How im starting to come to terms with my twin flame

[SMT3Master227]

I been in the tank mentally over the last few weeks ever since my twin flame encounter and wanted to share what is going on since I want to get it off my mind and become at peace with it.

17 years ago, I met this girl in my high school that I will refer to as Zoey. Zoey was one of the sweetest girls I ever met. She never said anything bad about me, loved to hear what I had to say (great listener), really smart, def a cutie, very caring, nonjudgmental, really talented, like this girl was way better than I thought as a kid. But as a kid we dont realize these things and I was into her best friend Spring along with this other girl named Amanda. I also never had class with her (met her at a concert with Spring) so I never got to really know her.

I remember a few other things in high school. I told Spring and Amanda I was madly in love with them (spoiler alert, bad idea lol) and they didnt feel the same way. Spring was actually mortified by it, but I think she had a bunch of trauma growing up. I know Spring told Zoey since they ate lunch every day together and told each other everything. Zoey probably didnt think the same way as Spring since Zoey wasnt as popular as spring and the idea of attention from a guy was more appealing to her than Spring.

When I was moving away for a short period of time, Spring and Zoey wrote me a letter. I didnt pay too much attention to the letter until recently, where I read it for the first time in 15 years. Spring, me being close to her, the letter was basic in that she said "oh ill miss you, im sure you will do fine. you have my number if you need to call me", which made sense since we used to talk all the time. Zoey on the other hand, wrote something different, which I was not as close with her (dont think I ever called her), but she wrote "hey i wish you luck. if you never need someone to talk to, dont hesitate to call me. stay awesome, love zoey". Which is interesting since we werent that close but it seemed like she wanted me to call her.

The last time I ever saw Spring and Zoey was on the last day of high school. I hung out with Amanda during the summer since Spring and Zoey would normally go to camp and werent around. 15 years ago was the last time I saw all 3 of these girls. All 3 of them defined my childhood since they were the 3 girls I was closest with (minus like maybe 2 other girls). I do miss them to this day since they were all nice in their own way, but I think Zoey really stood out since she seemed to like me unconditionally, unlike Amanda and Spring that while they loved me, they were always trying to fix me in ways instead of just accepting me for how I was.

Fast forward 15 year and I stumble upon Zoey on the internet. I try adding her on social media but she ends up not answering me along with blocking me on one site. I also sent her a message saying "hey zoey, its been a while. we dont live far from each other. your doing awesome in life and i love to hear from you. we have similar interests now a days and i remember you being great to be around. its fine if you cant make it since i know your super busy but i like to catch up" and nothing. She also was trying to hide her activity on one site when i was checking the site (since everyones on a million and one social media platforms and i wasnt sure she was on this site), which was very strange.

One belief I had was that she was into me as a kid and is kind of resentful that I never asked her out. Another thing that happen to her recently was a terrible breakup from a really bad guy she went out with (checked his social media, yeah guy is a full blown narcissist lol). So mentally shes not really there. The guy also looks like me and has some similar interests. I think she probably doesnt believe im real lol (Since me and her have alot in common) along with me being nice to her and this guy probably love bombed the hell out of her, so she seems like shes dealing with alot.

After discovering the twin flame phenonium and how this all plays together, Im starting to come to peace with my own life. I realize like Zoey, I grew up with codependent parents and was traumatized a good bit as a kid. I realize too that like her, I have similar insecurities that I am working through. I been running from this stuff for a long time and now know what I got to do to find inner peace.

I feel sad that Zoey isnt talking to me, but at the same time, I get it why now. She has to figure herself out. I cant save her. I had a bad habit in the past of trying to save woman, but realize now that her parents growing up were overprotective and controlling (learn this from talking to other people) and that Im no better trying to protect and control her. I guess I learned these things from growing up with a dysfunctional family that I also had the role of "fixer" in that everyones problems became my problems.

At first I was reading quite a bit about Zoey and what happened to her over the years, learning how she is and kind of going a bit overboard in terms of reading too much into her. I would worry about what shes doing online and how shes feeling and all of this, but now I just dont care. And I dont say that to be mean, but rather, I trust Zoey and her abilities to fix her own life. I know I dont like people trying to control me, so I realize that I need to do the same for her.

I guess seeing this girl again really made me look into a mirror since well, this girl is my mirror soul. She is me and I am her. We are so similar its not even funny. But this is good since Ive had these problems for a long time and they have really held me back in life, but now I feel like I am ready to take on the world. And its crazy how part of that is thanks to Zoey and me remembering her as a kid. I think why I look at her so fondly is because shes like me in that shes a good person, but those vulnerabilities have been weaponized against her....just like myself. And in order for us to survive, we have to build up some walls and boundaries and Im guessing she is currenly trying to figure this out.

Im starting now to just focus on me and putting my thoughts about Zoey to rest. I still love this girl unconditionally and always will, but its not productive to dwell so much on one person. And Im sure she will come around and we will meet again, but Ive realized too that at any time Zoey could get killed tomorrow in some accident and then what? I have to live for myself. Id love to share my life with Zoey but neither of us are ready it seems. But some day we will be ready, but its a matter of going on this journey to get there. But the journey itself has to be embraced and I think that is where I am at now. I have embraced the journey and am starting to feel good about myself and my abilities and my self worth to where while it would be nice to have Zoey in my life, she does not define my happiness. And the same would go for me with her. She is building her life so she can be happy without me and I do think that is correct in that we have to break this cycle of codependency and come to terms with who we are.