I want to leave everything behind

[Jezebel80]

I'm feeling the need to put this out there... I am so wrapped up in this situation that I need an unbiased view.

So heres the deal. I grew up in a small town, and all throughout my youth I knew I was destined to leave my state. I never fit in, and I would constantly daydream about a life that seemed to far out of reach. I remember a vivid dream I had when I was about 12.. driving on a freeway into a city with a golden sunset glowing out behind the tall buildings. Im convinced this is a real city... my gut tells me it is somewhere in california. I told myself that if I could get to the biggest town in my state for college, that would be the first stepping stone to getting out. Well, I made it.

I went to college, but I became very ill sophomore year, and this illness stopped me in my tracks. I dropped out of college, quit my job, and was bed bound for over a year. I feel like i missed out on some very important time when I should have been living up my 20's. Im 24 now, and my illness has finally stopped being a big part of my life. I went to a trade school, and am graduating tomorrow and will finally be well enough to hold down a full time job.

So I suppose my biggest dilemma is... my boyfriend. Ive been with him for three years. He is much older than I, and has two children whom he supports. We have a lot in common, and he is my best friend in many ways. He is a truly good person, but he has demons he has never dealt with. It became apparent early on in our relationship. He was abused as a child and has emotional outbursts where he verbally abuses me and sometimes breaks things. I know its hard to understand, but I could understand his pain and wanted to be the one who would be willing to be his support to help him overcome this, because I love him. Over time, his occasional abuse has worn me down, and while I still love him, I just dont feel the same. I told him if he doesnt get help it will force me to leave... that was over a month ago, and he keeps telling me he will but I dont see any action. I know he loves me, but that simply isnt enough.

I feel like im standing at a precipice of great change... I think I need to move to california, and move alone. I just dont know how to leave this man I love. I live with him. I dont know how to break out of my confort zone. I will miss so much about him, but I cant live with this any more. I day dream all day about a completely different life, with new places, new friends, and even lovers. Sometimes I feel guilty, but mostly Im just inspired.

What advice do you have for me? My fear is holding me back.

[Somnia]

I have not personally been in this situation, but if a person truly wants to better themselves, they will show it by action and not just talk...Sometimes people will say things to convince their partner to stay with them, because they may be afraid of them leaving, so they say "I will get help, I promise!" but they never do, and things get worse, and worse, and worse....All this coming from observing couples I've known over the years...

If he does not get help and your intuition is telling you to leave, it's best to end it before you get involved too deeply...

Congratulations on you graduating college tomorrow!

[Floatsy]

I'm sorry that things are tough for you at the moment, I have no advice, but I wanted to Congratulate you on your pending graduation. A wonderful event. Many blessings to you, Jezebel80.

[Clover]

Congratulations on finishing trade school and graduating tomorrow . 24 is a really good solid age for exploration and self discovery. Keep moving forward and doing great things for yourself.

I day dream all day about a completely different life, with new places, new friends, and even lovers.

Sounds good to me.

In my personal opinion, I'd listen to your inner guidance. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you got some great ideas. You fought a hard battle, you are are worthy of great things. I would take the risk on living your most enjoyable life now.

3 "worn out" years with a damaged person can turn into 10. His issues have nothing to do with you and we can't save and condition people to our liking either, your going to disappoint yourself every time. He has to get professional help and learn how to control his behavour; self accountability. Ask yourself if your willing to sacrifice your hopes and dreams to this one person who has already proven his character to you. The choice is yours.

I vote for the path of least resistance,

Good luck tomorrow,

Cloves

Originally Posted by Clover

Congratulations on finishing trade school and graduating tomorrow . 24 is a really good solid age for exploration and self discovery. Keep moving forward and doing great things for yourself.

Likewise, congratulations. And this seems to true. It takes a few years for social conditioning to set in, to pattern minds, so that one is far more cognisant of what one has to break from, old enough by then to size up the world for what it is.

Sounds good to me.

In my personal opinion, I'd listen to your inner guidance. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you got some great ideas. You fought a hard battle, you are are worthy of great things. I would take the risk on living your most enjoyable life now.

3 "worn out" years with a damaged person can turn into 10. His issues have nothing to do with you and we can't save and condition people to our liking either, your going to disappoint yourself every time. He has to get professional help and learn how to control his behavour; self accountability. Ask yourself if your willing to sacrifice your hopes and dreams to this one person who has already proven his character to you. The choice is yours.

I vote for the path of least resistance,

Good luck tomorrow,

Cloves

Yes. Procrastination isn't the answer. We own our problems and it's up to us, once aware of them, to sort them out. It's easy to be complacent, to pretend a problem will go away tomorrow but it never works out like that.

Jezebel80, if you feel this love is really worth preserving it might be an idea to precipitate things a bit. Do a bit of planning then tell the guy he has two choices, get something done or you're leaving. And make the signs of readying to leave. If he returns your love he'll act.

I wish you happiness.
Pax tecum.

...

[cahill]

Jezebel sometimes staying within our comfort zone and being attached to someone confusing this familiar attachment confusing it with love can stop us from growing on all levels. Limiting our potential and we miss out on what life has to offer and not fully understanding it's lessons.

It goes without saying that you can't help those that do not truly want help. These types must learn lessons the hard way through loss. In other words, life has to happen to them in order for the image they see in the mirror becomes clear and undeniable. They have to rise from the ashes on their own. You owe it to yourself to dust yourself off and start your own journey and not let someone else's journey make you miss out on your true calling. If he is going to stay in the dirt don't let him drag you down with him.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by Jezebel80

I feel like im standing at a precipice of great change... I think I need to move to california, and move alone. I just dont know how to leave this man I love. I live with him. I dont know how to break out of my confort zone. I will miss so much about him, but I cant live with this any more. I day dream all day about a completely different life, with new places, new friends, and even lovers. Sometimes I feel guilty, but mostly Im just inspired.

What advice do you have for me? My fear is holding me back.

don't let fear dictate your actions. don't compromise your dreams because
of fear. soothe those fearful thoughts and lay them down. find an inner
assurance that things are well with you, and a knowing that there's no cause for fear.

while you're mulling over what to do, you can prayerfully meditate for
the health of your current relationship and that of your bf.
envision a bubble of love, milky white with streaks of gold... bring this energy up
from within you, and extend it throughout your living environment.
this will clear some negative energy out of the area and it'll be very
beneficial for your bf, over time.

[TheGlow]

If it's feeling like you have an inner need for this experience it isn't going to go away. Gotta live your life. 24 is to young to be giving up on dreams

[Jezebel80]

I know that he wants to change. Its just a matter of whether he is able to. I feel like im growing very rapidly, and hes not growing... i feel like hes actually regressing.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by Jezebel80

I know that he wants to change. Its just a matter of whether he is able to. I feel like im growing very rapidly, and hes not growing... i feel like hes actually regressing.

sometimes it's darkest before the dawn.
a step backwards may lead him to recognize that he doesn't
wanna go that direction.
i figure your part, at this moment, is to focus on yourself;
dispel your feelings of fear (through loving self acceptance),
and make the 'atmosphere' of your present living space as
nontoxic as possible (through prayerful meditation).