Alternative techniques to check relationships

[Urfus]

Hi fellow friends and healers,

I am just wondering - do you know/use any techniques that can help you/or your clients check the "health" of the relationship they have with someone?

It would be interesting to find out as this topic is very very popular especially these days - I get a lot of requests to provide an advice/reading/healing in the field of relationships.

I will share with you 2 of my favourite techniques which have been working for me successfully.

TECHNIQUE No. 1 - FACE VISUALIZATION
Fairly simple to perform. Close your eyes and try to visualize the face of the other person. Can you recognize the details of his/her face in your visualization? Yes or not? If you find it difficult and the image in your mind's eye is blurry, than there is a high chance that there is something wrong in your relationship with this person. Try it with your good friends, family members, and don't forget to check "the face" of your mother-in-law :-) and let me know how it went

TECHNIQUE No. 2 - MENTAL CHATTER DETECTION
This one worked for me everytime. If I find myself chatting in my mind with someone, I know for sure that something is not right with the relationship with that person. Because if there is anything you need to discuss with someone, you should discuss it directly with him/her and not in your mind.

I also use 2 other techniques - one with tarot cards and one with pendulum, but these are quite complicated to explain as they require some skill and practice.

What about you? Do you have any good experience with other techniques?

I’m no healer so when the question ever arises (like, I’m asked to comment) I don’t get quite so technical. Things important to me would be (of the pair and hoping for honest answers!):

If differences do arise, are they settled before sleep that night?

If appropriate, is the sexual content fulfilling?

Are you willing to compromise over sexual needs?

Can you talk to the other half openly, without fear?

Even if you don’t share administrative tasks, can you show how you appreciate what the other person does for you?

Can you remember the last thing the other person said to you and you to them?

Do you trust the other person when they need their own space/time to pursue something alone? Are you ever suspicious and can you talk to the other person about it?

Are you jealous when the other person shows (e.g. body language signs) interest in someone who might be a competitor?

Do you feel you get enough attention from the loved one?

Do you seem to work to the same domestic agenda?

Etc. With most, a no would indicate a less healthy relationship - but then no one can be perfect so the total needs to be weighed up.

I’m not too sure about visualising as a technique as some people are notoriously bad at it – a few because their ability to visualise/imagine has been scuppered by dependence on visual media these days. You read people here sometimes crying out “I can’t visualise! What should I do to?”
So I don’t know how reliable such a test might be. If someone says yes I can, how can you validate?

The mental chatter sounds a good one though.

My thoughts...

Edit - Framing questions needs care. My limited experience of market questionnaires years ago warned against questions that prompt socially desirable answers rather than "truth". A question like "Have you stopped telling lies yet?" puts people more on the spot than "Do you ever tell lies?"

[Urfus]

Lorelyen,
you raised some very nice questions! Thanks for your 2 cents.

As you write, sometimes we tend to answer questions using socially desirable answers. Sometimes it may also happen that our own answer how we perceive it is far away from the reality and our partner may have another opinion on the same topic.

But even though, if you use your questions and also the visualization technique in a way, that you as a healer or consultant don't ask your client to answer them or do them for you and let the person evaluate them on his/her own, then they might work better under the condition client is not lying to himself and is frank.

As I said, I'm no healer and ultimately it's up to couples to decide for themselves. If there's a mismatch that leads to strife they have to a) be honest and part (with help if there's violence or legal/contractual issues involved) or b) "put up and shut up."

In some cases a counsellor might help if the couple believes they have basically a good relationship but can't talk to each other. If that then opens the proverbial can of worms it's up to the couple to decide whether they can go on or not. Many stay together for convenience, maybe because there are contractual tie-ups, implicit or explicit, some from fear of loneliness, could be many reasons I suppose.

Cases where children are involved are difficult indeed - to limit damage to children although the way society proceeds at the moment an increasing number of parents farm out the upbringing of their children to all manner of agencies and I suppose said children attain a degree of independence early - how that may effect their development I can't even guess.

[ocean breeze]

If i feel a need to check the health of a relationship, the first thing i re-examine are my own assumptions. The techniques above may lead to jumping to the wrong conclusions.

[Urfus]

Is that what you mean by "my own assumptions" somehow different from what Lorelyen described as her questions?
Please explain more.

[FairyCrystal]

I don't see how the face visualization would work. Even if someone could visualize really well, when they're in doubt or fear this ability will be impaired because they're not centered.

The mental chatter... meaningless as well. Some ppl tend to do this even when feeling good, so not a good gauge. Also in a healthy relationship you may not live together (yet) and not have the opportunity to directly communicate things so easily.

One visualisation that might work, because it doesn't require detailed stuff like in yours... Best if you get a client in a calm place, e.g. with a very brief meditation. Then get them to see themselves standing in front of their partner (no need for details whatsoever, even an outline or shape will do) and have them tell you if their partner is facing them or has their back to them. If they have their back to them, do they turn around when they hear that their partner is there or not? If so, are they warm or narked?

That particular one worked really well for me. But you do have to make sure you get ppl out of their ego first though.

Best one I guess is to find out how they feel. Not how the ego feels, so you'd have to get a tad deeper with them.
But I guess no method will be really easy if you have the client do something, because when they come with questions about their relationship it means they feel something is wrong. Meaning they will be in doubt and fear as opposed to centered, and from that place they won't be able to do clear visualisations unless you get them out of fear first. (meditation, soundhealing, whatever).
If it's within your abilities it might be easier and faster if you tune in yourself to check the status with a visualisation. (Obviously not the face visualisation)

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

But I guess no method will be really easy if you have the client do something, because when they come with questions about their relationship it means they feel something is wrong. Meaning they will be in doubt and fear as opposed to centered, and from that place they won't be able to do clear visualisations unless you get them out of fear first. (meditation, soundhealing, whatever).
If it's within your abilities it might be easier and faster if you tune in yourself to check the status with a visualisation. (Obviously not the face visualisation)

Agreed. A pertinent insight. So the approach would be to find out what ails the relationship, assuming a couple can't discover it honestly for themselves. Or simply to talk in the presence of an arbitrator, the act in itself of which might solve a few issues: the initial "opening up" giving them a route to talk to each other in future. It would be less a litmus test of the relationship than why the litmus came out the colour it did.

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by Urfus

Is that what you mean by "my own assumptions" somehow different from what Lorelyen described as her questions?
Please explain more.

More like, what is it about the relationship that's causing me to question the health of it. What assumptions am i projecting that haven't been proven true? Examine those assumptions. Many times when we become scared and insecure we start assuming the worse and project things that aren't true. About ourselves and about the other. Be honest with yourself. I've done this myself plenty of times. And i've had others assume the worse about me as well.