Confused - No spiritual connection / Star People/ Earth Angel -Please Help

[Akera]

I'm 20 years old. My whole life I've had social phobia, depression, anxiety, insomnia

I've always felt different. I look at people like they're foreign and odd. It's hard for me to even believe I'm one of them. Humans are so full of hatred and negativity. Human bodies to me are not attractive. They're so imperfect. I break down every night due to being depressed. I dislike it here. This world is not right. Life is not enjoyable. Humans disgust me pretty much.

I'm extremely sensetive. Ill cry over reading about deaths of people or animals.
I'm nice to everyone and try to help out. I'm compassionate and try to understand everyone's way of thinking.

I'm on the outside looking in. I prefer to watch, in fact I sort of enjoy watching. I don't like to get involved. I feel zoned out, or not in tune with reality.

I feel like someone is always watching me.

I don't talk. Like at all. English is in a way foreign to me even though I was born in the US 100% american.

I get extreme Deja Vu. Like I KNOW I've had this happen before. Or i remember reading something at this exact moment. When brand new episodes of shows come on sometimes, I've seen them before. I know I have, i can recall what happens. I feel like I've watched them a long time ago.

I believe in True Love. Forever love. Soul Mates. Not the human love. I don't want to get involved with anyone. I feel like I have someone waiting , or maybe its me wishing i have a 'True Love' elsewhere who understands me.

I find myself saying ' I want to go Home' all the time. Yet I live with my parents at 'home'. But its not home. But i don't know where real home is.

Recently I looked up 'I want to go Home' and found out about Star People and Earth Angels. I cried. It resonated with me. I'm not sure if it's because I'm one, or because I'm not alone in my thinking.

I don't know if souls exist. I dont even know if this earth exists or other people. I hope souls exist. I hope its true, so when i die I'm free and don't have to be here anymore. I don't want to be reincarnated.

I love to read about Alien/UFO sightings, and planets. I want proof of something else.

I've tried to tap into Past Lives, or to get some sort of sign about who I am and why I'm here.
However.. Nothing. I've tried clearing my mind, listening to Celtic music.

They say you need to imagine doors and walking through them. However I have Aphantasia. When I close my eyes its just pitch black. I can't imagine or 'see' anything. I talk think, not see think. Its extremely depressing. I cannot picture faces, objects or anything. I dream, but there are no details. I know there is color, but even hair and facial structures i cannot make out.

I don't know what to do. I hope I'm not just some Human who will just die or get reincarnated. I want there to be more. However I can't see angels/demons/spirits/auras. I have no proof or evidence that I'm more than just a plain human.