Ego Death

[Ahriman]

I had a spiritual awakening when I was 19 years old, and since then I've been going through a hellish mystical experience. I experienced a Satori today. A Satori is a sudden flash of enlightenment, a glimpse into one's true nature. It was a momentary state of absolute fear, apparently not the only way to experience a Satori. Some people experience an uplifting moment, I just felt horrified. I'm not sure where to go from here. Maybe I will be reincarnated into the Shinigami Realm from Death Note. I wouldn't be surprised. Wherever I'm going, there's nothing I can do about it.

[awareness]

Welcome to the forum, Ahriman.

It wasn't a Satori, mate. Satori has nothing to do with fear, and fear cannot reveal one's True Nature. That idea is absurd.

You simply experienced your innate fear without a filter to sugar-coat it; however, it was not "absolute," as there is no such thing as absolute fear. That is impossible, simply because one's consciousness can never be "totally" or "absolutely" immersed in fear, or totally focused fearfully. This is not possible, simply because consciousness itself is actually loving at its core.

Your human aspect may experience fear, but the human part of you is not the the total "you." Your human identity/self is but a part of the soul that you are, which itself is part of Universal Consciousness/Existence. The core "you" is joyous, not fearful. The very fact that you allowed yourself to experience fear so deeply is itself an act of grace, because you didn't "hide" the fear from your conscious, waking-state awareness.

Where to go from there has to do with taking the experience for what it is. . .an experience. Labelling it as a "Satori" will not help you much.

All human experiences are equally valid experiences, none really "greater" nor "lesser" than another. It is often lower ego that plays the dualistic game of making one experience "greater" than another.

You said:

Wherever I'm going, there's nothing I can do about it.

Says who? Is it the Real You, the Empowered You that is saying this, or it is something else, perhaps your fear that is telling you this? The idea that individual/separate free choice is an illusion is ultimately true from a Oneness standpoint, where there is no "between" and no actual separate beings in existence, yet this doesn't mean that "you" as "Ahriman" (or whatever name you may choose to go by) cannot enjoy an experience of appearing to have free choice.

Free choice is forever part of the karma game that may be experienced by consciousness. It is no less real than anything else you may experience in your human existence.

You can indeed--and you do--influence and affect "where" you are going vibrationally, in terms of your choices and beliefs. Hoping or fantasizing about being reincarnated someplace special will not help you much. (If you deeply believe that you will experience a "Shinigami Realm," then your mind will make this a reality for you to be experienced at some point.) Your life is always in the Here and Now, no matter "where" you may appear to "go." There is really no place to go other than Here and Now (but this, to some degree, is like metaphysical mumbo jumbo).

What really matters in a practical sense is that you can make a decision to practice being more at ease with "what was" and "what is," and this in turn brings you into alignment with wonderful things "to come," in a matter of speaking. You had an experience that really interested you. What to do next is to not make such a big deal about it. Whether it was apparently a Satori or not is not of real importance to anyone else but you.

Your True Nature has nothing whatsoever to do with fear, yet fear can indeed be a powerful catalyst that will ultimately assist you in choosing, "What I really want is to experience more of my True, Loving Self."

If you really believe you had a Satori, then why are you not happy about it (or pleased that you had what you may see as a frightful Satori, or a glimpse into your True Nature)?

Real Satori will not lead one to feel confused, but rather quite the opposite, which is to feel empowered, joyous and in love with oneself and all of life, to some degree. Not feeling anything like, "I can do nothing about where I will go." Real Satori enhances a human's sense of personal empowerment, or else it was not a very powerful "glimpse."

My friend, you are just fine as you are and where you are in terms of your experience, and you may take a deep sigh of relief over this, for you are right now in the perfect place to move to the next phase of your journey. In fact, you have already been moving into what may be called "the next phase," if you like, and this is indeed a joyous celebration as far as your soul ("Higher Self") is concerned.

The true Zen Experience is all about abiding your attention in love; in a very practical sense this means learning to not resist one's current experience, but to seek the highest and best of it. It is not a stoic or disillusioned or confused or worrisome state at all. Even most so-called students of Zen do not get this, that it is really a state of well-being; at the least, it is a sincere openness to discovering inner peace. In a very true and real sense, all souls are students of Zen (beyond the labellizations of what a Zen Path may be).

Discovering what really brings you joy, and following that, will bring you to what your heart most desires. Remember, there is nothing wrong with the fact that we have desire, and desire for a fuller experience of life is what propels the spiritual search.

Namaste

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Ahriman

I had a spiritual awakening when I was 19 years old, and since then I've been going through a hellish mystical experience. I experienced a Satori today. A Satori is a sudden flash of enlightenment, a glimpse into one's true nature. It was a momentary state of absolute fear, apparently not the only way to experience a Satori. Some people experience an uplifting moment, I just felt horrified. I'm not sure where to go from here. Maybe I will be reincarnated into the Shinigami Realm from Death Note. I wouldn't be surprised. Wherever I'm going, there's nothing I can do about it.

Whatever you do, just don't eat the apples there.

I have had a few glimpses into the Śūnyatā myself, enough for me to say; 'nope, I don't wanna go there' but this was based on my fear and it wasn't the cause of it.

Ego death simply means the surrender or acknowledgment of something which exists beyond your own concept of who you think you are.

It's usually a 'heart thing' and some people have it easy because they already believe in a 'Divine consciousness' or a 'Deity' while others say it is a 'Higher Self' or 'Power' or 'Universe'. I call it 'Shiva', but that's just me.

Anyway, to approach this 'Power of One's own Understanding" with total humility, total love, total trust that 'it knows best' and it may lead you to the 'Power and peace that passeth all understanding' and this is Satori. It may be a bit scary at first, but you're still holding on to the last bit of your ego, fighting to keep it because that's who you are and your sense of self-concept is always the last thing to go.

You are afraid of letting go totally and losing control...maybe becoming mad...or dying an actual death...thus, this fear makes Śūnyatā appear as a foreboding, endless vacuum of a void. All it is, is a space without any conception of it - even it being a 'void' or 'empty' or 'nothingness' is still a conception.

I guess I had it easy because I fully trusted in Shiva. It took a while to totally trust Him, even though the love I felt was unconditional...but trust wasn't there and I felt fear because there was no trust and I was still controlling the situation.

Anyway, my thoughts have all run out now. All the best.

[Golden Eagle]

Originally Posted by Ahriman

I had a spiritual awakening when I was 19 years old, and since then I've been going through a hellish mystical experience. I experienced a Satori today. A Satori is a sudden flash of enlightenment, a glimpse into one's true nature. It was a momentary state of absolute fear, apparently not the only way to experience a Satori. Some people experience an uplifting moment, I just felt horrified. I'm not sure where to go from here. Maybe I will be reincarnated into the Shinigami Realm from Death Note. I wouldn't be surprised. Wherever I'm going, there's nothing I can do about it.

Ego experienced fear .... it isn't real.

A Pre-Enlightenment experience ~ NOT Enlightenment!

[FallingLeaves]

Sometimes, bulling ones way through things just to get where other people say it is good to go isn't the best path to take. I notice a lot of people will tell you what to do and where to go and how to get there. But very few will actually put their money where there mouth is and help you DO it, and many others will deliberately hinder you on your path.

I actually got an awful lot out of jsut saying 'no' when told who to be, and choosing for myself. And after that being able to honestly look at being afraid for what it was, not what I was told it was, was a real eye-opener.

but do as you will...

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Ahriman

I had a spiritual awakening when I was 19 years old, and since then I've been going through a hellish mystical experience. I experienced a Satori today. A Satori is a sudden flash of enlightenment, a glimpse into one's true nature. It was a momentary state of absolute fear, apparently not the only way to experience a Satori. Some people experience an uplifting moment, I just felt horrified. I'm not sure where to go from here. Maybe I will be reincarnated into the Shinigami Realm from Death Note. I wouldn't be surprised. Wherever I'm going, there's nothing I can do about it.

Describe your experience more please.

What do you mean by experiences satori today?
What were you doing?
What were you thinking, before, during, after?



Also I've never felt fear when I connect with my higher self. I've identified as the blackest and most supreme evils in the universe and even then I wasn't afraid.

it's you, you can never be afraid of what you are. Only the false you, the ego, can have fear of the true self. it's when looking at the true self that the ego realize it's smallness and mortality. Perhaps you saw some fraction of your true self through the window of ego.

I don't think it's a true satori, it's probably some kind of half experience. A hybrid between the real thing and a delusion, not totally real, not totally delusion.

If it was a true satori you'd find yourself with a lot in common to the most hardcore of drug addicts. You'd find yourself drawn to something and willing to do anything in life to experience it again. It would be undeniable and irresistible.

--

If it makes you feel better, you'll probably be reborn into the human universe again.

From what I hear once you reach the human universe it's basically impossible to go somewhere else. We are more or less trapped in reincarnation here until we figure out how to evolve once again and live side by side with God.

Very few people can fall down in consciousness. Right before walking with God there is a period where one is endowed with untold power. A kind of "fail-safe last test". people who grossly abuse the powers of this state are the ones who fall back to a lower level of consciousness, for example the level of consciousness of animals, perhaps plants, perhaps rocks and inanimate objects. (by the way, imagine how horrible it must be to be a rock. Just the same scene for millions of years. Eughhhhhhhh. The worst kind of consciousness I've ever experienced.Only the true God could find bliss in the consciousness experienced by inanimate objects. For everyone else it's just agony. it did give me appreciation for the consciousness I experience daily though) Human consciousness is kinda like the carnival of consciousness. It's the bee's knees. awesome. heaven on earth.

[slowsnake]

Originally Posted by Ahriman

I had a spiritual awakening when I was 19 years old, and since then I've been going through a hellish mystical experience. I experienced a Satori today. A Satori is a sudden flash of enlightenment, a glimpse into one's true nature. It was a momentary state of absolute fear, apparently not the only way to experience a Satori. Some people experience an uplifting moment, I just felt horrified. I'm not sure where to go from here. Maybe I will be reincarnated into the Shinigami Realm from Death Note. I wouldn't be surprised. Wherever I'm going, there's nothing I can do about it.

Hello,
You sound pretty normal to me,the whole point of enlightenment is to take your time and let things happen naturally.
A lot of folk here have had similar experiences, you say sartori,others nirvana or samadhi,same bone different dog really!
There is only one God/Source and all paths lead home,but some folk like to "speed up" the process,meditation,yoga, prayer,and some fools advocate the use of drugs,LSD, or DMT,or Hashish,and real fools play with horse tranquillisers like Ketamin,all as a short cut to the Godhead,or to see the Brahmic Splendour!

It can't be rushed,slowly,slowly catchy monkey is an old saying but pertinent to your post,just relax,meditate,and leave the drugs behind,that's just false enlightenment,though some members here may disagree,no names,no pack drill,lol.

Kind Regards Billy

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by slowsnake

Hello,
You sound pretty normal to me,the whole point of enlightenment is to take your time and let things happen naturally.
A lot of folk here have had similar experiences, you say sartori,others nirvana or samadhi,same bone different dog really!
There is only one God/Source and all paths lead home,but some folk like to "speed up" the process,meditation,yoga, prayer,and some fools advocate the use of drugs,LSD, or DMT,or Hashish,and real fools play with horse tranquillisers like Ketamin,all as a short cut to the Godhead,or to see the Brahmic Splendour!

It can't be rushed,slowly,slowly catchy monkey is an old saying but pertinent to your post,just relax,meditate,and leave the drugs behind,that's just false enlightenment,though some members here may disagree,no names,no pack drill,lol.

Kind Regards Billy

Beautifully said! I wish this forum had a 'like' button.

Originally Posted by Ahriman

I've been going through a hellish mystical experience.

Just out of curiosity I listened to some of the music, it's all about the vibes after all. Now I understand where the 'hellish mystical' came from, which is a contradiction in terms and in frequency terms it doesn't get much more opposite. 'Hellish' is of the mind, 'mystical' is far beyond the mind and in/with Spirit.

Satori or Shinigami Realm brainstorm?