Dilemma in my healing process

[Tail11]

I began my spiritual renewal in January. I have been dealing with depression without drugs for many years and I constantly ask myself "what am I doing here?" I just drudge through life and I don't know how to feel happy or experience joy - I haven't for years.

I started reading books and going to the local metaphysical store and have attended some classes there. I met a spiritual healer/medium that told me that I was a shaman in a previous life. I was so intrigued by this, I ended up having her do a reading for me. She suggested that I have a soul retrieval done by the store shaman. I agreed with her and after researching it, I think her observation is spot on.

When my reading was done, I went out to the store owner (who is married to the shaman). She immediately disagreed with my reading and went off into some tangent about my sacral area being out of whack. She is 8 months pregnant with her first child, so I realize pregnant women are all about their bellies. While I may have some issues with my chakras, I don't feel it is the stem of my issues.

Her husband (the shaman) was there and he doesn't speak that much. She does most of the talking. She was telling him what she though I needed and he looked at me and said something that I couldn't hear and then said I'd probably need two sessions, and also disagreed with the soul retrieval. The shop owner then explained that her husband just took courses in soul retrieval and his first 12 retrievals have to be free.

I then got the feeling that I was being treated more as a customer than someone that needs healing. I don't mind paying for legitimate treatment, but I was alarmed at their behavior. I did prepay for the one session. I just called and cancelled because I don't feel good about receiving a session from someone that doesn't talk much and lets his wife do all the talking. He may be a great shaman, but if he's new to soul retrieval, he might not be able to completely help me. I don't have a lot of money to go from one shaman to the next.

I know I need healing and I am struggling with myself to know whether or not it is my ego that is calling the shots or if it really is my intuition that is raising the red flag. I am confused about the conflict of interests for my healing.

Could the shop owner be right and my reading be wrong? I am very conflicted at the moment and don't know which way to turn at this point. I'm just about ready to throw in the towel and go back to my miserable life because at least I know how to exist in it.

[vespa68]

Is the Shaman's wife a healer? She was not too far in saying what she did because the sacral chakra does have to do with joy. If you did not have a good feel from her husband then just go with it. I hate when they dont talk much. Maybe you need to work on your sacral chakra and you need a soul retreival too. One can complement the other. By the way you can do a soul retreival yourself. I have a great book that explains how. It does say that ongoing depression is a sign that you had soul fragmentation.
If you are interested in the book send me a PM and I will give you the details.

[Belle]

My advice is to sit with what you have been told, and just let it settle. When the emotion of the confusion has left, see what resonates. And work with that. That which does not resonate, leave to the side for another time.

The question "what am I doing here", is very sacral chakra related, the lower chakras are very much associated with identity and purpose, as well as security in this world (grounding) and creativity.

Follow your instinct about not going to the next session, I think you have made the right call and be confident in your decision. That may indeed be the healing.

Have you ever thought about doing inner child worK?

[Thunder Bow]

I think you were dealing with a "Plastic Shaman" and those kind of people are only out to make money. Go with your impression that they are using you as just as another customer. Please stay away from them. You already saw the results.

Conventional Therapy is the best way into understanding common Depression. It would be best to spend your money on a Therapist.

As far as Shamans go, be very Careful, there are many fakers out there. A good Therapist can be a good "Shaman" for you in the Modern World.

[Tail11]

Originally Posted by Belle

My advice is to sit with what you have been told, and just let it settle. When the emotion of the confusion has left, see what resonates. And work with that. That which does not resonate, leave to the side for another time.

The question "what am I doing here", is very sacral chakra related, the lower chakras are very much associated with identity and purpose, as well as security in this world (grounding) and creativity.

Follow your instinct about not going to the next session, I think you have made the right call and be confident in your decision. That may indeed be the healing.

Have you ever thought about doing inner child worK?

I am fearful of the store now, but she could have been right for all I know. I did like the lady that did my initial reading. Hopefully I can see her somewhere else. I didn't let this burn me up like everything else usually does. I think my decision was right to cancel the appointment because I haven't second guessed myself once. But, could it be my ego telling me that???

I have ordered some more books and a few DVDs on Reiki and I hope to help myself. I will try to center around my sacral. As far as inner child, I haven't really thought about it. Something more to research!

I felt pretty overwhelmed by this experience because I filled up my calendar this month with all sorts of things to do metaphysically wise. I am usually a homebody/introvert and I think I overloaded myself with too many appointments.

This is all so new to me. I don't want to get discouraged and quit. Thank you Belle for your insight!

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

I think you were dealing with a "Plastic Shaman" and those kind of people are only out to make money. Go with your impression that they are using you as just as another customer. Please stay away from them. You already saw the results.

Conventional Therapy is the best way into understanding common Depression. It would be best to spend your money on a Therapist.

As far as Shamans go, be very Careful, there are many fakers out there. A good Therapist can be a good "Shaman" for you in the Modern World.

Conventional therapy is something that I'd rather not do and I don't have the money needed for ongoing therapy. Thank you for your advice on the Shaman. I think the shaman in the store is pushed more by his wife than himself. At least that is the way I perceived it. He may be legitimate in his own right, I guess I couldn't handle the conflicting messages in my mind, or at least think they were conflicting. She was way too pushy for me to deal with the information she gave me and it turned me off.