How to heal after the relationship ended?

[olhosdeamendoa]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Circular dating for women is meant to protect ourselves from bonding prematurely. Nothing controlling or manipulative about that. (quite some judgement you got going on still = ego).

Circular dating for men = men playing the field, commitment phobes.

Like I said, men want to pursue, 'hunt', it's a primal thing they got going on. And they lose interest when you take that away from them by being available.
How do you think a fisherman would feel if the fish took away his fun in catching them? If they'd all willingly jump on his boat the fisherman would get bored with it, angry even because there's no fun in it anymore.
If a deer would eagerly walk up to the hunter, ready and willing to get shot by him, would the hunter be interested in that deer? Nope. He'd want to get it out of his way and chase after other deer that'd make for an interesting hunt.
This primal instinct in men is so great that he kind of needs to feel that excitement and buzz of having to win a woman over again and again even in a long term relationship.
Men get that buzz and fun out of it not being all that easy, having to do something to catch their prey. They need to feel they are winning, that they won their prize (=woman).
A man will never value a woman who throws herself at his feet as much as a woman for who he had to 'work' to win her over.

Now I think women used to enjoy being chased (some still do). After all, we had a primal instinct to only get caught by the strongest and fittest so we'd get impregnated by him and get healthy offspring. Survival of the fittest is what this is all about, we still are wired to (re)act from these instincts...
But I also think the so called natural reaction to enjoy this hunt/chase has been trashed in women by thousands of years of oppression, abuse, arrange marriages (being married off for the status of family and/or husband to be, which is also abuse, 'sold' like a piece of cattle) and so on.
This has damaged the feminine (as in the collective feminine).

I think circular dating is a nice method to help us protect ourselves and to relearn how to enjoy the chase, the pursuing. To help us tap into our natural tendency to only want the strongest and fittest as opposed to rolling over for the first seemingly good guy that comes along because we've been brainwashed for centuries to do so.
What's wrong with that? Nothing...
Do men need to circular date? No, the underlying reasons for it don't apply to men. I think what men have to learn is to make a commitment from the heart. So the exact opposite of what women have to learn.

I guess you are talking about very masculine men, aka alpha males. The ones that have that drive to pursue and conquer. And yes, they do like feminine women who just allow them to pursue and lead, and women who follow their lead.

But not all men are like that. There are other type of men who have more feminine energy themselves and do not have that strong drive to pursue. And there are more masculine women too, who prefer to lead as well.

To me I do like a very masculine man that likes to pursue and conquer, but not from the ego. One that leads with his heart. That makes me feel feminine and allows me to stay in my feminine energy, where I can just relax and be myself.

The last guy I was involved with he had more feminine energy and many times I've had to step into my masculine energy to get things done, and I felt exhausted and frustrated.

Just to say that we are all different and not all men are hunters who like to pursue and not all women like to be led.

But yes I agree that in order to work, one needs to have more masculine energy and the other more feminine energy. There is a need to have polarity in order for things to work, because it is that polarity that creates attraction (ying and yang).

[John Elessar]

Is "circular dating" something akin to a circular firing squad?

[BlueCat]

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

Hmm well.. Im not the one who keeps talking for the males while being the opposite gender. Nor am i trying to tell them what they "need' to do. Not everyone is the same or has he same issues.

I forgot you dont live in the same hemisphere as me so if you arent aware.. the north american continent is quite.. perversely biased siding with women in some aspects and others with the males.

What you call "my judgment" is a statistical and provable fact with court records here.

When a woman can make up a story about being sexually assaulted without any proof.. the accused life is destroyed. even when proved to be lying in court there is no punishment for the liar woman. The woman has made the accusation only after her consent has magically changed in her mind after a man leaves her for her erratic behaviors.This is a common occurrence here.

When a woman can take her husband to divorce court and leave with half his property and get paid for no reason for numerous years afterwards. Just for being married to her but she has decided to cheat on him. This is a common occurrence here.

Women are not raised by their dads to go out and find a man who only has has a good paying job and what he owns. No that is their own mother who programs her with this. This is a common occurrence here.

Many women here can be psychologically diagnosed as crazy. Men dont like crazy women and crazy decides to show up after a man has "commited" to her. Then if the man ever leaves her years of abuse, threats and unwarranted police calls and court visits ensues afterwards. Even more often if children are involved and even they are not immune to crazy womens abuse tactics. This is a very common occurrence here.

Social media and dating sites are a goldmine for predators of both sexes. Most often they are the Cluster B variety.

Men make up profiles on dating sites with elaborate made up stories who are married and have kids.

Men also find unsuspecting women and have them send them money and gifts unaware they are with a different woman. Men abandon them after they have been found out and deny everything

Men being over unsuspecting women into their own home for sex while their spouse or girlfriend is away.


In my opinion with such problems like this you couldnt pay me do any kind of circular dating when the majority of these kinds of people abuse this system for personal gains. Many men actually do not like to chase after women because for many time and time again it seems to only end up being the crazy women.

Primal instinct is a mostly an old relic of the past. And then there are some like me who have never had it. There are probably some who do have it..but it seems to be the cluster b crazies of both sexes who are the majority now. Im sure some do have it who are not crazy at all too.

So no i do not agree with you that it is only the men who has caused 100% of all womens problems. In fact these days it is the old templated codependent and/or cluster b crazy women who are the majority problem causers... at least around here!

And this is why i disagree about circular dating.. too risky and more harm then good could ever come out of it.

I think you nailed it well, i see SO many times this type of covert emotional abuse from men and women that i'm like...surrounded by it. I can mention also these type of toxic women can get knocked up fast just to bind a man and make it hard to leave because y know...a kid makes separations very difficult! It's for this i'm sure i don't want kids, i saw too much of this. This is could be valid also for toxic men that want to impregnate at every cost their partner even if she doesn't really want.
I don't want to do circular dating too, it's very not convenient and you can risk some serious emotional damage. Instead, better to know a person as a friend first and not going to meet many potential partners.

[ForgedInFire]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

not all guys are cut from the same fabric.

I've had so many women say that to themselves about me... and every time all I get from it is rejection, abandonment, and neglect. You guys make me feel terrible with acting on sayings like that and I don't much appreciate it any more.

Same here.. but yet many "DF" are supposed to be the "first and more awakened" 'holding space" "nurturing' 'ready for union NOW" blah blah blaaaahs but yet i dont see much proof of that.

maybe its because many DF are too busy trying to find twin flame bandaid relationships

But yeh sure.. its just me and my ego being triggered..right? HAHA

[ForgedInFire]

Originally Posted by BlueCat

I think you nailed it well, i see SO many times this type of covert emotional abuse from men and women that i'm like...surrounded by it. I can mention also these type of toxic women can get knocked up fast just to bind a man and make it hard to leave because y know...a kid makes separations very difficult! It's for this i'm sure i don't want kids, i saw too much of this. This is could be valid also for toxic men that want to impregnate at every cost their partner even if she doesn't really want.
I don't want to do circular dating too, it's very not convenient and you can risk some serious emotional damage. Instead, better to know a person as a friend first and not going to meet many potential partners.

Apparently other people dont see it but its happening everywhere you look. But yet i havent had that problem even with that "law of attraction" and "vibrational matching" belief systems. So what going on with that? I should be loaded with these toxic people and here i am with zero.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

Same here.. but yet many "DF" are supposed to be the "first and more awakened" 'holding space" "nurturing' 'ready for union NOW" blah blah blaaaahs but yet i dont see much proof of that.

maybe its because many DF are too busy trying to find twin flame bandaid relationships

But yeh sure.. its just me and my ego being triggered..right? HAHA

they are just busy dealing with that aspect of their curse lol. unhappy and want to spur someone into making them happy... not realizing a relationship with the twin doesn't (and by definition can't) work any way they 'want' it to but still trying to get what they 'want' or what they 'deserve' anyway and usually being mean to anyone who doesn't agree with those efforts while pretending for their own sake they are nice people... stuck with the intoxicating elixir of the meaning of 'signs' to spur them on... sometimes managing to put up a wall and get some respite from the whole thing. Only to eventually have the boundless ocean wear at the rock until the wall falls down and they are stuck with the fact of the curse once again.

by the way the DMs are immune to any machinations the DFs might think up. Part of the curse lol!

[ForgedInFire]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

they are just busy dealing with that aspect of their curse lol. unhappy and want to spur someone into making them happy... not realizing a relationship with the twin doesn't (and by definition can't) work any way they 'want' it to but still trying to get what they 'want' or what they 'deserve' anyway and usually being mean to anyone who doesn't agree with those efforts while pretending for their own sake they are nice people... stuck with the intoxicating elixir of the meaning of 'signs' to spur them on... sometimes managing to put up a wall and get some respite from the whole thing. Only to eventually have the boundless ocean wear at the rock until the wall falls down and they are stuck with the fact of the curse once again.

by the way the DMs are immune to any machinations the DFs might think up. Part of the curse lol!

yea its quite obvious seeing how so many of them behave and then STILL put it all the blame on us DM's "oh we are not manipulative or controlling" but its so plain as day that they still are and cant overcome it. Surprisingly i havent been "told off" after my attention brought to how so many of then are trying to find their silly little twin flame bandaid relationships. its something i noticed right off after joining the forum.. meanwhile they are still obsessed with "signs" and asking "why" and continue to obsessively watch "tf reunion is now" tarot readings and all obsessed about the who what where when why and how Divine Masculine.

So yeh that totally means their focus is all on themselves!

Its all ridiculous how they continue to post without ever really changing or healing. Like we dont know what they are up to. They are very vocal about it everywhere. for some its been years and they are still doing the same old things yeh my ego when the DF are called out for their beee ess schemes. Blame me im the cause of ALL your problems.

[lunapixie]

Circular dating? To me that’s another term for manipulation. I’m sorry, call me old fashioned but that doesn’t sound right. This year is too much! Where are we going to end up if we keep trying to control every aspect of our lives to fit into these imaginary boxes of perfection we have created for ourselves? What happened to spontaneity? What about just relaxing and letting life take its natural course? I subscribe to a more... organic approach to loving, if you will.

I have worked with the general public for the last ten years and that has given me ample opportunity to observe people’s submissiveness to whatever the latest fad is. There’s no individuality anymore. People just blindly follow whatever others are doing without ever questioning if that’s a good idea or not.

I’m not judging, just stating my opinion based on observation. But so much of what people consider acceptable reeks of self-destruction to me. Why would a person want to date several others at the same time while completely diluting their energy in an unfocused way? I’m sorry but I don’t get that...

I tend to apply a more eastern approach to my everyday life. Quality over quantity. And if quality doesn’t show up, oh well. I’m great on my own. No need to be out there like a huntress. That, friends, is the number one lesson I learned from having survived my twin flame journey. I do not need to chase anything or anyone. I do not need to look for anything or anyone. That’s desperation. And for those who believe and subscribe to the Law of Attraction, I just want to add that desperation only attracts more desperation.

Just my personal views, no offense intended. To each their own.

[lunapixie]

Originally Posted by BlueCat

I think you nailed it well, i see SO many times this type of covert emotional abuse from men and women that i'm like...surrounded by it. I can mention also these type of toxic women can get knocked up fast just to bind a man and make it hard to leave because y know...a kid makes separations very difficult! It's for this i'm sure i don't want kids, i saw too much of this. This is could be valid also for toxic men that want to impregnate at every cost their partner even if she doesn't really want.
I don't want to do circular dating too, it's very not convenient and you can risk some serious emotional damage. Instead, better to know a person as a friend first and not going to meet many potential partners.

My ex’s girlfriend is the mother of four young children by three different fathers. I have no judgement there except that the reason my ex kept breaking up with her was (according to him) that she kept trying to get pregnant to trap him. When he refused, she broke up with him only to go straight to city hall and marry some other poor schmuck. Right after the wedding she continued to try to get back with my ex. Last I heard (last year around November) she had left the new husband and was back with my ex again

It’s extremely difficult to ignore all the patterns on full display there.