Hello

Abwithe · #1 13-05-2018, 02:11 PM

Good morning.. I’m here, because it’s time for me to find me. My father, whom many years ago, traveled away from “church” not Christianity but from being a lay reader and member of the church., a degree in theology no less. He found a new path in past life regressions and opened his heart and soul and began many changes..he then passed..

I find myself in different journey. I have traveled a painful and sometimes awesome path, none of which I would take back. All of those have led to my current place. I have always been spiritual. I’m here to seek answers, to me. To identify, and work on those issues.

I have had dreams of others in my life, premonitions, de ja vu.. lucid dreams, and flying dreams— ( when I was younger)..I sense things, and have used my intuition for my entire life, to save others in professional manner, and or my self from bad energy/ people wishing to do me or others harm..

I believe in the last year after dealing with losses on every level, job and family. My freind, for whom years I was not relationship interested but we liked and loved being around each other in moderation, and talking and doing things together, have developed something I never expected, she was not on my radar.

We came closer. Though many times we denied to others that we would be this way. Well in the last few months, the push pull and mixed messages and fear of us -Took a toll. She ran.

She moved away no goodbyes and then blocked me, I believe denial of feelings in verbiage but actions showed love and fear. I have not chased her I know better. There is always more to say but I don’t want to be a thread hog.

We had been intimate awhile back and it was step we both wanted and it happened once. It was the most natural state and loving place I have ever been. She indicated the same, and the feelings that came that time and in the last few months scared her.

Above all things I miss my freind.. I’m not mad at her at all. I worry about her and the decisions she just made. I have had anxiety and bad dreams prior to her move.. My intuition has told me this move won’t work and all the red flags are there. My gut tells me, she will be back, this journey is for her to take, I have my own to work on me.

The last year was crushing my soul, Hell was apparent in my life..she brought me out of it.. as I have done for her in the past.

I miss her, her voice, i miss those moments of just being around each other. This is not a sex relationship, I could care less. I just miss my freind. I love her.
I see more angel numbers, her name shows up at least twice a week in places I would never see it before. It’s been couple months since we had a text or conversation, she has not rebuked me, as she is very verbally direct.. she will tell you off.

I’m here to find me, work on what I’m not sure, but I know that I have to do this. Is she my tf, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think she was. I can accept whatever the universe throws at me. I have been in many relationships, thought I found a soulmate, and uh..that’s perosn is borderline cluster b...I thought that was love.. nope.. it hurt me deeply.

This is entirely different.. we love each other. But I sense her fear of letting it go forward and pushing me away. Sorry to hijack. I will lurk and seek solace and advice form those dealing with or having g dealt with this.. time and patience is what’s is called for.. I have to reflect on me.. I do not know where to start.. Thanks A..