Does forgiving someone have anything to do with them?

[ReturningMoon]

Hi everyone. In my opinion forgiving someone is something you just do for yourself. It's not really a gift to them but a gift to yourself.
I think the reason so many people are in resistance to forgiveness is because they think it pardons the other person. They think it makes what the other person did ok so they withhold it.
Do you think that forgiveness is for the other person, yourself, or both?

[Miss Hepburn]

Both.
James Van Praagh the incredible medium had a guy at a reading wanting to contact a passed lover.
Yet, who wouldn't 'go away'? A nun.

Short version...she wanted desperately for forgiveness being so bad (mean) as a teacher. He did forgive her.
James said to the reader ...'He has no idea what he has done', he has FREED her soul to move on,
(to whatever, you know, that was next for her.)

And PS - according to ACIM - forgiveness is the ticket outta here.
A Course In Miracles.

[Native spirit]

I always say Forgiving is easy Forgetting is the hardest part


Namaste

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by ReturningMoon

Hi everyone. In my opinion forgiving someone is something you just do for yourself. It's not really a gift to them but a gift to yourself.
I think the reason so many people are in resistance to forgiveness is because or both?

It’s a gift to another if you feel to extend it. It’s also a gift to others if you face yourself fully as experiences reveal this. If you’re not holding into old stuff, you’re not projecting into life around you, unresolved stuff. I’m a forgiving nature, mainly because I’ve reached a place where I am aware, holding on and not letting go, does me no good. In reaching a place of forgiveness as my ‘being’ self, it means I take full responsibility for myself and my part in all situations that activate feelings that are mine to own. In healing those wounds, I no longer hold myself or the other as myself. If I’ve hurt, i face how that feels, if I’ve been hurt I face those feelings. It’s my responsibility.

If another hammers me (whether through words or actions) and needs to find their own forgiveness, I can be neutral, when Ive healed, I can be aware of what is mine, what they need to find for themselves. When you heal fully wounds, forgiveness you see is simply processing of emotional wounds. You bring it all back to wholeness within yourself if you can. ( that is the potential)

Words of forgiveness, might support another’s process, but the real process is when each take full responsibility for themselves, find healing and let go of it all. Extending forgiveness can support another to let go, but that is their process, not yours to work through.

( the movie the railway man, shows the power in both opening to forgiveness, when one has done the work, to that degree and then that forgiveness is given back to the one who harmed, which opens their heart to let go of their part)

It’s a great model of the worse kind of cruelty, but also the depth of healing that all parties can share. The only way to truly forgive is to open the heart fully, which means you no longer protect your pain and hurt.

[Unseeking Seeker]

Forgiveness is passe, best replaced with acceptance, in my view.

Forgiveness presupposes a sense of injury arising from belied expectation, a hurt that needs healing. So the fault line is expectation, which arises from ignorance because the ego expects, the mind-body expects, which we are not.

It has to do with human to human interaction only. If an insect bites us, we feel pain but there is no grudge, no forgiveness issue involved. Why? Because we accept that it is in the nature of the insect, animal or reptile to act the way it does. We accept it as it is.

Now, what if an animal is endouled in human form? We expect a code of conduct. If denied, we feel hurt. So it has to do with our perception, the way we look at other forms. We look at the appearance, not spirit indwelling it.

If a fellow human engages in what harms us, recognise that knowing no better, it could do know better, so we accept. There is no need to forgive since we are free from expectation. I’m not saying we should trauma bond, no, we protect ourself if we can but we just accept, shrug and move on.

Originally Posted by ReturningMoon

I think the reason so many people are in resistance to forgiveness is because they think it pardons the other person. They think it makes what the other person did ok so they withhold it.

It is indeed what I used to think. However in my experience forgiveness is for self, not others. I used to be so hard on myself, everything always had to be perfect and I would never forgive myself for letting bad things happen to me.
In my case, it was just my inner child mad at me for not protecting "us".
But eventually after working on forgiving myself, I also started realizing I got much more accepting of myself and others, and that all was not black and white.
Also, the people that hurt us, they could not do that if we were not already hurt in the first place, and those that have hurt me in the past, I just wish them to win the lottery, meet the love of their life and whatever they could ever imagine, because it's thanks to them that I got my chance at seeing what was grinding my gears.

[lemex]

I have had my own experience here as well. I would imagine every person has had the experience of forgiving and being forgiven in some small way at some time and remember that experience.

[Wandering_Star]

I see people all the time who refuse to consider forgiving those who wronged them, and it's like they've shackled themselves to their own pain, condemning themselves to constantly keeping it alive and active and dragging it around with them. Forgiveness is the key they already hold, that would free them to walk away, but they refuse to use it.

And I get it; I used to be one of those people myself. I kept a lot of old hurts alive and unforgiven because to simply drop them might mean that the people who hurt me would get away with it. I wanted justice; I wanted vengeance; I wanted to defeat them.

But I never got any of that. Instead, it kept me stuck in anger, resentment and pain—while the people who had hurt me either thought I was crazy, or had forgotten all about me. The only one being punished was me.

Refusing to forgive also impaired my ability to feel empathy. I mean, how would I be able to keep my grievances alive if I went deep into the experiences of the people who had harmed me and discovered the pain, fear, and disconnection from all-that-is that led them to treat me the way they had? I used to get angry at the saying, "Hurt people create hurt people," because I needed my enemies to be evil, not wounded.

Refusal to forgive took a heavy toll on me, psychologically, spiritually, and physically. It did not make me a better, kinder person, or give me a positive outlook on life or the universe. It did not help me advance spiritually.

So I learned to forgive because I could no longer tolerate paying the price of not doing it.

I never told most of the people I forgave that I had forgiven them, because I didn't need to. This wasn't about them, after all; it was about me. And I never had to forget what they had done, and give them a free pass, or pretend it was totally okay and justifiable—no, it still sucked, and I still wanted nothing to do with those people, but I mostly just wanted to put them completely behind me so I could finally allow myself to heal and have some peace.

That said, I do think that, ultimately, forgiveness does have a beneficial, healing effect beyond the individual who does it. Any time you heal your own pain, the effect ripples outward. On the simplest level, you're not going around as a hurt, angry person any more, constantly inflicting your negativity on others—which, yes, you did, because it was part of your vibration.

The one person I forgave, and told him I was doing it at the time, was my dad. He was dying of cancer, and he wasn't even conscious, but I understood that he was stll very much present, and if I was finally going to forgive him, it was time. So I did it. And then I apologized and asked his forgiveness for all the hurtful things I'd done to him over the years—we'd just kept swapping our pain back and forth in some really cruel ways. I hadn't planned on saying that, but in the moment I knew it needed to be said, and it just came pouring out.

As soon as I said that, I felt a massive, massive burden lift right off me. I'd never been aware of all the heaviness I'd been carrying around for all those years, but suddenly, it was just gone, and the whole energy in the room had shifted. I've had some significant spiritual experiences throughout my life, but that was one of the most powerful ones.

Originally Posted by Wandering_Star

As soon as I said that, I felt a massive, massive burden lift right off me.

Similar story here. Yeah, my back ached for two weeks after that. Crazy how muscles can be tense because of the mind!

[Ewwerrin]

Better to love them than forgive them.
There is still some blaming in forgiveness.
God never forgives because god never blames.
So when we blame/forgive we feel bad.