Dating Advice

[Lollypoppet]

Hi All,

I just wanted some..advice. I've been on the dating scene a while now, and have been online dating, it's been so so, i've been on a few dates, some were fun and some were okay, and thats fine.

There's been a couple that I had liked a lot, and it just wasn't mutual. Obviously when it didnt work out with people I did like, I got disappointed and kind of started thinking if it was me? I've read so many books on dating etc, that I just try and carry on with my life like normal, and can't tell if it was something I did or just them. I got really excited about them, but would still try and play it out cool. Y'know, not texting back straight away etc.

I'm still online dating with hope. But I was just thinking, with all the powers of the universe, if the right person does come along, it would just work out naturally on its own wouldn't it? These dating "games" wouldnt apply right? I dont know if i'm asking for advice or reassurance, probably both, but would love to hear with some positivity! x

[sunsoul]

Firstly, it is good to go on so many dates.. Maybe you have been on too many I don't know.. Yes, when you are ready I am sure someone will turn up. We don't know how life is mapped out though, so there may be a few twists and turns yet.

I think we can learn a lot from our experiences. You probably also know more clearly the type of partner that you are looking for after meeting all these different kinds of people!

[Lollypoppet]

it's not that i dont like being single, i've enjoy it honestly, but sometimes I'd like to share things with that way y'know? I suppose there are still a few twists and turns as you say. I'm sure when the right person does eventually turn up it'll work out regardless of the dating rules.

It can just be a little tiring and frustrating. I'm trying to work on my feelings about people, y'know vibes. Theres one guy i'm talking to at the moment, i do like him, i even did a reading from the Doreen Virtue romance angels cards, which told me to basically go with it, this could be something, but I dunno! its just frustrating.

[fennel]

Don't over-think things and just enjoy yourself. We've all been in your place- analyzing every conversation or glance...it's part of the excitement.

I am wondering why you delay texting a potential bf back, particularly if you like him. I think you should treat your dates the way you would want to be treated. I was never into "games"- I was straightforward. I am a lesbian, however- I had to be the aggressor in the dating world, otherwise I'd never have gotten anywhere!
Still, I think times have changed enough that women should feel comfortable asking a guy out or making that first text.

Keep on dating, and good luck...sooner or later, Mr. "Right" will come along.

Well, I have not been on a date in, OMG, 25 years (faint), but I dated a good bit at one time, well, for a year in between losing one soul mate and unknowingly stumbling onto a second lol. And I'll tell you what every single person in a serious relationship has ever told me; when you stop "searching" for "the one" and decide to relax and just have fun, that's when you find them .

And I agree with Fennel, these are modern times, along with no games, waiting times have gone out the window for texting/calling back (I still don't date, but an old boyfriend recently got in touch, and I was surprised at how persistent he was, and how quickly he called back, so I asked a couple of single women I worked with, and they told me you can call next day!! I was quite surprised lol)

[CrystalSong]

I'm probably old school, but after a pleasant date I rest or email the person and thank them for a lovely evening. It just seems the polite thing to do.

I can relate to what you are going through, your story sounds just like me before I met my husband. I often wondered if it was me or something I was doing wrong. I realise that you need to be yourself and the right person will accept you just for that, and it can take time to meet that person, I'm very sure you will. You just need to believe that you will and visualise it happening, do you know about the Law of Attraction? There is a film called The Secret, if you apply the Law of Attraction to your dating life, it will all make sense. Sure, there will be lots of people you meet who are totally not right for you and lots that you may just like as friends. I would just focus on having a good time with whoever you are on a date with and not read into things too much, meanwhile find lots of things to do that you enjoy doing, you may meet your special someone in this way, or even in the workplace or through friends. It WILL happen for you!!

[kralaro]

Originally Posted by Lollypoppet

if the right person does come along, it would just work out naturally on its own wouldn't it? These dating "games" wouldnt apply right?

There can be at least 2 ways of seeing these games.
One is that you transform your personality consistent to the dating advice, for example you said "not texting back straight away", now behind this rule there can be teaching that don't be desperate, so instead of taking care to follow this rule, one can leave behind desperation if he/she is having any. Instead of "play it out cool", one can actually keep his/her mind cool. Similarly, things like: don't be anxious, be comfortable in one's skin etc. These may be things underlying the games and these are obvious/intuitive IMO.
Another way of seeing these games is in the way of manipulating others.

You can let it go on its own. Think about how friendships are formed. When I liked being in presence of someone I automatically joked and had fun, which kept things interesting and those people got attracted to me.

If I would want a partner then I'm thinking that I'll be straightforward, I know what I want. While some other person may prefer being mysterious, playing games etc. . You can just follow your personality. If you attract someone by manipulating him and both of you do get together then would you be willing to play games all your life to keep him attracted.

I may have been wrong somewhere as dating is not my area.

Originally Posted by kralaro

There can be at least 2 ways of seeing these games.
One is that you transform your personality consistent to the dating advice, for example you said "not texting back straight away", now behind this rule there can be teaching that don't be desperate, so instead of taking care to follow this rule, one can leave behind desperation if he/she is having any. Instead of "play it out cool", one can actually keep his/her mind cool. Similarly, things like: don't be anxious, be comfortable in one's skin etc. These may be things underlying the games and these are obvious/intuitive IMO.

Excellent.

Originally Posted by kralaro

I may have been wrong somewhere as dating is not my area.

It was perfect. (IMO)

I recently spoke to a young man who was smitten with a young woman who worked at a restaurant that had a drive-thru. He had worked up his nerve, placed his order and as she was handing it to him he quickly read her nametag and said, "Michelle?" she looked at him and smiled prettily. That was all it took for this young man's brain to short circuit and he paused long enough that his pause got awkward and her smile faded. He drove off completely embarrassed and was wondering if there was a way to salvage the experience. Here's what I told him:

Yes, drive thru again and tell her exactly what happened. You're in a drive-thru, you have fifteen seconds. We discussed it some more and this is what we came up with:

"Michelle? Look, last time I came through here I was going to introduce myself and say something cool. What happened instead was I took one look at you and your cuteness short-circuited the connection between my brain and my mouth. I'm going to go home and practice being cool and I'll be back tomorrow."

He said that when he pulled up the next day he didn't remember what he said but he remembered what she said. "My number's in your bag", smiled and shut the window.

Try honesty. It's disarming.