I Need Advice. What Am I?

[WestonG]

Hey,

I've just stumbled across this concept and feel I'm tumbling down the rabbit hole. From birth I've felt different. Like I didn't belong. Like nobody thinks the way I do. I have memories of being so aware, observational and able to judge people and situations. From an age most people don't retain memory off. My father was always baffled by the wisdom and knowledge I possessed from a very young age. My mother used to say I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. She used to say I was an angel. I was disinterested in conventional life. I shunned education. I have many views of and see clearly where humanity is going wrong. I have a strong affinity with animals and nature. I could calm stray dogs and befriend wild animals from a toddler. They always seemed to trust me. I sense that animals are pure beings. I have always felt a strong sense of interconnection in the world. It's hard to explain but I feel like I see everything around me as almost the same matter. I place very little value on material possessions.

I have had strong empathy from a young age. To this day I cannot stand people arguing or animosity of any kind. I have to remove myself as it almost physically pains me. I can feel an atmosphere in a room and feel I can almost see a person's soul when I look into their eyes. Like I know someone intrinsically before they say a word. People seem initially frosty and unsure of me and I of them. But quickly seem to act like they've known me for years when I feel estranged to them. Unable to connect. It makes me uncomfortable. I have few friends but those I have seem to value me and my presence in some way I cannot explain. I find the corruption and cruelty of humanity abhorrent. I have a strong sense of things not being right in the world.. I've always felt old and world weary. I feel ancient now. I'm 27. I stare deep into the sky at night and feel at home. It almost energises me. I have a strong interest in science and science fiction. Science was always my strongest subject and something I seemed to intrinsically understand. Children have always seemed fascinated by me. To the point that people I was with would always ask me puzzled "Why is that kid starring at you like that".

I have never slept well. I used to see apparitions and feel a presence regularly. Now I experience insomnia, vivid dreams that often come true and sleep paralysis. I used to lie awake for hours each and every night thinking of ways I could fix or save humanity. I have recurring dreams of the end of the world and a strong sense of doom. This next bit sounds crazy and I'm reluctant to share... but I feel like I am far more powerful than my physical form. Like I can leave my body and fly. And I want to. I feel trapped and imprisoned in this body. I also feel like some force is with me. And sometimes is trying to communicate. I used to tell it to come take me. "Now. I want to leave". "I don't want to be here any more" "I can't help these people". I felt like this force or presence had the ability to lift me above the earth and take me home.

I'm not in a good place now. I have been heavily depressed for a number of years and suffer with generalised and social anxiety. I can't cope with being in public or locked into a conversation. It overwhelms and exhausts me. I have become bitter and resentful of humanity. My dreams of saving the world have somewhat turned to thoughts of ending it. The presence I always felt with me has faded. Maybe gone. I feel naked. Alone. Powerless. Empty without it. All I can think is " I want to go" I want to leave" "I don't want to be here". One thing I have never experienced is a clear memory of a past life. Or where I come from. I just have a sense of it. If there is any efficacy to all this... I theorise I have not yet been awoken. May not have yet remembered. I used to spend hours in bed each night searching my soul voraciously for an answer I could feel so strongly but never find. I feel I may have given up searching.

I don't know what to do.

Please ask for any more information,

Thank you