Why did the mediums look at me as if I was bad? How to close this up?

I have known now for years that the fragments I had of a past life connection with my luv would be verified, and more so, with 2 different mediums. They were not approaching me with this but my luv, these two did not know each other, the mediums that is, and it was on two different occasions.

My luv has a sympathetic way to him, looks nice (or to me he looks nice but I have been told this… a lot, but we all have our physical attraction types I think so it does not matter). Both medium acted as if they were sort of "impressed" by him and began too describing his best qualities. And then well, that life…

I have experienced personally more from that life, what happened, and then it is from my perspective. When the mediums has told him about his it has then been from his perspective, and in the middle of their stories they become aware of me - and has both given me a sort of startled, almost judging look or that is how I feel. Dead silence. I am already ashamed from the little I did know about that life, so I have understood why they have given me that look, but after me having had now my own experiences, from my perspective, their way of looking at me that way has felt more bad now than before. One time I even signaled one of the medium as if to say do-not-tell-him-who-I-was.

My luv would always say that he never had vivid dreams and he use to joke with me and say living with me has been a nightmare as in him starting to have such nightmares after we met. Before he used to pride himself that he would not dream anything or that the dreams would not do such an impact on him. I have noticed there is one and the same theme in them. Often he would also tell me that he had had that dream before, or that feeling in the dream before. He is relating it to me, he is calling out for me. I am lost to him and I am called into the darkness of something. He has lots of times been filled with anger and jealousy and dreaming that I have gone back to an ex, and this feeling has been so real to him that he has stayed that way for hours after.

The story, my experiences now that is, is not something that I have verified, not through proof, research which is how I am used to doing this, I simply do not have enough to go by. The best would also have been if I would have remembered while still a child as then what I have experienced could not be colored by me taking in false information and then making that into my past life, I'm always skeptic about these things.

What I "remember", experienced was this: We were romantically involved in a life, my luv and I. A situation surfaced where I feared or knew "he" (someone else) or "they" would find us and kill us both. If I instead "returned" with the ultimatum that he would then be left in peace and that I would never again be in any contact with him - he would live.

I guess (but this part I do not remember) I then left my luv (who I was romantically in some way involved with in that life) to return.

The man I returned too, his energy was not the good kind. I can not say what kind of relationship this was. It could have been prestige why he had become our enemy and then accepted me back as a way for his pride, his image to be restored. I do not think this was about love. I don't think he was built that way, that man.

I had this speech planned out and would tell the "bad man" that he (my luv) was innocent, and to let him be, and that he (the "bad man") and I were the same, and now I knew this. The only reason I would admit to coming back, and stay, was if he promised not to hurt my luv, but hurt me if he wanted to, I would stay anyhow.

The way when I spoke and this bad man listened it was as if when he talked I would not believe his words, they were manipulative, and the same it was when I talked. He just sort of gave me a smear kind of look, "smile", if you can call it that. But it was as behind all the talk we did understand each other. I would tell him "We are the same", as in me and the bad man being the same and that I now knew where I belonged (with the bad man). I think I would have said anything, but it was too as if I had accepted this faith. I think I had felt bad or been bad in some way, not clear to me how, before in life, and that we were of the same, but it was as if I knew he was really the bad man with much colder heart than I had. That no matter what I belonged to him. That they? could find me and would. That I had belonged to him always. That I was "branded". That I did not deserve to be happy and to be left alone with my luv, that I too saw him as innocent and me as something else.

I stayed believing that my luv in this life was kept in peace, was still alive. Was left alone. What he thought of me did not matter.

Then at some point, either I was old and dying or not that old, but I felt vulnerable, and this was the time the "bad man" told me that he had not hurt my luv, he had stayed faithful to his promise, he had, however, killed him, as extreme as that sounds, or in any case my luv was dead now, and it was because of the bad man. He had cold heart waited all this time before telling me and when telling me when I was vulnerable so I would too know that all this time had gone by. It was as if the little bird I had felt in my chest, my heart, my hope - my luv being saved - just died in my chest. As if I died then too, spiritually. I can't say if I died for real, but it felt like a sort of death.

Now if I was to look at this life, this situation from the 2 mediums - my luv was left by me, someone he loved, was in love with, and then he was dead.

During my experiences "Maria Magdalena", and "the condemned" would even come through as chosen words as if to say even so Jesus would still love me but it is impossible for me to know if that were thoughts I had to make me feel better (me being bad myself in some mysterious way that I do not know how), or if this was something that my luv in that life was trying to tell me, or it could also be he knew nothing of my "real identity", my life.

Why did the 2 mediums look at me like that? What can I do to make it right? Why did they not see how I sacrificed myself to try to save him? That I wanted him out of this. Each of those times when they came towards to talk of his death they chose careful words and they both looked at me as if I was the bad one. Why could they not see my true self, if they were now mediums, that I did not want this for him?

The old fear I have had for an ex in this life (who was thought to be a man who has psychopathy), the same, similar sort of energy came through with the bad man, not saying this is one and the same, could just be my story, my experiences were influenced by my own feelings in this life.

Is there a way to close this up, so that he won't have his nightmares again?