I dislike most of the qualities of my mom.Is it a sin?

I find her annoying.She is kind of too bossy.I do love her.But there are so many things about her which I hate.Even dad complaints about them.Is this a sin?She met with an accident lately.A small domestic accident and she is unable to walk for a couple of weeks.She needs her bed pan near her.I refuse to do that work.She is not disgusting to me.I am simply not comfortable.I feel ashamed of myself.I feel like I don't love my mom and I am doing a sin.I can't force myself to show her my love.

Not at all a sin. You're entitled to like or dislike as you choose. Whether it's productive depends - on whether it's just her ways and habits that annoy you; or her actions put you at a disadvantage, like if she constricts what you can do.

People are as they are. Just take care not to reward whatever acts grind against you. It's difficult, like dealing with a young child. Give in to a tantrum and the child/person learns that that's the way to get things done.

♥

[shoni7510]

You can't force yourself to love somebody, it needs to come from within. Have you always felt this way about your mom or is it a recent thing perhaps that came when you came of age? Most people go through a phase of despising their parents especially when they reach 17-22 years old but they recover again as soon as they have their own children and can epathise with their parents.

Originally Posted by shoni7510

You can't force yourself to love somebody, it needs to come from within. Have you always felt this way about your mom or is it a recent thing perhaps that came when you came of age? Most people go through a phase of despising their parents especially when they reach 17-22 years old but they recover again as soon as they have their own children and can epathise with their parents.

I have felt this way since my childhood.When I was like 10 or maybe even before that.She was over protective.But that wasn't the case here.She became too bossy since only few years back.When I was a kid she was kind but sort of a helicopter mother.Yet I wasnt much fond of her all the time.I wanted her around me though like any kid that age.I remember I cried for months in the nursery until she came back to pick me.But some hate/dislike gradually started to stem out.With and without reasons.She abandoned her kids from her previous marriage.At their age of 18 or 20.She stopped looking after them like a mother would do.She did invite them to our house time to time and we would have small get togethers but nothing more than that.Now we don't even know where my step siblings are.She focused on me only.She completely gave up on them.But I don't give love to her as much as she deserves for what she is doing for me.It doesn't happen.I see how much love my friends have for their mothers and I feel terrible for not feeling the same way.I DO love her but it's not at the level she deserves.

[Visitor]

Parents generally love their children but may not like what they do.
Children generally love their parents but may not like what they do.

Same situation here. A lot of negative thought patterns and judgement from my immediate family.

The more I progress spiritually the more I realize I don't have to let her or any other family members get to me. I've begun to notice that most of what i used to find myself getting upset about is no longer upsetting me. Once i chose to understand why she and others act the way they do all it left was "why am i annoyed about this" this caused me to work on stuff I've never dealt with or didn't realize i needed to work on.

The more i grow the more i realize what i notice in others is just a reflection of myself.

"What you notice in others you strengthen in yourself"
~Eckhart Tolle

[baro-san]

Did she wipe your fanny?
Are you still living under her roof? (at 22)
Are you supporting yourself 100%?

You should show compassion and gratitude firstly, and wonder about liking and loving later!

[Delsol]

She may find you annoying too - thus the bossiness! Ha ha.

Some people believe we actually chose out parents before birth - consciously - to experience certain dynamics that will eventually lead to growth. With this in mind, I think it is positive that you are questioning your own emotions and actions. Imagine you chose this person to be your mom just as she is. What might you have expected to learn? Embrace that lesson - it is perhaps for you both!

[shoni7510]

Originally Posted by FrankieJG

I have felt this way since my childhood.When I was like 10 or maybe even before that.She was over protective.But that wasn't the case here.She became too bossy since only few years back.When I was a kid she was kind but sort of a helicopter mother.Yet I wasnt much fond of her all the time.I wanted her around me though like any kid that age.I remember I cried for months in the nursery until she came back to pick me.But some hate/dislike gradually started to stem out.With and without reasons.She abandoned her kids from her previous marriage.At their age of 18 or 20.She stopped looking after them like a mother would do.She did invite them to our house time to time and we would have small get togethers but nothing more than that.Now we don't even know where my step siblings are.She focused on me only.She completely gave up on them.But I don't give love to her as much as she deserves for what she is doing for me.It doesn't happen.I see how much love my friends have for their mothers and I feel terrible for not feeling the same way.I DO love her but it's not at the level she deserves.

Thanks for the response. It does not sound like a passing phase maybe it is a karmic relationship.

[Paige Ignited]

On the day you reach perfection – be sure to let us know. Because that won’t happen.
No-body is perfect and motherhood never came with an instruction book. Bugger!
An over-protective mother may be harming in the long run her child more then she realizes, but that’s life (and its quite sh*t sometimes) even for parents) but your mum was doing what she felt right to her at the time.
At least she loved you enough to feel you needed protecting or else she could’ve just thrown you to the wolves or left you on a doorstep.
You are her child, her flesh and blood and its instinct for her to do so whether you like it or not. I’d consider yourself blessed if I were you. Think about it.

Aren’t all mum’s bossy to some extent? Mine was bossy.
She was strict and she was quite often cranky. Tired and fed-up with my inconsiderate ways I’d say.
Do this! – Don’t do that! You’re not allowed this or that, and you can’t go there!
That’s it - I’ve had enough – Go to your room!
Parents put up with a lot you know. And most of the time we wished we didn’t have to either. But we do... because we love our children.
Come rain, hail or shine... most of the time it’s a mum doing this for you and doing that for you, regardless of how you do or don’t treat her. If you don’t like “what” she does for you now... do it yourself.
You’re more then old enough to move out, get a job, cook your own meals, pay your own bills and clean your own toilet. Sounds good eh?

But then again, I guess some mum’s should just lighten the **** up and get off their kids back already, and butt out of their child’s business and let them do what they want, whenever they want and without boundary. That would be the best way, don’t you think?
At least there’d be no wondering about how so many ungrateful, inconsiderate, pesky kids/ teenagers/come adult - came about then. Because the answer would be crystal clear.
And I mean no offense by that at all – I was a kid once too and at times a rotten teen and didn’t fully grasp the error of my ways.
This, by the way – was my thought pattern; of which stemmed from bad b*tch “Miss Ego”.

This hate/dislike is your problem first. Yeah I can get they have “stemmed” possibly from your mum and your upbringing but at the end of the day it’s now yours to delve into and ask yourself some tough questions. If you were 10 yrs old, the questions would be a little easier. But your 22. You can do it! As you already are.
It’ll be like devouring a nice big sour lemon with icing afterwards.
Dig into your emotions without fear, and you will find what you need to satisfy this terrible feeling; of feeling like you don’t love her like she deserves.
If it were me – I’d be delving into the obvious reasons first of why you think this hate/dislike has come about. For the obvious reason of they are easier to reach.
After them you’ll likely find there won’t be that many of “without reasons” to look at anyway.
Tip – The 12 Step Program could help you immensely here. If you do it right.

She abandoned her kids? To be honest – This is her business and not really yours and she probably felt good reason to do such. Regardless of whether it’s right or wrong. It was right in her eyes for whatever reason she gives it, and you need to come to terms with it for your own peace. Maybe try talking with your mother to understand why?
Sometimes when things go pear-shaped in a family, there’s actually a lot more going on behind the scenes then you ever realized. (And as you were young none of this was probably your worry, but all hers) Put yourself in her shoes sometimes; if it were you.
Then you may be able to get over this grudge you seem to have because once again, she done what she felt right. After all they are her kids. Not yours.
You’re lucky to have had a mum that focused on you!
Possibly too much, but hey ...it could have been worse and you could have had Medusa for a mum!

Sorry for being so blunt and apologies if it hit a raw nerve of any kind.
I do realize you are feeling terrible, but tonight I’m in a “raw” mood (or I've eaten too many Easter eggs) and this post also needed some more “raw love”.
But I make no apology for being an imperfect mother myself...and I always done what I thought best for my children whether they liked it or not.
It’s what mum’s do!

I will just add – as I can feel both sides of your dilemma. Perhaps you love your mum in a different way ... and will never be able to love in the way you “perceive” love to be for a mother.
There is nothing wrong with this. People love differently for whatever reason, family or not.
But I’ll bet my 12 tennis balls that your lack of love has a lot to do with resentment.

to you ... cos resentments are a mongrel! (But can be ditched)