My journey into Christianity and how it changed me

[Lightspirit]

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

[Elfay]

It's not about having faith, I've always had faith, it's everything else that came along with having it. I have very strong faith, I've never lost faith regardless of what I went through in my life. I just cannot be a part of a religion such as Christianity any longer. Too many dos and donts that go against what is right and wrong in my life. I cannot live the life they tell me I need to be good so I will enter into to heaven.

It's not just that I don't believe what I'm told it feels wrong. I cannot worship a fear based God. The bible talks about love, loving The Lord with all your heart but I'm also suppose to fear Him... How can I love & fear Him at the same time? I understand the concept of it, you must fear to obey. I cannot do that. I can only love the God I believe in, I do not fear him. Fear totally god against what I believe.

It no longer matters what others think, it's what I believe regardless. I don't expect or need for anyone else to understand or embrace this. This my journey, my experience. It doesn't matter if you think I will go to hell for believing what I do, or lack of believing.

I just do not believe God that hates me, if He created me why would He hate me? Because I strayed? Became disobedient? As a true Christian are you not taught to love unconditionally? To accept all even if they do not believe what you do? A true Christian would accept me and what I believe and understand why I've chosen to leave organized religion.

We all must be given that right to believe as we chose. And to understand and be accepting of other ways and religions. A true Christian would embrace other religions, know that Christianity is not the only way of life.

These are my thoughts, feelings, the way I've chosen to live . I do not feel it's any better than what anyone else believes, it's what I believe. What I feel within me.

[PeteC-UK]

Hi Folks..

Its no suprise at all to me,to see yet another person posting about how disappointed and disillusioned they became with this particular "religion" - or any religion for that matter..Clearly,they seem to cause as many problems for believers as for those with n faith at all..when it comes down to it,the christian faith is almost unworkable - taught as it is by those wh have no real understanding themselves..

Anyway,this little snippet from Lightspirit,may help clarify..Weve probably all head that platitude at some time,but failed to realise its evident meaning..See how poeple delude themself when they turn to religion,,and see also the truth of the situation..

"This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints,," and also -

"The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

So,lets have this righ then..WHEN THE LORD CARRIED HIM,there was SUFFERING,ANGUISH,SORROW,DEFEAT..!!

Surely he is talking about a RELIGIOUS IDEA,and not a true Divine encounter,becasue see,for those of us who ACTUALLY encounter Divinity,the experience is opposite to that..There are those negative things FIRST,before the encounter,but they are gone afterwards..Just one experience and there will never be anguish or a "torubled Soul" again..Indeed,check out the many near death experiences - see how many start off as religous,then encounter true Divinity and immediately lose their original faith,have it replaced by something far more substantial and authentic..Time and again it happens..

Why..?..Because religion is NOT true spirituality..Religion is a MAN MADE ASSOCIATION,NOT a Divne invitation..Religion wil NOT reveal those ultimate truths that we search for - cannot ever reveal such truths because simply,religion is MANS IDEA,not the Fathers..Only DIRECT communion can reveal such truths -and if we go direct to this source,then obviusly we dont even need a religion,priest or middle man of any description..Divinity is within you already,religion will mostly with hold it from you,keep you from that Self realisation..

[Lightspirit]

Originally Posted by Elfay

It's not about having faith, I've always had faith, it's everything else that came along with having it. I have very strong faith, I've never lost faith regardless of what I went through in my life. I just cannot be a part of a religion such as Christianity any longer. Too many dos and donts that go against what is right and wrong in my life. I cannot live the life they tell me I need to be good so I will enter into to heaven.

It's not just that I don't believe what I'm told it feels wrong. I cannot worship a fear based God. The bible talks about love, loving The Lord with all your heart but I'm also suppose to fear Him... How can I love & fear Him at the same time? I understand the concept of it, you must fear to obey. I cannot do that. I can only love the God I believe in, I do not fear him. Fear totally god against what I believe.

It no longer matters what others think, it's what I believe regardless. I don't expect or need for anyone else to understand or embrace this. This my journey, my experience. It doesn't matter if you think I will go to hell for believing what I do, or lack of believing.

I just do not believe God that hates me, if He created me why would He hate me? Because I strayed? Became disobedient? As a true Christian are you not taught to love unconditionally? To accept all even if they do not believe what you do? A true Christian would accept me and what I believe and understand why I've chosen to leave organized religion.

We all must be given that right to believe as we chose. And to understand and be accepting of other ways and religions. A true Christian would embrace other religions, know that Christianity is not the only way of life.

These are my thoughts, feelings, the way I've chosen to live . I do not feel it's any better than what anyone else believes, it's what I believe. What I feel within me.

To tell you the truth about my experience with Christianity over the last 35 years it has had times of doubt, non adherence to christian practices etc. no matter what happened and however I feel distant or unworthy the decision to be a Christian follower somehow stays with me.

I have found for the most part church services to be less than exciting or what I needed to hear at the time. If that's all Christianity and faith in god was was I would have given up years ago.

During those times I had exciting supernatural type Holy Spirit experiences that left me sensing God really is there. I don't care about anyone's opinion of those things but if it wasn't for those God would remain a concept not a real experience. Once you experience it you know and desire it because if the pleasure it can give you. Lucky I found those visiting a couple of Pentecostal type churches that opened my eyes to deeper concepts of a living spirit god that's not all about fear damnation and judgement for believers but more about wanting spiritual personal relationship with people without the need for fear.

The trick is you dodge the congregations with boring stuff and find something interesting that opens your eyes or read your bible by yourself in prayer and ask to experience it alone so you can test its real and not hype.

I hope that helps it made me wonder what you have experienced of the Holy Spirit in you as a feeling of peace love and joy? Has it ever reached the sensation of being elated like it can?

[quote=Seawolf]God is what you believe he is about. It doesn't matter what other people believe. They aren't in control of you, and therefore they are not to blame.

If God is what you believe he is about then, of course, you can believe he is about negative things......i.e. fear, guilt, shame, punishment, etc. It is beliefs such as these that give birth to atheists or induce individuals to align themselves with religions that emphasize these negative characteristics.

[Elfay]

I typed out a long post and it all disappeared and I don't remember half of what I wrote but I take it that it wasn't meant for me to share...

[Elfay]

This quote I found the other day explains some of what is going on with me, the rapid and the gradual changes that are going in with me:

"Many of the changes you are guided to make are because you are now extremely sensitive to energies, and you need to be around higher vibrational people, places and situations." - Doreen Virtue

It's not expected for anyone to understand or accept any it all of what I'm going through, I don't need for any one to accept or to understand. I started this thread to help my self to make sense of my thoughts, feelings and such. Writing them out helps me to clarify things, and to listen to others thoughts and opinions.

Some things have no reason to make sense, yet they do.

Another reason I don't spend a lot of time on this forum, even though I have gotten a lot of good advice and there is a lot of good and positive energy here but there is a lot of negative as well and it can be too much for me to take so I avoid coming here or if I do it's to post or read my threads. Even with shielding I can affect me.

[Morpheus]

Originally Posted by Elfay

And how it also opened my eyes to many things...

I grew up with no religion, my dad was Jewish and my
Mother had been raised Catholic. I was neither Jewish nor Catholic having never been baptized I wasn't a Christian either, nor a Jew. Though we celebrated all the Christian holidays and some traditional Jewish ones as well.

I didn't start believing in God until I was about 13. I knew there was a God even though I had never been raised to believe in Him, yet I did.

I struggled for years with it, still never baptized and never accepted in the Jewish faith because my mother wasn't s Jew. That itself confused me but instead I turned to Catholism in my early 20's but I still never converted.

To make a long story shorter I was "Saved" & finally Baptized not long ago. I was "Born again" as a Baptist, at the time it felt right. Very right but since becoming baptized a year later it stopped feeling right. I still have faith and believe in God just not the one I'm being told to praise.

I went from no religion to believing in God, exploring Catholism to becoming a Southern Baptist and now I am back to being spiritual. Christianity turns me off in so many ways, especially Baptists.

I didn't realize this until I was sitting with some friends at a Friday night service and I was so offended by much of what was being preached I found myself tuning it out to escape from it.

I am not putting Christianity down it's just not me. I do believe very strongly in God, Angels and such just not on the way it's preached. I don't believe I'm going to hell because of the life I've chosen to live, the life style I've chosen to live. I don't believe God is condemning me for what I'm doing. Or have done in my past. I totally believe in free will, if God has given us this free will isn't it our choice to live the life we decide is fit for us? I don't feel I need to justify my life to anyone. And I don't.

When asked what I now I say, "I'm spiritual" though I'm not all together sure what that all entails but it lets you know that not religious but I do believe in a God. And I'm totally fine with it.

I may still go to church with friends once in a while bit I can't be a part of a church and their concepts, believes. I don't have that Christian feeling, I felt it when I was saved in 2012 but it didn't last, what I felt. The feeling of God and being spiritual has always been there.

I'm open to other religions but I doubt I'll ever convert again. I may explore my Jewish "roots" from my dad's side but I doubt I'll become Jewish. But who knows, though right now I'm happy with my own believes.

Hi Elfay. How many denominations are there within the Christian Church? Not to mention the non denominational, and Full Gospel churches? You may find some afinity in one of those, should you attend.

Also? There is this...

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?p=948882#post948882

[Lightspirit]

Originally Posted by Elfay

Another reason I don't spend a lot of time on this forum, even though I have gotten a lot of good advice and there is a lot of good and positive energy here but there is a lot of negative as well and it can be too much for me to take so I avoid coming here or if I do it's to post or read my threads. Even with shielding I can affect me.

I feel the same way. I get annoyed at this place and stay away for extended periods because I don't Luke the attitudes of those that instead of trying to build others up in thier beliefs and try to build them into something better they constantly vent about what didn't work for them and how bad it is and try to convince everyone else the same. I only listen to people who earn my respect by showing how they are open minded and wise and tolerant of others beliefs I shield my mind that way by only noticing the good.

The best way to answer in any thread is with the intention of uplifting the people involved into a better place somehow without offloading my baggage so they end up as messed up as me. When that happens the forum is really constructive.

[Elfay]

Despite my frailties as a human, I often don't see what's in front of me and often I feel so alone, terrified in fear wondering why God has left me when I needed Him the most? Why has He deserted me now when my life was falling apart? In my most darkest hours I never felt so alone and within my loneliness I managed to overcome it and to later realize that He never left me, even during those blackest moments His love for me was complete...

I never understood why during my darkest hours I couldn't feel Him, why when I needed Him the most I suddenly felt lost and totally empty... Not just once or twice but every time... The I discovered it wasn't just myself that experienced this loss, this emptiness, others whom had strong faith also experienced this as well...

In a recent sermon the pastor preached about this loneliness, this feeling as if God has deserted you... It opened my eyes and I became aware that within my fears I was never alone, yes it's scary but knowing this has helped me...

Yes I still am questioning Christianity, not all Christians preach at you, I understand this I just cannot be a part of what most demand you to be... I have to live the life I feel is right for ME. Not what I'm told to do.

Right now I'm reading, Saved By Angels by Bruce Van Natta I just started it and it's wonderful!! I'm trying to see past the too Christian part of it and so far I have..