Looks like I failed to learn ..

Since learning that I'm dealing with a soul connection, I've done everything to learn more about it. I've come to the acceptance that this person has been chosen by the universe and not by my ego. My ego had been dormant for a while and I misunderstood that it was gone. Apparently its making its last stand (atleast thats what I think). The following happened yesterday

Me and my friend were at the cafe we usually frequent. My SC usually doesnt come there but yesterday she did. I noticed her (as expected) but I didnt react immediately. I hadnt been in touch with her for a while, so I pretended not to see her. She had changed her number a couple of months back. She always had men pursuing her, so I don't know if this was because of me or one of them. But she didnt bother to give me the new number. She also unfriended me on FB. Besides, she told she was getting married. So I had lost all contact with her. What I didnt expect is that she would come and talk to me. She had always been the runner, so I didnt know she had the guts to approach me. But that is exactly what she did. We started off pretty well with the usual 'hi how are you' stuff. Soon she started talking about our relationship and why it never really worked. I wasnt comfortable talking about this in front of my friend. So I was trying the change the subject. But she persisted and I lost my temper. I lashed out at her so viciously my friend was taken aback. I accused her of being indifferent and selfish. I could see that she was hurt but I didnt stop. I continued to spit venom and it ended in her running out in tears. I seriously dont see why she shouldve spoken about a relationship that never really took off. She has never spoken about our relationship (or the lack of it) before. Now I dont even remember the exact words I yelled at her. My friend was stunned by all this. He has been my friend since childhood and he told he has never seen me so angry before. I usually have a calm demeanor and am not ruffled easily. But what happened yesterday even surprised me. I honestly dont know why I reacted like that. I consciously know that I'll have to deal with her with unconditional love. But apparently my ego is not gone yet. God I feel so miserable now

What are signs that the ego is dead and gone permanently ? Any of you had a similar experience before ?

I definitely can relate to that, since I'm putting up with the same egotic issue, basically. Similarly to you, I'm aware of the importance of dealing with a TF or SM in total, unconditional Love, which I actually experienced at some point, before my Ego surfaced manifesting judgement and fear of loss, which is exactly what drove me to part ways from my TF in the first place. And right now, I feel like I'll pretty much blame myself forever for that - even though I'm aware it's not healthy or righteous to do so.

Oh vck.....I feel for you.

Don't beat yourself up. That's exactly what the ego does...beats us up with lies, so that we unintentionally make things worse and fail to see the growth process.

Forgive yourself. Be kind to you. It's not a failure, it's a learning curve.

In time, you will be given another opportunity to heal wounds.

Hugs
MM

[mystical]

What are signs that the ego is dead and gone permanently ? Any of you had a similar experience before ?[/quote] the ego is all part of the and parcel of us having a physical body the human ego can never die until our body dies ,the ego is like the friend who always gets us in trouble , it is good at taking care of things we dont want to feel , for instance ...if we dont want to think about somehting , the ego will do its best to push it to the back of our minds to forget about it , but the more we ignore the ego and listen to our hearts and higher self the ego throws its dummy out and has a tantrum , , making us angry , irritated , you said how she was the runner and has ner spoke about this relationship before , .. well the fact that she did sent YOU runnin , w ehave to try to remain balanced , and when the ego steps in we must learnt to breathe and deal with it calmly , our ego can be very sly and manipulative , im sure your connection feels really sad right now because she must of felt so rejected .

The ego is a part of you and who you are, it won't be dead and gone. Dont you see this? o.o
And dont you know it can be useful at times? Work with it rather than against it.
I dont think that girl is really into you...if she didnt want you to have her number and stuff. Im sorry but yeah... I guess the best thing you could do is apologize to her for reacting like this. It was pretty uncalled for her starting talking like this in front of your friend but hey...just say you're sorry.

I hadnt been in touch with her for a while, so I pretended not to see her. She had changed her number a couple of months back. She always had men pursuing her, so I don't know if this was because of me or one of them. But she didnt bother to give me the new number. She also unfriended me on FB. Besides, she told she was getting married.

i think these things gave you enough reasons to act the way you did, if you had a lot of feelings for her when you were keeping in touch. do you still have the same feelings for her? if she's smart, she might realize how much you've been suffering, and she might come search for you again. *BUT* dont put your hopes too high because of my words.

but it is weird that she wanted to talk about a relationship that never took place, especially if she is supposed to be married and since she didnt want any more contact with you [by not giving you her new phone nº, and having unfriended you on fb]

about the ego.. hm, one can try and curb it, but we are not monks, and there will be times when we snap. dont beat yourself over it, man. next time, count to 10, 20 or 100 if you have to, if you dont want to lash at somebody again.
peace, man

Originally Posted by vck87

Since learning that I'm dealing with a soul connection, I've done everything to learn more about it. I've come to the acceptance that this person has been chosen by the universe and not by my ego. My ego had been dormant for a while and I misunderstood that it was gone. Apparently its making its last stand (atleast thats what I think). The following happened yesterday

Me and my friend were at the cafe we usually frequent. My SC usually doesnt come there but yesterday she did. I noticed her (as expected) but I didnt react immediately. I hadnt been in touch with her for a while, so I pretended not to see her. She had changed her number a couple of months back. She always had men pursuing her, so I don't know if this was because of me or one of them. But she didnt bother to give me the new number. She also unfriended me on FB. Besides, she told she was getting married. So I had lost all contact with her. What I didnt expect is that she would come and talk to me. She had always been the runner, so I didnt know she had the guts to approach me. But that is exactly what she did. We started off pretty well with the usual 'hi how are you' stuff. Soon she started talking about our relationship and why it never really worked. I wasnt comfortable talking about this in front of my friend. So I was trying the change the subject. But she persisted and I lost my temper. I lashed out at her so viciously my friend was taken aback. I accused her of being indifferent and selfish. I could see that she was hurt but I didnt stop. I continued to spit venom and it ended in her running out in tears. I seriously dont see why she shouldve spoken about a relationship that never really took off. She has never spoken about our relationship (or the lack of it) before. Now I dont even remember the exact words I yelled at her. My friend was stunned by all this. He has been my friend since childhood and he told he has never seen me so angry before. I usually have a calm demeanor and am not ruffled easily. But what happened yesterday even surprised me. I honestly dont know why I reacted like that. I consciously know that I'll have to deal with her with unconditional love. But apparently my ego is not gone yet. God I feel so miserable now

What are signs that the ego is dead and gone permanently ? Any of you had a similar experience before ?

I think your lesson here is to learn that the ego can be a useful tool, and you don't necessarily want to aim for killing it entirely.

Personally this sounds to me like an appropriate use of anger. We tend to feel anger when our boundaries have been breached or others have mistreated us or others. You have been mistreated by this woman. She has been indifferent and selfish and you simply called it like you saw it.

You've painted a picture in my head of a woman who relies on the admiration of men to fan her own ego, does that sound about right? She brought up your relationship-that-wasn't and persisted in that because she wanted to hear how much you admired her and how you were jealous she was marrying someone else? If that is the case, she is not just selfish she's downright cruel, and she's the one with the "ego problem," not you.

Without more details, that's what I'm seeing. I may be completely off on this, since I don't know your full story. If so, ignore.

If she's a runner and that's why she de-friended you, then approaching you now may have been a brave step, but even then, your anger doesn't seem misplaced to me.

You'll probably feel better if you forgive yourself for your outburst, then reach out to her and make amends. Clear the air between you. Apologize for making her cry.

Unconditional love does not mean putting up with someone's mistreatment and ****. Common misconception. You do not have to be anyone's doormat or ego stroking post.

Originally Posted by Arcadia

I definitely can relate to that, since I'm putting up with the same egotic issue, basically. Similarly to you, I'm aware of the importance of dealing with a TF or SM in total, unconditional Love, which I actually experienced at some point, before my Ego surfaced manifesting judgement and fear of loss, which is exactly what drove me to part ways from my TF in the first place. And right now, I feel like I'll pretty much blame myself forever for that - even though I'm aware it's not healthy or righteous to do so.

Well consciously we know that only unconditional love give us the relief we want. But the ego tends make its presence felt at the wrong times. There must be a better way to tame the ego.

Originally Posted by MorningMist

Oh vck.....I feel for you.

Don't beat yourself up. That's exactly what the ego does...beats us up with lies, so that we unintentionally make things worse and fail to see the growth process.

Forgive yourself. Be kind to you. It's not a failure, it's a learning curve.

In time, you will be given another opportunity to heal wounds.

Hugs
MM

Thanks MM. I feel better already. That day it felt like as if I was possessed by some other entity. I've never had an outburst like that before. Now I'm in a better frame of mind. But unfortunately I dont know how to contact her now. I would like to apologize.

Originally Posted by mystical

the ego is all part of the and parcel of us having a physical body the human ego can never die until our body dies ,the ego is like the friend who always gets us in trouble , it is good at taking care of things we dont want to feel , for instance ...if we dont want to think about somehting , the ego will do its best to push it to the back of our minds to forget about it , but the more we ignore the ego and listen to our hearts and higher self the ego throws its dummy out and has a tantrum , , making us angry , irritated

Very true, mystical. I guess I've been pushing too many things under the carpet. Thinking of my SC tends to make my depressed. So I try my best to live in the moment and work on my own weaknesses. But it doesnt make the feelings go away though.

Originally Posted by mystical

you said how she was the runner and has ner spoke about this relationship before , .. well the fact that she did sent YOU runnin

I dont think my ego liked being confronted like that. Maybe it felt like a cornered cat and felt the need to defend itself in such a manner.