What Being A Medium Has Been Like For Me...

I'm writing this because I want people here to understand what my experience has been and why I don't often do readings or particularly want to join a paranormal or spiritualist group. So often being a medium and being psychic it's portrayed as this wonderful thing, a gift, but for some it's just not.

I've been seeing dead people since I was in diapers. Most of my childhood my parents just thought I had a million imaginary friends and/or a huge imagination. It wasn't until they got info from me that could not be explained by that that they started to question that assumption and even then I was treated like I was making it all up. Very rarely did my parents believe anything I said.

My Dad to this day is a skeptic even though I actually told him at the time my Mom was about to die, told him if she didn't go to the doctor's she'd be dead soon. He also knew that I knew about his Mom's death before the phone call to alert us and he still thought it was just coincidence even though my Mom told him otherwise. He still thinks I am making it up, and quote "just watching too many spooky shows." Once in a while I get the idea that just maybe secretly he believes, but mostly not.

For the record I've been tested in a lab. I've wrote about that elsewhere here so I won't repeat myself. I've also had verification several times over from perfect strangers that people I've seen, who were known to them, were the people seen by me. I've had spirits move through me. I've seen them in historical places and thought they were real people only in costume only to mention them to a docent and find out they are dead people who supposedly haunt the place I'm in. I've had two mediums who are reputed to be respectable and not fame seekers totally blurt out the fact that I was a psychic and a medium upon first meet, both while knowing nothing about me, even my name.

Sounds like fun and games, right? Nope. I have all too often looked at someone and known they were ill or even about to die. My Mom I was on the phone with her and I just knew it. My best male buddy. He has HIV and I knew before he did. Before the test was even taken, before he got any kind of confirmation. Wish I could tell you that it was the first time that had happened but it wasn't. I lost several friends during the first part of the epidemic. I knew every single time that I would.

I have seen a lot of good spirits, had some really nice experiences that way, but I have also seen some really dark and evil things living inside people. I have had the attention of things like that suddenly focused my way and I was scared out of my wits when it happened. For me being a medium means seeing that too.

I have seen people deceived by negative entities, their lives nearly destroyed by them. I don't trust things like ghost boxes, ouija boards, EVP's etc. Not because I think such devices have inherent evil but because I believe in the wrong hands, in hands like mine, they can unwittingly open doors that probably should not be opened.

For the record I'm not religious in a conventional sense so I'm not speaking out of some kind of religious bias. I'm speaking from personal experience. I've had that experience, as a kid and later again as an adult in a different way. I've seen things that I never want to see again. It is true that the various spirit beings have different vibrations if they are coming at you as themselves, but it is also true that negative entities can hide and assume shapes and change their aspect and even their vibrations to assume a more pleasing shape, to fool people who innocently believe and who open themselves up to anything and everything that comes to them.

For a long while I did read. I did it to make a living on and off when I was too ill to do anything else. It was a huge mistake for me. I found I am not a person who can risk opening myself up to do this work. I do exercises to protect myself and my aura, and I do believe in my angels but I am what I am and my experience is that too many spirits, positive and non want to use me as a conduit and I'm just not too comfortable with that. I don't want training to do this kind of work. I've been offered, even been told it's my duty to "help" that way, but I just won't do it. In my gut I just know this is not for me.

It's not been a gift for me. There have been times in my life where I wished I could just rip my head open, take that so called "gift" out of me and throw it away. But it doesn't work like that. I can turn it off, mostly, but I still have to live with it. I have never except for when I worked on a line advertized that I am psychic. Offline the only people who know are my best friends, my family, and a few people I have had experiences with or helped over the years...

I no longer read, even with just tarot, except for friends and family on very rare occasions. I will not read people on this board. No offense, but I am just not here for that. I'm very open and honest and if I see a subject where I think I can help with the benefit of my experience or some insight I will offer it but that is as far as I will go. I will not open myself, talk to my guides or anyone's do a full on reading. This is as far as it goes.

I'm not a fear monger type. I don't tend to look on the negative side all the time. But I have seen a lot of people on this board who apparently think that nothing bad can happen to them as a result of investigating the paranormal or from using their abilities and I do have to offer a word of caution...

Guess what? You CAN be fooled and even physically hurt by spiritual entities and I don't mean just mentally. Been there, done that, and I was nearly killed in the process. Spiritual investigation it's a big part of being human, of trying to understand all the Big Questions. But if you are going to walk in places unknown, PLEASE protect yourself as much as is possible and be sensible about it.

Don't just believe anything you are told. Question everything. Do your best to play safe or don't play at all, and especially, when it comes to doing the medium thing, don't open yourself to anything unless you know 100% that what you are dealing with is something that won't hurt you. If in doubt, just don't. Use common sense. If you can't tell if it's okay? Then wait and see. Clarity will come and in my experience entities that truly want to help you they don't want you to rush into anything.

You know the list that is out there for potentially abusive relationships? The red flags that you should pay attention to when getting involved? Dear Abby, Ann Landers, I think they have all published a version at one time or another. That's what I do with entities that come to me wanting my help or for me to follow them. I run down that list, my own version of it anyway, looking for red flags...

Is this entity trying to isolate me? Is it taking control of my whole life, wanting to know everything I do? Is it always trying to get into my head, to emotionally control me? Does it take "no" for an answer gracefully or does it try to guilt me into doing what it wants? Is it intent upon taking control of me, taking my energy in some way?

You get the idea, what I am trying to say here, right?

Anyone who messes with things spiritual can be vulnerable, but in my experience mediums are often vulnerable in a very different and potentially dangerous way. You do have to be doubly careful when half the population of the spirit world wants to use you as a bus station to earth. People that don't have this gift often think it's neat, even covet it. But it's not that simple and I'm really hoping that by saying so that I just might prevent someone from getting hurt...

Anyway, that's my tale and my take on things, take it or leave it... :)

[Boson]

Hi Ravenspirit,

Thanks for sharing your experience and the wisdom you have gained over the years. It's sad to hear that your gift has given you many not so pleasant experiences. I am sure you are not the exception being a person with this certain and unusual gift and still everything is not butterflies and rainbows that one would expect at first. I am just not sure why for some psychic people it's different from what you describe - and instead the gift is a gift in the full sense of the world.

Boson

[metal68]

I think for all the downsides you are Incredibly lucky; You know 100% in your own mind that there is an afterlife and you must have a miniscule fear of death. You are separate from 99% of the rest of us and are TRULY blessed!!

I wish I had it, for sure.

[Uma]

I feel your frustration Ravenspirit.
I do see a pattern with people who are spiritually gifted and born into a family of doubters. The gift is not meant to be supported for a reason.
I believe it means that it may be time for you to move beyond this "siddhis", the Sanskrit term for paranormal powers, and work on pure meditation beyond the astral planes...
Not knocking mediumship, which is a great service to some people, but to me it's just a stage on the journey.
If you are into meditation for enlightenment, the masters say ignore it.
The more noble your intentions, the higher level masters you would attract - and repel the dark entities.
The greatest insights come from the true guide within, that Divine part of us that coexists in unity consciousness.
What do you think?

[wolfgaze]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences Ravenspirit....

[Asrai]

I have also experienced some of the things you describe. I thought that training would help but I have come to the conclusion that it is too dangerous for me to open myself up. I wonder why some people don't have this problem?? I have even wondered if I was supposed to help the dark, lost spirits, negative entities somehow but I have since ceased that practice. I have even been told that I must be a fear-based individual because otherwise I would not encounter these beings. hmph! I also can't stand it when some tell me that these things don't exist.

Thank you for sharing Ravenspirit! It really helps when there is someone who can relate. I would also like to warn people against the use of the various doors you have mentioned, especially with people who have the tendency for mediumship. It kills me when I see these ghosthunting shows and the people in them don't know what they might be dealing with or what the consequences could be.

[Podshell]

Sometimes in order to learn/progress we end up with scars or injuries

I know my experiences are minor compared to Ravens but an outcome of one experience which I will use again springs to mind.

About twenty years ago I had my first conscious astral projection, when I awoke I was extremely scared , it scared me that this phenomena actually existed,at first I wanted to bury the reality, forget about it consider it a dream, but I told myself 'Well I am just going to accept it no matter how much it scared me'

Since then I have been damaged while projecting due to my own foolishness, and probably caused others problems, but I think the amount I have learnt from it was worth the pain and the damage, on the other hand I may be being too stubborn and end up being too damaged, but I feel I am far from that yet

I had medium experience to which I was unaware at the time, luckily I guess I was with a group of church elders whom unbeknown to me made sense of it after it happened. I come from a family who had mediums like my aunty, but her experiences weren't so nice, as a child I use to watch her become possessed I guess the word is for what it looked to me at the time. My father and mother would have the holy bible and the holy water to help calm my aunty down, the growling and the screaming foreign language was what use to come from my aunty, as a child I never felt frightened or anything just observed peacefully like I'm not sure how I did it but trust me as everyone else was freaking out I just watched. I use to ask what is happening to her and my mum would say our loved ones use to come forth through aunty to bring messages to family but our aunty was not strong enough to handle some of them so she would end up a victim to the service. I was alway's close to this aunty strangely enough, it all made sense as I grew, like I said I had an experience with mediumship which thankfully it was a good experience I might say, my friend committed suicide the day before she did it, I saw her in the post shop, I looked at her and somehow her eyes pierced a forever glance through my eyes to my soul, strange as it sounds but that's how it felt..The next day I was told what had happened, but that night she attempted to do it, I dreamed I saw her and asked her what she was doing, she explained and decided to stop when it was too late, I couldn't explain to anyone till years later we went to my friends sisters place to pray for the sister as she was very sick to the point of dying. In the days before my church elders and I were to attend my friends sisters healing prayer service, I started changing, I dyed my hair brown, I was looking so much like my friend who had passed, but I understood why when we went to the home. As we approach the people of the house their was a young child a little girl who followed me into the house and sat down beside me, weird as it seemed I was looking for this child too, the family to this child told us that she belonged to my friend who had passed 4 yrs gone, and it was strange she would sit by me as she would never sit by strangers..As we proceeded to pray to open up the healing session our minister asked the family who was sick and why, the sister to my friend was very sick because she did not grieve the death of of my friend(her own younger sister) as she was the pretiest daughter in the family and by her passing thought their mother would love her just as much, but it did not happen. Once that was out in the open our minister ask if anyone had anything to say, everyone said no but as they came around to me, I was thinking to myself to not say anything, out of no where I felt an actual body inside of me, her crying tears as they wept, I was explaining to everyone what was happening to me and that I was the vessel being used to pass on a message, and my mouth blurted out the message which was not me but my friend; saying that she did not know her living sister felt like that all these years and that she forgives her for feeling that way, everyone stared at me, my eldest brother cried my dad cried, I was just overwhelmed, it was a beautiful experience..I felt used like Whoopi Goldberg on Ghost, but I was happy to help in this circumstances. Everything worked out the older sister got better, I use to see them in the grocery store, I guess in Awe would be the word..the look on their faces..theirs been other medium experiences but this was the nicest one that came to me to talk about the most..

[Asrai]

I too have had some "nice" experiences through mediumship. Thanks for pointing that out Marthar5. It's not all bad!!

I especially liked the one where I did automatic writing for the first time. A man came through me to write a message to his mother I was sitting with. We were in a medium class and everyone was amazed that I got a message other than scribbling my first time trying it. I have to say it was a strange sensation, having my arm and hand move without me moving it. There was a lot of tingling and I definitely felt when he left.

As strange as it might sound, it didn't freak me out considering the experiences I've had in the past. They said I might have a knack for physical mediumship but I can't bring myself to allowing that, just yet anyway. I do feel stronger than I was before, not as naive. I go back and forth I guess.

[moonincancer]

Thank you for sharing your experiences Ravenspirit.
I think I also agree with what Uma said that maybe this ability was but one step in your journey.
Best