How could I miss someone was bipolar?

one of my believed to be soulmates was bipolar and people would say he would have periods of being deeply depressed and then being up and about, high life, would be doing dumb things like cheating, drinking too much, sleep too little...

They have said I am sensitive. Could two sensitives make both of us more "stable" because truly that was all I got from him.

Could it be a soul-thing what happened with us? that it automatically made him more mood-grounded? I remember he was looking out for me.

Later I found out that he had not felt as home, strong as when we were on, his own words but too how we were perceived.

The two things that can now in the aftermath make me see things in new light is that he was a night owl and did not need much sleep and that in fights he would go black-or-white ways, and that's it. With bipolar I have read that can be typical symptoms. I remember then thinking he was spoiled from home and use to having things his way. He would too re think and change his mind (in my favor).

It was unfortunately his black- and white way during a fight with me that I got dumped. He regretted it and acted as if it was not like that, but I was stubborn and proud and chose to march on without him. He tried to stop that. In all kind of ways. Now looking back I feel sorry for him. All I gave him then was my anger and pride. He was told I did not want to see him no more, by others too. He did not know all the tears I shed in secret. I would play indifferent. I think I tried to protect myself because it hurt so bad. Life went on. I fell for someone else that I became happy with.

If I don't look at that fight and instead of everything else he did, said during our time together there were not any high and lows periods with him, the one thing his other girlfriends and friends and those he work with say were typical of him. His friends thought he was then on his best behavior when we were a couple which they had found funny. Was it all just a show? Was he trying to be someone else? How could he have hid it from me? I thought we were close, real close. Or could it be a soul-thing? Because we are soulmates (which I really think we were) that our chemistry made him more balanced? Or were we just lucky that he was not manic during that period?

I will most likely never find an answer, but still curious if others on this forum has discovered something similar? Can soulmate have that kind of impact together? It now feels as when he was with me he became someone else.

I just did not know what to think when the other ex girlfriends started to explain their relationships with him. I thought they must be talking about another man.

Overall it had felt like a safe relationship, we did not need many times many words, we understood each other anyways. He was mostly considerate.

Now, even though it has been so long, I feel guilt. What to do? Can't do nothing about it now. I think would his bipolarity had gotten so troublesome if I had return (not now of course so long after, but back then?)

There were symptoms of one of his parents being bipolar too so he could have gotten it from that one, that he did not have much of a choice. He really loved his folks.

What I have learn from it is I guess to have mature more than how I was like back then. I have now moved into stable relationship but he did the opposite. His other girlfriends were better looking than I was and I would have thought he would have wanted to go more "good boy" attitude with them than with me.

There was nothing else different that happen after our break up, he had the same job, he was good at what he did for a living, same friends, no family member who got sick or died, so looking at it like that there was no crises to have push his borderline.

The time frame with the other girlfriends after were about the same as with me so then it could not have been a question of time before we would have seen he was being bipolar.

Part, if not all, of the lifestyle he led because of the bipolarity could be seen as to what killed him.

Originally Posted by asearcher

I think would his bipolarity had gotten so troublesome if I had return (not now of course so long after, but back then?)

Hello, please accept my condolences.

I quoted that part, because I have lived kind of the same experience. My dad was a chronical depressive person doubled with alcoholism, suicidal tendencies. I kept him alive (Like physically) for a few years. It's not the same I know, but I also am sure that souls, people, walk their own way, whoever is in their lives.

I know, really I do. After my dad hung himself, basically one of the few ways I couldn't protect him from himself, I saw his "ghost" for about a year. Like walking to the bus stop and seeing afar a dude riding his bicycle, and the strong feeling it was him. So I know about the guilt. To be honest I was persuaded he faked his death to escape his dead-end life.

The truth is, and I'm really sorry, but you couldn't have done anything better than you did. You were there when he needed you.

You did everything you could.

You'll feel better, I promise.

Love & Peace to you.

Originally Posted by Tim here

Hello, please accept my condolences.

I quoted that part, because I have lived kind of the same experience. My dad was a chronical depressive person doubled with alcoholism, suicidal tendencies. I kept him alive (Like physically) for a few years. It's not the same I know, but I also am sure that souls, people, walk their own way, whoever is in their lives.

I know, really I do. After my dad hung himself, basically one of the few ways I couldn't protect him from himself, I saw his "ghost" for about a year. Like walking to the bus stop and seeing afar a dude riding his bicycle, and the strong feeling it was him. So I know about the guilt. To be honest I was persuaded he faked his death to escape his dead-end life.

The truth is, and I'm really sorry, but you couldn't have done anything better than you did. You were there when he needed you.

You did everything you could.

You'll feel better, I promise.

Love & Peace to you.

Tim here- thank you so much. God you must have been through hell and back. Please accept my condolences too. If love could only remove the pain, if it was that simple... It was very good of you to write to me. You have given me something to really think about. Recently I have felt someone play with my hair as if standing behind me or on the side, I thought first I imagine it or a draft doing it, but then saw it reflect in window when there should not be anything else to cause it. He had a thing about my hair. These little things of memories coming back to me. I can't say for sure it is his spirit, naturally, but it is something new. I hope he's finally at peace. It is different being someone's ex and on one moment I have felt I have no justification to mourn or wonder and on the other I can't help it. They say he kept things, photos of me, and things I had given him, his family still have it. I for sure thought he would have thrown that out long ago along with the garbage. It is a indescribable feeling that he was not angry, hate me, put me down before his life was finished. I thought he would do that to his other girlfriend, say I was you know this or that, but it's like he didn't. I know he moved on with others and was in love so I don't think he kept stuff because he was not over us. I always viewed him as a real strong person, in spirit, he knew what he wanted so people did not get so much in his way because they said it was no use, he was going to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. Tragic is when he set his mood to then do something crazy I guess none of us could have stop him, and true everyone has a responsibility for themselves, but still the thoughts are there - was he on the right medication, did he take his medication like he should have? Psychiatrist are not allowed to say but said he knew about me, so he has talked about me, us, with him. I have thought of something else today. The way he could be so wrapped up in his concentration. I was young then. Thought I mattered less. Could be why he was so good at things and work, but could be why it took over. I did know it could be a sign of his illness. He would change as well - I remember this - he would change his focus and see me and we enjoyed our time together, it was not as if he was somewhere else in his thoughts then. I could not be convinced to go back after he had said what he had said, broken up with me, because in my mind I had already set the course. Thought he would be the boss if I was to return. I still loved him then, but I couldn't do it. One time I remember him saying "Will you stop running away from me?" and "we have to talk", as a boss. He would look angry and very focused, his eyes on me, no escape. I only felt weak, like garbage and couldn't face him. That would only make him look at me even more focused. I couldn't deal with anger. I gave up. On him. On us. I was not strong enough to make it work. God, so sorry I let my heart out like this. It's done. It's over. Haven't thought about all of this a long time. Thank you so much for writing I will feel better in time. I have to remember that he did act as if he felt loved by me when we were on. The good times we had. Let the good things count.

God bless you :)

Originally Posted by asearcher

God you must have been through hell and back.

Um, well it's just a small fraction of the whole story, so... Yeah, hell and way worse. But you got the point. I came back, and so will you in time. That doesn't mean you'll forget him either.

Of course you get to mourn him. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise !

About that spirit, maybe your higher self ? Or someone new to come in your life maybe, in the future. I mean if it was his spirit you would have probably sensed the energy signature, I don't know I do not want to speak for you.

Then he gave you a bit of that strengh, because that's what happens with souls that share strong moments and stories, there's an energy exchange between both.

Peace to you

Originally Posted by Tim here

Um, well it's just a small fraction of the whole story, so... Yeah, hell and way worse. But you got the point. I came back, and so will you in time. That doesn't mean you'll forget him either.

Of course you get to mourn him. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise !

About that spirit, maybe your higher self ? Or someone new to come in your life maybe, in the future. I mean if it was his spirit you would have probably sensed the energy signature, I don't know I do not want to speak for you.

Then he gave you a bit of that strengh, because that's what happens with souls that share strong moments and stories, there's an energy exchange between both.

Peace to you

A bit late but I just want to say thank you so much, Tim here :)

Oh cool ! Have you been better ?

Oh well you know, just being myself there, but you're welcome !