If the mirror itself is cracked...

[Sam.I.Am]

"If the mirror itself is cracked, so is the reflection that it mirrors back to us."

I came across the above quote while reading one of my yoga books (Yoga Transformation by Gary Kraftsow) and I couldn't help but feel a strong resonation to my current SC.

As of late, I've been having the hardest time getting outside of my head when it comes to my SC. He is my mirror in every way, shape, and form, and it's been incredibly hard to not become totally anxiety ridden by that. I love him unconditionally, but it's been a challenge to face all of the parts of myself that I've been suppressing for so many years.

In a way, it's almost hard to continue to commit to love when you know that inevitably more fears will be brought to the surface.

I want more than anything to get past my fears and see things through clearer eyes. I really think of our connection as something that is a beautiful platform for love, growth, and healing, but those anxious thoughts are killer.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated...

[Akira]

Originally Posted by Sam.I.Am

"If the mirror itself is cracked, so is the reflection that it mirrors back to us."

I came across the above quote while reading one of my yoga books (Yoga Transformation by Gary Kraftsow) and I couldn't help but feel a strong resonation to my current SC.

As of late, I've been having the hardest time getting outside of my head when it comes to my SC. He is my mirror in every way, shape, and form, and it's been incredibly hard to not become totally anxiety ridden by that. I love him unconditionally, but it's been a challenge to face all of the parts of myself that I've been suppressing for so many years.

In a way, it's almost hard to continue to commit to love when you know that inevitably more fears will be brought to the surface.

I want more than anything to get past my fears and see things through clearer eyes. I really think of our connection as something that is a beautiful platform for love, growth, and healing, but those anxious thoughts are killer.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated...

In some ways I think it is because the mirror is cracked that we see the reflection at all. A beautifully aligned clear mirror would not bring up anything to healed because we would have healed it.

To get out of your head, you will just need to take small baby steps. You face one little bit at a time. I won't lie facing up to the self and really realizing who you are is headache of a test. However, baby steps will lead you to more peace and contentment.

Yes more will come up when you commit to love, yet the truth is that if this is the path for you, you will go through it in some way shape or form whether you are together or not. Although in truth it will be slower and probably happen in a more flowing way.

Remember that the healing and purging and healing and triggering will go on until all the lessons are mastered, which means that there may even be stuff to heal and clear when you are together. The major advice would be to take it slow and be gentle with yourself. In the end though we all do have the choice 'should I stay, or should I go?' ...

Only you get the to know the answer for this and it's all about doing the best for you.

[dream jo]

i try 2 avod mirrs mi do try avod vewin my slf 2

[Sam.I.Am]

Akira,

Thank you for that perspective!

I know that everything being mirrored to me is for the best, but it can be quite challenging to see what is being put in front of you. I’ve put off my self-healing for a number of years and then immediately got a crash course when I met my SM !

Perhaps, that in and of itself is the issue. I’ve been working on rediscovering myself and finding out who I am, and at times I feel like my SM connection has propelled me along too quickly. I also recognize that if it wasn’t for my SM, that God only knows when I would have started this process for myself.

In an anxiety mindset, your first instinct is to run when things become uncomfortable. And the constant healing and triggering can become very uncomfortable at times!

I’ve made the decision to continue this process with my SM, as he’s been nothing but loving and supportive. While he challenges me, I can’t even begin to thank him for the growth that has transpired over this last year! He has lit in a fire in me that has motivated in so many ways to make changes and take back control of my life.

But, as I was trying to explain above, while I’m committed to love, it’s hard to stay grounded knowing that more fear will inevitably come up. The fear makes me want to pull away, but I know that that isn’t an option when I want nothing more than to stay committed to my SM.

I really just want to trust the process more without being so consumed with what anxieties will arise during this process.

[Inika]

lol dream jo

Originally Posted by dream jo

i try 2 avod mirrs mi do try avod vewin my slf 2

Hey, dream jo.

I learned from Snow White's step mum to be wary of mirrors - nice when they flatter you but they can catch you out with uneasy truths!

[Emm]

Originally Posted by Sam.I.Am

"If the mirror itself is cracked, so is the reflection that it mirrors back to us."

I came across the above quote while reading one of my yoga books (Yoga Transformation by Gary Kraftsow) and I couldn't help but feel a strong resonation to my current SC.

As of late, I've been having the hardest time getting outside of my head when it comes to my SC. He is my mirror in every way, shape, and form, and it's been incredibly hard to not become totally anxiety ridden by that. I love him unconditionally, but it's been a challenge to face all of the parts of myself that I've been suppressing for so many years.

In a way, it's almost hard to continue to commit to love when you know that inevitably more fears will be brought to the surface.

I want more than anything to get past my fears and see things through clearer eyes. I really think of our connection as something that is a beautiful platform for love, growth, and healing, but those anxious thoughts are killer.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated...

To be honest the phrase "unconditional love" and "to commit to love" are at odds with each other. Commitment implies lack of freedom, while unconditional love is total freedom... love can only survive if its free, your love has to be free...putting conditions on it such as commitment ends up being stifled, putting conditions on it that you have to be perfect will also stifle...you can't cage love. So, by being hard on yourself, and only seeing your faults or think you need healing, you will have a problem with allowing someone to love you because you believe you are less than ok. Try to see your positives, what you like about yourself before you convince your other half that there is something wrong with you...focus on the fabulous you and you'll feel better and relax more in your relationships and the energy between you will find a natural harmony.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Sam.I.Am

"If the mirror itself is cracked, so is the reflection that it mirrors back to us."

I came across the above quote while reading one of my yoga books (Yoga Transformation by Gary Kraftsow) and I couldn't help but feel a strong resonation to my current SC.

As of late, I've been having the hardest time getting outside of my head when it comes to my SC. He is my mirror in every way, shape, and form, and it's been incredibly hard to not become totally anxiety ridden by that. I love him unconditionally, but it's been a challenge to face all of the parts of myself that I've been suppressing for so many years.

In a way, it's almost hard to continue to commit to love when you know that inevitably more fears will be brought to the surface.

I want more than anything to get past my fears and see things through clearer eyes. I really think of our connection as something that is a beautiful platform for love, growth, and healing, but those anxious thoughts are killer.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated...

I can really relate to this, as both the person I'd considered to be my twin as well as the person I'd considered to be my soul mate served as excellent mirrors to me, and I'm grateful to both of them for having done so because they illuminated things in me that had been in darkness for a very long time. What's really wonderful about it is that I loved (love) both of them dearly, and that let me know that it's possible to have these issues and to still be worthy of love, because they're both eminently worthy of love regardless of what hang-ups, neuroses, insecurities, etc., that they may have - and by extension, presumably, so am I (with my soul mate in particular we were such similar people, and it amused me that I loved her so much - I thought to myself, 'But how can that be, I hate myself!').

As far as goes moving beyond fear and healing, I think the key really is to dissolve the barrier of your own mind and to encounter directly those feelings, because so much of our mental activity is a coping mechanism, actually a way to keep those feelings at arm's length so we don't have to feel the full intensity of them - this was maybe an appropriate strategy in the past, when we'd have been overwhelmed by them, but at a certain point it becomes a hindrance to your development and well-being because so much of your attention and energy is being used to suppress the pain, whether or not you're conscious of this.

It's important to bear in mind that fear is a reaction to pain, it's an instinctive response to what it perceives to be a threat - and painful emotions are generally perceived as being extremely threatening, on some level they are actually perceived as being a threat to our very existence. So in order to fully enter into the felt experience of painful emotions, you have to trust that they're not going to kill you, and you have to be willing to make conscious and let go of the resistance when it arises. What this means in practice is: Breathe, relax, be consciously embodied. Be willing to feel discomfort, nausea, anxiety, pain, and whatever else arises, be willing to stop running and instead be still and fully present. I highly recommend beginning a formal meditation practice, if you don't already have one, and be fully committed and consistent in your practice.

Originally Posted by Emm

To be honest the phrase "unconditional love" and "to commit to love" are at odds with each other. Commitment implies lack of freedom, while unconditional love is total freedom... love can only survive if its free, your love has to be free...putting conditions on it such as commitment ends up being stifled, putting conditions on it that you have to be perfect will also stifle...you can't cage love. So, by being hard on yourself, and only seeing your faults or think you need healing, you will have a problem with allowing someone to love you because you believe you are less than ok. Try to see your positives, what you like about yourself before you convince your other half that there is something wrong with you...focus on the fabulous you and you'll feel better and relax more in your relationships and the energy between you will find a natural harmony.

Agree entirely about unconditional love.

Sam.I.Am, love for another doesn't have to be unconditional. A relationship can only work if the participants are willing to work to the rules that they develop as they go along - which means it's conditional. Is that bad - when you have to rely on and trust another, given that people are never static and you hope to grow and merge? I don't think so.

If you're able to love unconditionally that's a beautiful state of being but rarely practical to give in an adult relationship. I agree with Emm - my interpretation being it sounds like you're fighting insecurities so you'd do better with long-term affirmations than too much introspection that might just focus on anxieties that you need to abandon. You might as well like yourself, your looks, the spirit radiating from your heart. As said, find your positives. Remember that in another situation the thing might be reversed, a boy in absolute anguish about you. Do you know that your boy isn't?

Don't rely on the mirror analogy too much. You're you. A mirror is just a mirror and if you know it's cracked it's the mirror's fault - doesn't mean you're cracked. Believe in yourself, not some reflection from a flawed mirror.