Other's saying negative things

[Sarian]

So what if others constantly berate you, call you names, put you down, wish ill will of you...doesn't that effect your life? (Sorry, can't edit the title...others not other's ...)

Are you talking about forums? Or in life?
Deepsea

[Miss Hepburn]

Whoa, who are you hanging out with, girlfriend?
Get thee behind me satan!!! Ha!

I was with a gallery owner that said "Nothing ever sells."
I said, "And they never will with that attitude!"


I thought this was the kind of negativity you meant!!!

This is directed at you. Stand on your own 2 feet and speak up and let them know - No way will you tolerate this **.
And walk away ----if they want to be around you they will stop ----Boundaries, girlfriend....put them up!

Boundaries!!!

[Sarian]

Originally Posted by deepsea

Are you talking about forums? Or in life?
Deepsea

soon to be ex spouse....now I notice someone else who seems to like to mock me or says more negative things to me when used to be positive. My mom tends to put me down a lot, or used to. She's dying now, so I just feel a lot of grief about that. I want her healthy. I was thinking about it lately that I had a lot of people who really used to spew hateful things at me (family) during my life. So if we are to be using positibe affirmations, then what happens when others are doing the opposite?

[Sarian]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Whoa, who are you hanging out with, girlfriend?
Get thee behind me satan!!! Ha!

I was with a gallery owner that said "Nothing ever sells."
I said, "And they never will with that attitude!"


I thought this was the kind of negativity you meant!!!

This is directed at you. Stand on your own 2 feet and speak up and let them know - No way will you tolerate this **.
And walk away ----if they want to be around you they will stop ----Boundaries, girlfriend....put them up!

Boundaries!!!

Thanks MH. But still what ...how to you combat these things?

[LadyVirgoxoxo]

However they are insulting you, say or think positive thoughts about yourself back. Other people saying bad things about you won't effect you, unless you let it. Say: "I am beautiful", "I am worthy", "I am a good person" to yourself. KEep giving yourself compliments.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Sarian

Thanks MH. But still what ...how to you combat these things?

Good question, honey, I like that, you're being clear and want specific instructions! Yay! You really know what you want !

First, You have to know who you are.
You are not defined by these people.

You are a good and loving person.
No matter what these bozos are projecting onto you ----and they
must be bozos to say negative things to you, right?


They are incorrect and "they" need help.
Know firmly who and what you are... a child of the Creator and are loved...I could say
many more things, but I do not know your belief system, Eastern, Jewish, Christian --- I can
pump you up according to what you believe.

'They need help'.

So right,Miss Hepburn.

Someone said the same thing to me tonight.

[Sarian]

Thanks Deepsea and Miss Hepburn. I've found myself more and more thinking I'm not the one with the problem, but yet my head swims when I keep having it placed in my lap. I toss it off, but wonder am I so horrible if it keeps coming back, but againand again, I truly believe I am not as they say...

I don't ascribed to any religion, Miss Hepburn, I cast religion off years ago.

And thank you LadyVirgo! I will say those things. :-)

I used to get this a LOT, Sarian... actually, I still do and from the same source - my mother.

I've never been sure why, but my mother in particular has an absolute need to make it seem that I am stupid/mad/evil/failed/unable/useless... the list could go on ad infinitum.

In her case, I think it stems from a very hard upbringing she had that has made her very hard (to the point of outright cruel) and incredibly dominant. SHE and no one but SHE rules the world in which she lives.

If she thinks that someone (not outside the family, but inside the family) intends to break free or "rise above her" in any/some way, she'll take the wind out of their sails big time and at any cost.

She also strives very hard to get others to see me (and others, when they "cross her", such as my father) in the same light she sees me, and those who trust or believe her tend to stand off me, in case it's true and I really am The Anti Christ (one of the better names she has labelled me. Ah, sometimes, if only... ).

Yet, for anyone outside her family, she will come home bragging about their successes and achievements... especially if it is something she knows one of us have been working for. Go figure.

I think, no matter the noise they make and the dominant, aggressive stances they take, it's to do with their own weaknesses.

Some people make themselves feel better by picking a target they know will not truly retaliate against them (especially over a long term) and trying to keep that target lower than they themselves feel.

Maybe it stems from jealousy; maybe fear of being left behind; maybe because they think they will be found out as not being as good as a child/spouse.

But it is their weakness or problem. Not yours.

Even so, when you are on the end of it, it always feels like your problem and I can't really say much on coping with it other than (oddly enough) to write it down every time and start to see the pattern of it take shape; and each time, write down how it made you feel, and who you really are....

And get away from it as fast as you can. Try not to take part and "defend" yourself. You won't find some magical sentence that makes them stop, or makes others know the truth. Don't take part, or you end up acting and looking pretty much like they want you to - so "proving" their point.

And NEVER believe it of yourself. NEVER. EVER. No matter what.