Hello! Life is bizarre and this post got very lengthy

[11Tractors]

Hi! I am currently questioning my sanity and so is everyone to whom I have accidentally opened up too much.

I have seen things that I should not be seeing since I was 13. Auras, ghots, glowing figures etc. I feel things. Mostly I have just tried to forget this stuff thinking it's just some mental illness. I have been diagnosed with quite a lot of things but surprisingly no medication or therapy has had any affect. Eventually I found my own way of handling everything and it has been working. It was working so well I just had two peaceful years with basically nothing happening.

But. Yeah, it's happening again. It started with an odd dream about aliens. Grey aliens. That's a new thing for me. It was a vivid dream. There was a woman with me. I remember her name and what she looked like. She was really scared. Yeah, made sense since we were surrounded by aliens and odd technology and we couldn't really move. The aliens told me that me and that woman should be connected but we were out of sync and she wasn't doing well like that. Then they touched my back and I woke up still feeling like something was touching that spot. It felt odd for hours.

Few days later I was meditating. My body felt strange. It was like I was in that womans' body. My clothing felt different, the surface I was on felt softer too and so did the body. My/her knee hurt a lot suddenly. A lot. I pulled a nasty creature out of it and threw the thing away (I do stuff like that to myself occasionally). The pain stopped and I was home again.

Since then I have started seeing and feeling things like I did before I shut that door years back. I have started reading tarot cards again. Before I kind of had some talent with them. Now the cards keep coming in pairs. A man and a woman. A king or a knight and a queen, the emperor and the empress. I just did a test run and got a knight and a queen again.

Years ago I did some shamanic journeying. At first it happened by accident and then I did it on purpose since I got a lot of advice that was really useful. One thing never made sense to me. I was told that there is a woman and I should accept her. At first I thought I was called a woman but that being said that's not the case and I never saw that being again. That was the only thing that I was never able to understand no matter how many women I meet.

I know I could maybe shut this door again but it's getting harder and harder to deny that there might be something beyond this "reality". This is already affecting my life. That two years of peace didn't come without any effort. If I stop "cleaning" my home I will get "visitors" that sometimes won't leave easily. If I stop protecting/cleaning myself I will soon start feeling ill and out of place. It's no big deal. I am not afraid. It takes a lot to scare me. It's like brushing teeth. I brush my teeth and that's it. People think I am sane if I don't talk about this.

This runs in a family. My grandmother was able to sense and see a thing that was following me around when I was younger. I didn't tell her about it until she told me what she saw and heard. What a coinsidence. Yeah... I tried not to think about how accurately she described that thing.

This is just odd. Why aliens? Who is that woman? There hasn't been any romantic attraction. She just feels very familiar although we haven't even talked in any way. I never get obsessed about dreams or stuff I see but this is just odd. If I didn't start to see things just like before I would just forget about the dream and the painful knee, my journey years ago and the tarot cards. I am very good at forgetting and explaining things to myself.

[knightofalbion]

A very warm welcome to the forum, dear soul.

I hope we can help you.

[StrawberryStrudel]

Holy cats! Wild stuff!

I strongly encourage you to specifically seek out a very knowledgeable, credentialed individual to help you. Reiki Master, well-established shaman, etc.

Basically, any therapist will think you're crazy, 'cause they don't believe in this stuff.

But, here on the forums, we all have our own opinions and experiences, however subjective and amateur they might be.

I think you need to talk with someone that you KNOW has an incredibly powerful aura, an incredibly high vibration. Someone you can TRUST to look into the spirit realm, and connect with their guides and spirit and your guides and/or your higher self. Someone who can give you REAL answers, advice, guidance, insight, input, and maybe some reassurance & understanding, and possibly even empathy.

The tricky thing to remember is that, if some of the stuff that you experience is "real," it doesn't necessarily mean that it's ALL "real."

<3

You're brave. This was a very good first step, in my opinion.

[wolfgaze]

Welcome Tractors...

[fayette]

Welcome to the forum Tractors

[shoni7510]

Interesting post! A warm welcome to the forum.

[Dude]

Hi tractors, you said this runs in your family, is there anybody around still that you can speak to this about? And what do you actually want? I don't mean that to sound harsh, It's a genuine question, do you want to forget things and to be able to carry on as you was? You could read about twin flames/ soul twins regarding the woman.

[11Tractors]

Thank you everyone!

Strudel, yeah, pretty wild. I hope I could find someone who knows this stuff or has experienced a lot. It seems to be hard in my country.

There is a lot of wisdom about what you said. Even if some things are real doesn't mean everything is. I was lucky to meet a great therapist years ago. A rare case. A little "crazy" herself. She was very open and extremely talented in her field. She didn't think I was crazy since I am functional, not actually suffering much and appear normal (that usually confuses them a lot) but she thought that I am very connected with my subconcious. She was fascinated about it. She helped me to organize my brain and I found out that many things do come from the subconcious and that is also quite awesome.

Must stay brave. Whatever happens, happens and in my life "real" living humans have been the most dangerous things.

Dudewhereismychrystal, my grandmother is still alive but everybody who actually were this "extreme" are dead. I have talked about some of this to her though and she takes it seriously. She has a lot of stories.

I too wonder what it is that I actually want. Just forgetting this has never made me any happier. It just gets confusing. And I am curious about this.

I read something about the twin flames. It makes me wonder. Hah, maybe somewhere out there that woman is wondering what happened to her knee. I hope she is doing ok if she really exists.

[StrawberryStrudel]

Originally Posted by 11Tractors

...I was lucky to meet a great therapist years ago... she thought that I am very connected with my subconcious.

This is awesome! I'm so glad to hear it.

If you feel like there might be some external, spiritual element to the things you are experiencing, I would look into finding a spiritual mentor to supplement your mainstream therapist (if I were in your shoes).

[Dude]

haha well it will make it easier to spot her... just look for someone limping and giving you a dirty look!! I just thought I'd mention though, I'd take with a pinch of salt... maybe it's just your minds way of making you take note of what it needs. I'd defo have a good think about what it is you want though... the further you go the further it is to go back! (Ok that sounds extremely dramatic but hopefully you know what I mean!) I do think if we are meant to be on a path we will end up there one way or another though! I'd maybe give some thought to your reasons for wanting to block everything out in the first place.. i.e. Was it for you or was it to fit in with everybody else? Defo have a good chat with your grandma and ask her for her advice... just remember it's your life so you need to do what makes you happy...