Struggling with seperation

Elysium · #1 19-01-2018, 09:46 PM

How do I get my inspiration, my meaning in life, my purpose, peace, and happiness back without her here with me? She was the reason for all of that. She was my super woman. My hero... I feel disappointed. Depressed, dead inside, hopeless... She's never coming back. I can't change it. I would love to have her as a friend. It just seems like it'll never happen. I just wanna get everything back that I lost.

Advice would be appreciated.

Inika · #2 19-01-2018, 10:01 PM

you'll never get inspired, peace, purpose, happiness if it always depends on someone else being in the picture.

happiness, peace, inspiration and life purpose as long as she is in your life?- it'll be temporary until they leave.

so how are you gonna do this?

you dont like yourself, you dont think yourself is interesting, peaceful, happy enough to be inspired by. thats where you should start. yourself.

FairyCrystal · #3 19-01-2018, 10:06 PM

I totally agree with Inika. Sounds like you're über co-dependent and that is not a good place to be. Your happiness in life shouldn't hinge on someone else being there. Now there's missing someone and there's not being able to live with someone.
You got to start with you. Love yourself so you can find happiness in life again. If you cannot do this on your own, get professional help to get you there.

OEN34 · #4 19-01-2018, 10:50 PM

As above.

No external form will find the peace and happiness you require. They are all temporary and an illusion as you are finding out now.

Invest energy in yourself.

A human Being · #5 19-01-2018, 11:56 PM

Before you think about finding meaning, purpose, inspiration, happiness, etc., I think you've just got to allow yourself to grieve her loss, open to the hurt inside.

It's not easy, I know, and I really do feel for you - just be kind to yourself, and don't try to move on before you're ready to

Nature Grows · #6 20-01-2018, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elysium

How do I get my inspiration, my meaning in life, my purpose, peace, and happiness back without her here with me?

What did you do or how were you before you met her then?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elysium

She was the reason for all of that. She was my super woman. My hero... I feel disappointed. Depressed, dead inside, hopeless... She's never coming back.

It's ok to feel those ways, it's just the bodies reaction to what has happend, it will pass its just a healing process taking place. If you can get outta the mind it will help, just feel what you feel, in fact! feel what you feel but don't give it a reason, if that makes sense, you feel depressed, dead inside, hopeless because i underline "because" because that is the bridge word that creates in your mind the reason to why you feel these things, in this case its because of the girl, take away the because and just feel how ever you feel but dont blame it on anything, you don't know why you feel the way you feel.. do that, and see what happens its very hard to keep feeling miserable when you have no reason to be, you feel how you feel an you don't know why, theres no reason theres no because, give that a try if you want.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elysium

I can't change it. I would love to have her as a friend. It just seems like it'll never happen. I just wanna get everything back that I lost.

Advice would be appreciated.

Stuff like this can be hard, yeah, things change you know, trust in the universe! sometimes we hold onto things we thought were good because we think it may not happen again maybe? or something even better, all the best.

ssdm1 · #7 20-01-2018, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elysium

How do I get my inspiration, my meaning in life, my purpose, peace, and happiness back without her here with me? She was the reason for all of that. She was my super woman. My hero... I feel disappointed. Depressed, dead inside, hopeless... She's never coming back. I can't change it. I would love to have her as a friend. It just seems like it'll never happen. I just wanna get everything back that I lost.

Advice would be appreciated.

From experience I suggest concentrating on what you do have, no matter how small it is, not on what you don't (her) and I know how hard that is.

Decades ago when we separated I threw myself into my school work (at the time) and into my first job, and I ended up excelling in those. I found joy, a purpose, motivation, new friends and I moved further and further away from him. He did not totally leave my mind but was comfortably in the background.

Now that he's back in my life I find I'm going through the same thing again. Again I'm concentrating one what I do have, my volunteer work, writing, and again I find myself excelling. Today I had my first article published.

Hope that may help some.

happyhaunts03 · #8 20-01-2018, 01:34 AM

Turn inward. Look at yourself and decide what you need to improve to be satisfied with the person you are. Meditate on it, light candles, whatever works to help you center yourself. When you improve yourself, the need for other things can be diminished. In my experience, it was only after I suffered separation and grew into a better version of myself that I found what I needed. Good luck!

Elysium · #9 20-01-2018, 02:17 AM

Thank you all for the thoughts and replies. I guess my problem was/is that no matter how much I improve myself, and I've come a long way with that, she is always on my mind. I had this idea that if I put in the work on myself, thoughts of her would fade, and I would forget about her. Don't think I ever will, but that doesn't mean this is the end of my life. I'm barely 28, so more chance than not its not the end.

I think I'm just going to focus on my goals, and I only have two main ones. Try to get those completed. I know they'll help bring more happiness at least.

Christine01 · #10 20-01-2018, 02:50 AM

Elysium I agree it is hard to keep them out of your mind..it's like they become the thought you revert to constantly through the day. I feel relieved when I an go at least an hour without him entering my thoughts.

To me the TF journey is a two edged sword..the bliss, the growth the transformation it can bring is not matched by anything. The transformation in my understanding of myself, things I needed to confront are in the spotlight. It is something you can't explain to others. They cannot understand it, as there is no experience that is like it. I am thankful I have come to realise that this is what it is, because before I just thought it was an insane mid life crisis crush. And I was shocked and disturbed because my TF is much younger than me..which is not unusual. But for me it brought up insecurities about my age, how I look and my life circumstances. But it has had the lesson of making me realise age really is just a number. I did not realise I could feel so connected to a person who is different to me in so many ways.

The transformation part is beautiful. He has been the catalyst for changing my life into something completely different. We are not in a romantic relationship which I long for, but I feel strongly it is coming. I think when it gets hard know the universe, source, God is supporting you. But yes, many times I wonder is this a blessing or a curse. In terms of support I will give you an example ...I saw my TF last night. Our relationship is a professional one. There were elements of seeing him last night that made me feel rejected and sad. But I know where he is at right now, how the Journey is supposed to run, and what I need to understand - that being disillusioned at times will be a part of the journey, as I go through my spiritual growth. I understand that what is happening in 3D can be an illusion, and more is going on underneath. This is where intuition comes in.

As my example I left last night, feeling the sadness, bit of despair, but reminding myself to not fall into illusion. I then started to feel an increase in his energy physically on my body. I had actually been feeling it when I was in the room with him - which is a first. I have never been with him and felt the physical sensations I get on my arms. But the thing that stopped me dead in my tracks was that the universe KNEW I needed something at that time. I stopped at a store for groceries..my thoughts going back and forth to him..I was not listening to the music playing in the store...then a song came on - an extremely unusual song that is a direct connection to him. The chance of it was completely near impossible. it is not a mainstream song, and is an unusual genre of music. I could not believe it.. but I knew it was the universe saying..the connection is there, don't fret, this is your reminder. It's all ok. Trust.

Good luck to you Elysium. If this is a TF connection you will get signs and support when you need it most. Most of all do work on your masterpiece, which is your life, and yes keep time to think of them, but keep yourself in mind first.