Tempest in My Soul

[IdylicSugar]

This year has been one wacky year for me. I don't know what is wrong. I don't know where to post this either. I just hope somebody here would provide some insights.

Here goes:
2012 started with me being all dizzy. Not fainting dizzy, but serious vertigo dizzy. Everything was just pretty much spinning. For a while there I couldn't even stand up without being dizzy. I ran to the doctor, he said it could be an infection my body is fighting.

Then a few weeks into this dizziness, I learnt accidentally that I may be gifted, as in really cursed with being extra sensitive, extra fast, extra messed up.

Then I got this serious lower back pain for two days. Couldn't even take care of my kids. Was in bed. I didn't take any meds, didn't go to the doctor. It just magically disappeared.

Then I started feeling all sad, possibly to do with the gifted thing. I went to the doctor to get it checked out. They sent me to a psychiatrist. He claimed I have mild to moderate depression, and prescribed an antidepressant. I didn't take it, but lied to him and told him I was taking them. It didn't seem right to be taking them.

Then out of the blue, I started thinking intensely about somebody I should never be thinking about. I am married you see, with wonderful kids. But still, I kept on thinking of our past, and the connections we had. Googling about that led me to "Twin Flame". We were never involved romantically. In fact, I made it a point never to touch him. Too fearful of it. Now I have no contacts with him, yet, I think far too much about this individual.



Then the crying all started back, but I just didn't feel like it was a depression. I keep on thinking about my past.

Then I had a minor surgery to remove a huge skin lesion. I think it is healing ok. I am on antibiotics for it though. Hate this, because I love walking, and the doctor has forbidden me from doing that because of the surgery.

Now I am experiencing the following:
Itchiness
Sadness
Numbness
Nausea
Shakiness
Keep on feeling like somebody is walking over my grave
Jerkiness
Tight throat
Heart palpitations
Butterflies in my stomach
Serious ringing in my ears
Feels like there are things where there is nothing (Sort of like shadows)
Lack of appetite (I just to eat a lot)
Serious sleep issue
Heavy head, heart

Felt a lot like some sort of awakening. Googled that, and it let me to Kundalini awakening. The thing is I don't know if I am just crazy or sick with something, or I am really going through an awakening of sort.

I don't want to take the antidepressants, because as painful as the experience is, I have a learned a great deal about me during these few months than my entire life.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. At times it is too much, I think that perhaps I should just check myself into a psych ward or something!

[Kylie<3]

OMG. I basically went thru everything you just stated a little after Christmas, it lasted for approx. 1 1/2 - 2 months. I don't understand what it was, the doctors chalked it all up to the fact my anxiety came back (out of no where) and the physical symptoms (almost IDENTICAL to what you posted) were just cause from the anxiety. Very interesting..

[Kylie<3]

After all of this started to get under control is when I found the path I am on now. I do not know if it's all connected in someway but I wonder..

[IdylicSugar]

Thanks for replying Kylie<3! Makes me feel good to really know I am not the only one out there.

Anyways, my initial reaction to this was anxiety. I did experience anxiety in the past. Once, the doctor even offered to prescribe meds for it. I declined.

However, this time, it feels like the mother of all anxiety attacks. The big huge difference is the resurfacing of all kinds of issues I went through in the past. That is what makes this whole experience so painful. I am actually seeing a psychologist to handle this aspect of the whole experience.

I tried to explain it to my hubby, he just doesn't get it. Can't say I blame him.

*sigh*

I hope I get through this in one piece.

[Kylie<3]

Yeah it's rough. I feel your pain. Mine last for almost 3 months. I did get on meds for about 2 weeks (non narcotic) to help with my constant worrying during the process. It helped tremendously,enough to let my brain and thoughts get back to normal and once I did that things instantly got better. It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through. Just know there is hope. :)

I hope things get better for you. I know how difficult it is, especially when no one around you can relate and no one understands just how much you are suffering.