how important this is to me.. She is one of the most important people in my life and has been one of the few "constants" since I was young. She's come to family things at my house and I've been to family things at her house. To not have her there would hurt more than I can imagine, but more than anything I do not want to make her more uncomfortable..



Some advice please? I'm feeling a bit torn at the moment ><

Merci et Blessed Be

Hi Tanith,

While this may be really important to you to have her there, it's more important to recognize her needs as her own separate person. It's a question of boundaries. If she is not comfortable with it, then you need to respect that.

Do your thing if it's what you want to do. Don't forget that you are not one person but two. Recognize where she ends and you begin and vice versa.

Thank you for that advice, CatChild. I guess its difficult because we're practically twins and do almost everything together unless it's separate family stuff.

Dear Tanith, my point was really that if we put too much importance into something, that something will determine our happiness. Everything in this 3rd dimensional world that we live in, is really just an illusion. We are all playing a game. It's ok if you and others don't agree with what I said. This is only my beliefs, that's all.
If deep inside, you really want the naming ceremony, my opinion is to go ahead and do so. It's better not to regret later. Don't allow others to affect you, not even your "twin". Like what Catchild said, we are each an individual.
Anyway, I do hope that you will have what your heart desires. Good luck.

Thank you TinTin :) That helped to clear up your point, as it seemed I was drawing something different from what you were trying to say. Thank you for your advice, and I will take everything in before moving on with either path.