Awakening and Anxiety

[TonySG]

Hi
I was just looking for some insights into my current experiences.

So I have suffered from terrible anxiety and negative thinking for most of my life. Nothing I have tried has been able to relieve me from this. Now, I have been on the spiritual journey for a few years. This year, however, I have experienced the most spiritual growth of my life. In meditation, I am now at the point where I am able to get into a 'no-self' state and be totally free of all and any identifications.

However, my negative thinking/anxiety usually pops up in this 'no self' state and pulls me out of it. My anxiety seems to be getting stronger the deeper the more I seem to awaken. I assume this is my ego trying to hang-on. But sometimes the anxiety feels unbearable. It is such a strange dynamic. On one hand, I am able to go really deep into myself and on the other, I am suffering the worst anxiety of my life. I think I am going to come to a breaking point soon where I will just have to let go of my ego. But something is keeping me clinging to it.

Has anyone been through a similar experience or have any advice on how to go about this? Thank you!

[FallingLeaves]

I'm not longer sure getting rid of it is the correct course.

I was thinking earlier I'm in kind of a confused state right now... everything people have taught me is you've got to be happy, got to get rid of sufferring, etc etc... but everything people DO to me and for me belies that, all I get is a lot of horror heaped on me all day long every day. I mean people obviously don't believe any of the 'good' stuff is good for anyone other than themselves, apparently others aren't to have it. This is apparent from the way they treat each other. From the way they treat ME.

But there is more than that it seems all of life has been conspiring to suggest maybe I should just go with the idea that 'happiness' satisfaction lack of suffering etc etc is actually all a big con... and there are reasons given.

And sure once you've been fed that kind of idea and sort of twirl it around for a bit, it is easy to look in the books and see they may well agree with some position other than the 'everyone should just be happy' one being fed to us all... and it is also easy to look at the lives people are leading and start wondering if all the socially sanctioned stuff people are doing is as sane as the mere stamp of society allows for? But still, it is very difficult, coming from a position where one is supposed to try to become 'happy' or 'satisfied' and not suffer, to accept that maybe what you've been told is just plain wrong.

And also the suspicion that I may have been conned in a big way, once, doesn't make me feel too good about the prospects of whatever I'm being told now either. So again with the confusion?

but anyway i don't have much use for the enlightened if that is your choice in the end. By definition, they simply can't care. Never have and never will. Then what is the point to their existance? They just seem like insects, that need to be swatted.

[Miss Hepburn]

I dunno Tony, my dear...we have talked before...this anxiety has such a hold ...it is a terrible thing....been there.

I must tell you if it were me I would get on some sort of anti anxiety med or herbs, like 2 droppers full
of Lemon Balm herb from Whole Foods about $10.

Instead of ''going into yourself", if it were me///I would be sitting
and talking to God within me...
that's not really meditation....but asking God to come to me or reveal His Divine Love to me is better than stewing
in anxiety...what a hell, my friend!
I'm so sorry.


But, see, I rely on God's help for every single solitary thing in my life.
That might not be your thing.

[running]

Originally Posted by TonySG

Hi
I was just looking for some insights into my current experiences.

So I have suffered from terrible anxiety and negative thinking for most of my life. Nothing I have tried has been able to relieve me from this. Now, I have been on the spiritual journey for a few years. This year, however, I have experienced the most spiritual growth of my life. In meditation, I am now at the point where I am able to get into a 'no-self' state and be totally free of all and any identifications.

However, my negative thinking/anxiety usually pops up in this 'no self' state and pulls me out of it. My anxiety seems to be getting stronger the deeper the more I seem to awaken. I assume this is my ego trying to hang-on. But sometimes the anxiety feels unbearable. It is such a strange dynamic. On one hand, I am able to go really deep into myself and on the other, I am suffering the worst anxiety of my life. I think I am going to come to a breaking point soon where I will just have to let go of my ego. But something is keeping me clinging to it.

Has anyone been through a similar experience or have any advice on how to go about this? Thank you!

my expereince has been when you meditate, do pranayama, and a host of other things it is a tool that opens up the chakra system. sometimes i use harmonics when i meditate. that is hitting it two different ways at once. sometimes i use a harmonic to focus in an area im weak. sorta a triple wamy on that one.

in any case what im getting at is as things open and unravel you then get the luxury of filtering through it. which is very much the emotional body. where anxiety, negativity or whatever may be waiting to say hello and filter through you.

any time going into no thoughts makes the filtering process more efficient.

but let me say again. im simply speaking from my experince. i dont know what its like to expereince an ongoing anxiety. maybe for a year or few. i think. not something that went on and on.

i hear often about people working on witnessing the emotions. and other tools. but i dont have much first hand experience.

[LadyMay]

As someone who has suffered life long anxiety, I have learned you cannot beat the anxiety into submission, you cannot want to get rid of it and expect it to go. You can only learn to manage it and its effects will diminish over time as you do that. Try not to identify the anxiety with yourself. The anxiety is a completely separate issue to who you are at a soul level. Its being there doesn't change that.

[John32241]

Originally Posted by TonySG

However, my negative thinking/anxiety usually pops up in this 'no self' state and pulls me out of it. My anxiety seems to be getting stronger the deeper the more I seem to awaken. I assume this is my ego trying to hang-on. But sometimes the anxiety feels unbearable. It is such a strange dynamic. On one hand, I am able to go really deep into myself and on the other, I am suffering the worst anxiety of my life. I think I am going to come to a breaking point soon where I will just have to let go of my ego. But something is keeping me clinging to it.

Has anyone been through a similar experience or have any advice on how to go about this? Thank you!

Hello,

These things do have a strange dynamic to them.

What causes anxiety is thinking like a human. Our intellect is designed to keep us alive and safe from harm. So it literally Looks For problems and issues.

In my view, it is not really the ego at fault. We have habits and thought patterns which we were conditioned to have that create anxiety, stress, and often depresion. Neglecting to elevate those patterns is the real issue as I see these things.

John

Originally Posted by TonySG

However, my negative thinking/anxiety usually pops up in this 'no self' state and pulls me out of it. My anxiety seems to be getting stronger the deeper the more I seem to awaken. I assume this is my ego trying to hang-on. But sometimes the anxiety feels unbearable. It is such a strange dynamic. On one hand, I am able to go really deep into myself and on the other, I am suffering the worst anxiety of my life. I think I am going to come to a breaking point soon where I will just have to let go of my ego. But something is keeping me clinging to it.

It seems to be a very common theme in Spirituality, people become so 'Spiritually advanced' that they leave themselves behind - or at least try to. I can't help wonder if people become Spiritual because they don't like themselves, in your case to run away from your anxiety and your 'negative thinking'. Another thing that often happens is that people try to come up with Spiritual answers and fixes for psychological or emotional issues, only to find that they're running away again and not actually fixing anything. All that means is that few actually get to the real root of the problem and never find anything close to a solution. I guess so many people use the word 'Awakening' without really understanding what they're awakening to.


In this case it's probably worth going back to your reasons for being Spiritual in the first place, what does being Spiritual mean to you personally? And no, I don't want the stock answer I want to know what you personally get out of it. If you don't like yourself having anxiety and 'negative thoughts' and being Spiritual means you can be free of any identifications, all it means is that you're running away from yourself instead of coming to terms with who and what you are. You see, what could be happening here is that your self-esteem is lowered because of how you perceive your anxiety and 'negative' thoughts and how you feel about yourself, while meditating yourself free of identification makes you feel like somebody. That's called cognitive dissonance and it'll only add to your anxiety.



Spirituality in your case doesn't seem to be fixing anything, it's probably exacerbating it if anything because you like yourself when you're being an ideology and you hate yourself when you're being you. While we're here, you can't let go of your ego - that in itself is egoic. What you can let go of is your misconceptions and all you're trying to do is run away from another part of yourself that you're not willing to deal with because it doesn't suit your ideological vision of yourself.

[Michelle11]

I Suspect your spiritual work is making you more acutely aware of the stuck energy that feeds your anxiety. Anxiety is really just suppressed emotions we are trying to avoid. We can do our best to rise above our feelings and try to find a state of peace but if we don't address our buried upsets and hurts they will continue to undermine our emotional well being. For lasting peace and serenity you may need to dig deep and deal with the root of the anxiety as opposed to just trying to feel better. So I'd say as you do your meditation ask to be shown what is feeding your anxiety and how you can resolve and heal it. There is some upset or hurt that wants your attention so you can live your life truly free. You are strong enough to face it. Facing it will liberate you.

[TonySG]

Thank you for all the responses. I have some food for thought :)

[kishore]

My situation is photo copy to your situation, i have been having out of body expirences from last 6 years and now i still feel anxiety and sudden anger many times, and also lost interest in material and practical things but at the same time i feel myself grown spiritually. Looking here for the guidance from a self realized person here for what is really my purpose in life, as i no more resonate with the practical things which all people do.