The Important of Our Words

We did much better in person or on the phone although we did have great email exchanges. I can be very genuine and heartfelt but I can also try to "charm" and I did that big time, especially when he was going to move away. He seemed always very genuine.

Ugh- Spirit spoke to me along the way I just didn't see it. And since we separated he has written more than once, "We were always so good when we were together." Because we were. But my written words totally overwhelmed him, and I am done with that forever. It took me this- this *koff koff* uniquely terrifying and painful twin soul separation to see the error of my ways. Yet I am thankful to be more free and pure and authentic so... it by far works.

Not to mention I am supposed to be writing a novel. It's another level to all of this because when you have someone like me who knows she can fall back on the written word to "woo" and convince and suddenly that is COMPLETELY taken away- it starts some heavy self-reflection... it's when I realized I'm supposed to do something with my gift beyond trying to keep someone in love with me especially when he loved me already.

Originally Posted by smARTistic girl

I noticed this phenomenon as well. I always wrote from the heart, truly tried *not* to manipulate, but the harder I tried to use words to put him at ease, the worse he felt. There were several times that his responses (or lack of responses) would leave me so confused. For someone who "got" me in almost every other way, he seemed to freak out when I'd write about important things. It seemed my writings would leave him more anxious when I was aiming for calming... I remember thinking that he's the ONLY one who could read that and get THAT out of what I wrote. It took me forever to understand where he was coming from. I often wish I could go back and tell myself to just shut up. If I ever get another chance, I will talk much less.

My writing has FILLED him with anxiety. He has told me. Scared him. Terrified him. Makes him want to RUN.

Why do we think it helps when if we looked or listened, we would see and know it doesn't? Big mystery to me.

For me, it's as if I think... I HAVE to express this... HAVE to let him know.... and it's not real. not me and inevitably, it gets massaged and tweaked and ends up false in some way, some extreme, some not so....

Maybe these relationships are so sky high intense with emotion that we feel we have to keep matching it in everything we do when the truth is, keeping things 'normal' would serve us so much better. ground it, bring it all down, instead of fueling the intensity.... It got so I was almost afraid to have a 'normal' conversation with him! As if it wasn't intense and laden with emotion, then something was wrong.... when all that emotion did was overwhelm the simpler heartfelt parts...the sweetness and the honestly.

All that emotion can feel aggressive even though we think it's not.... :(

Yep! And see I didn't know he was my twin until after he was gone. And I did push him away with my words and strong emotion. It caused him fear and anxiety. So when we are told they run from fear I can understand now! Just work on changing this now. What I had to do is I literally just stopped writing. When I hear from him I respond but I did stop writing.

Originally Posted by snowpeak

My writing has FILLED him with anxiety. He has told me. Scared him. Terrified him. Makes him want to RUN.

Why do we think it helps when if we looked or listened, we would see and know it doesn't? Big mystery to me.

For me, it's as if I think... I HAVE to express this... HAVE to let him know.... and it's not real. not me and inevitably, it gets massaged and tweaked and ends up false in some way, some extreme, some not so....

Maybe these relationships are so sky high intense with emotion that we feel we have to keep matching it in everything we do when the truth is, keeping things 'normal' would serve us so much better. ground it, bring it all down, instead of fueling the intensity.... It got so I was almost afraid to have a 'normal' conversation with him! As if it wasn't intense and laden with emotion, then something was wrong.... when all that emotion did was overwhelm the simpler heartfelt parts...the sweetness and the honestly.

All that emotion can feel aggressive even though we think it's not.... :(

Originally Posted by Norligh

The book I am writing is about our experience. If by the time I am done he has not come back then I will send a copy to where he works and hope it makes its way to him so he knows how I see him, like an angel. My hope is we will come together before that time.

I understand exactly where you are coming from - I realised that I was reaching out by email to try to "woo him" with my words into recommencing communication. These days I don't reach out to him unless there is something within me that is telling me that it is a good time to reach out to him, and I only do so when I am certain that I am doing it with as pure an intention as possible - and with love and no expectation.

Dearest Norligh, I ask this question with love and out of curiosity, and I hope you do not perceive it as a criticism (I love and value your posts here so much and I gain so much from them) - is it possible that you are wanting to send him a copy of your book to try to use words again to influence the amount of contact he has with you and the way in which you communicate? I only ask because I recognise this desire in myself and I often have to stop myself from reaching out to my TF once I realise that my motive in wanting to do so is connected to my ego wanting validation, rather than from a more pure place.

Love to you, and to everyone here xx

If I were to send him a copy of my book it would be with the knowledge that we were entirely completely totally through and over so no, definitely not for validation. My twin is an Atheist and if he knew I felt this way he might be freaked out although he does feel the connection too. If I sent it to him it would be so he knew the depths of how he's helped me but not in any way to get him back. It would be more pure than NOT sending it because if I did not send it I would do so out of fear of being judged.

Words and talks mean NOTHING, unless there are ACTIONS to follow up with all that yak yak yak.

Kinda hard to have actions when I reach out to someone and he ignores me. My action since then is to simply back off and offer space.

Originally Posted by Nada

Words and talks mean NOTHING, unless there are ACTIONS to follow up with all that yak yak yak.

Originally Posted by Norligh

If I were to send him a copy of my book it would be with the knowledge that we were entirely completely totally through and over so no, definitely not for validation. My twin is an Atheist and if he knew I felt this way he might be freaked out although he does feel the connection too. If I sent it to him it would be so he knew the depths of how he's helped me but not in any way to get him back. It would be more pure than NOT sending it because if I did not send it I would do so out of fear of being judged.

Thanks for your response Norligh. I understand better now.

Last week I had sort of epiphany to reach out to mine in joy and friendship. I kept it light and didn't infuse any of it with much digging in about his life. I just sort of rambled on about things I wanted to share with him. I wanted to get us back to a place of easy friendship and fun, instead of laden with too much intensity.

I'm sure it was still manipulative to some extent, although I tried hard to just make it easy and from my heart, and he did write back immediately. I gave it a little time and then replied to his message and I haven't heard back.

I am working on letting it all go again. It's been months since I've been able to do that, but when I did it in the past, I had dreams of us and the next day he'd write a short message to me. Then of course I'd freak out and chase him. I hope that if it is meant to be that we connect again, I will not be so freaked out about it.

I also wonder how we raise our vibrations. Can anyone tell me some ways? I am trying hard to focus on my path right now and not be too concerned about his life path and behaviors and such.

I know some will disagree with my thoughts here, but let's come from a different angle...

If one is a writer and verbose about feelings and has a natural flair for communicating this way, why feel that you need to lessen your words or be someone you're not just to meet up with "his" supposed standards or preference about communication?

It seems to me, if you have to change the fabric of who you are and what makes you, you for someone else, you are not being genuine to yourself. If you do all the changing for your supposed soul mate, yet tolerate all the things in them for the sake of unconditional love, don't you think you will get lost in that somehow? You may regret being someone you are not one day. In my opinion, if someone strays from you or doesn't reach out or communicate with you because of your traits or God-given ways simply because they can't handle it, you are selling yourself short by not being the original person God created you to be.

This just struck a chord in me after reading. Walking on eggshells and changing the fabric of who you are just to pacify your soul mate is not a good idea.

I believe in the future, you (generally speaking), may regret doing so or even feel resentful when/if things don't work out for a relationship. So many say that they are not focusing on a relationship and that they only want to change themselves for the better and grow, but in reading about the despair of not being with their soulmate, I have to say you're not being honest with yourselves.

So many want to love their soulmate for who they are, which is the right way to think, but what about you? Why are you not loving yourself by totally disregarding yourselves in many ways? You are just as important. Sure, other people, especially soulmates highlight where we need to grow, but don't lose yourself or your self respect trying to do so. There seems to be a lot of appeasing going on for the sake of this connection many feel. I think it's totally unwise. I sense a lot of justifying going on as well.

So many want to honor the 'supposed' rules or outlined steps and expected reactions, etc. and in doing so, you are completely disrespecting yourselves and not hearing what your soul is crying out to you in pain...."that you need to respect yourself." Sorry, just laying out the truth which is often hard to see because of blinders and pain. It's not easy, I know, but please don't neglect your own self worth and self-respect in the process.

Someone who loves you will NOT ignore you. To not see this fact is to be blinded to a connection that wants to deceive you. If there are any who think I don't know what I'm talking about; think again. I went through it and came out the other end with different eyes and self-respect in tact. I urge you all the think about the points I brought forth.

Just my .02.

God bless.