Alone

[Lucky 1]

Originally Posted by Kris68

I feel alone too. It's a dark place. I live with my wife. We have no children. My family live several hours away, so I don't have any immediate family support and I don't have any friends. I feel that I am alone in dealing with life's problems. I crave love, reassurance and acceptance. I don't know what to do. It's a terrifying emptiness engulfing me. I get some comfort from reading about people's NDEs and OBEs as it gives me hope that I will find love and peace in the next life. My mum died 23 years ago and I never really got over it. I'm going to be the same age as her in October. Has anyone here had a NDE? I wish I could see my mum again and experience just briefly the love and peace that many NDEers talk about. I imagine it must be an enormous comfort when people have personal spititual experiences. Anyway, sorry for rambling. It's difficult not having anyone to talk to and express what I'm feeling. I so want to feel the love on the other side.

Hi Kris. ......what you describe does sound dark and alone and im sorry you are expereincing that...but yet you say you are married and live with your wife.
Is she not there for you? Or poor company? Or what?

My wife and I are best friends.......I could never imagine feeling alone....or bored with her around!

Just this evening tbere was a fly in our kitchen and I'm swatting at it trying to get in a lethal hit.... by which I mean turn that annoying sucker into an amorphous blotch!...when I hear her sitting at the table giggling......I turn around and she lhao videoing my antics on her phone......I'm like what???
She starts laughing so hard she can't talk and finally says here. ...watch the video. .....I look like a crazy person loose in the house with a fly swatter...then we're both laughing!

Life with a spouse is supposed to be fun and interesting and most definitly NOT ALONE!....why not explore that relationship with new eyes.....its right there in front of you!

Have fun with your wife! Talk....go for walks...run around naked in the backyard and squirt each other with the hose (that's a lot of fun....personnel experience) take her to bed and go nuts together! Go fishing!

Seriously. ...snap out of it! Lifes too short to live it any other way

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Lucky 1

you say you are married and live with your wife.
Is she not there for you? Or poor company? Or what?

run around naked in the backyard and squirt each other with the hose (that's a lot of fun....personnel experience) take her to bed and go nuts together! Go fishing!

I don't like getting wet and gave up fishing back in the 80s. But those other two... yeah, sign me up! You caught that about Kris' post, I did too but didn't say anything because, well, we've all had marriages like that I think. The happiest aspect of which is when you're divorced and no longer living together.

[Shaunc]

Originally Posted by Lucky 1

Hi Kris. ......what you describe does sound dark and alone and im sorry you are expereincing that...but yet you say you are married and live with your wife.
Is she not there for you? Or poor company? Or what?

My wife and I are best friends.......I could never imagine feeling alone....or bored with her around!

Just this evening tbere was a fly in our kitchen and I'm swatting at it trying to get in a lethal hit.... by which I mean turn that annoying sucker into an amorphous blotch!...when I hear her sitting at the table giggling......I turn around and she lhao videoing my antics on her phone......I'm like what???
She starts laughing so hard she can't talk and finally says here. ...watch the video. .....I look like a crazy person loose in the house with a fly swatter...then we're both laughing!

Life with a spouse is supposed to be fun and interesting and most definitly NOT ALONE!....why not explore that relationship with new eyes.....its right there in front of you!

Have fun with your wife! Talk....go for walks...run around naked in the backyard and squirt each other with the hose (that's a lot of fun....personnel experience) take her to bed and go nuts together! Go fishing!

Seriously. ...snap out of it! Lifes too short to live it any other way

This is a great post and great advice. At the moment my wife and me are planning a trip back to her home island in the Philippines with a stop in Hong Kong for a few days to show the kids Disneyland.
My 13 year old son wants to go fishing with his cousins and experience their way of life compared to his.
And me, well I'm just happy to see my wife and kids having a great time.

[taurmel]

Ragdoll, revel in the aloneness, take the time to get to know yourself when you're not being a people-pleaser and tab payer! Find what interests you and makes you happy...yeah, it's not easy to just find something, but try searching for YouTube vidoes or internet articles and just keep clicking, see where it takes you and you focus most on, easiest way to find an interest :) Get to know yourself, this forum is an awesome place for connecting when you need to socialize but have no one physically available.

I'm loving my isolation, honestly, and when I need interaction I usually go to the park or walk around a store, wherever...I personally think quick interactions are easier now, being such an introvert I don't have to keep interacting ;p I resonate with your original post, I used to be the one paying and pleasing and sacrificing my all to make others happy because I needed to feel needed. Now, I give my all to my kids and learn to do stuff for myself...it's not easy when you become accustomed to never focusing on yourself...maybe find out why that is? For me, it's because I never valued myself, always thought I was just an absolute bore and not worth anyone's time.

Being alone, do you feel lonely during certain times? Hormones spiking can cause a horrible desire for interactions thus amplifying loneliness as well! Get to know yourself and see if that's the case as well :)

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by ragdoll

I find myself completely alone at the moment. No true close friends. I find myself unwilling to have relationships with people who require me to give up a part of myself to "buy" their time and attention. I used to do that a lot. I've been conditioned to do that since I was a kid. Say sorry when I did nothing wrong to keep people close. Give up time that I didn't have, spend money I couldn't afford, do things I wasn't comfortable in doing, smiling when I was sad or depressed, ignore things people said and did that made me uncomfortable just to hang around someone, working too hard and overextending for people who just didn't care. Those were my choices and now I'm not making them anymore.

And I am alone.

I am glad I am not doing those things anymore, but it makes me wonder what the price for integrity is. When you show your true self, when you are genuine to yourself. It's no wonder so many people fake it and people please and sever themselves for others.

People say you can't expect life to come to you, you have to go out and meet it. But after so long of chasing life and pushing myself and going one step beyond, I'd like life to come my way just a little bit. People say when you let go of control then the way things are supposed to be just happens.

Am I supposed to be alone? Just tolerated and valued for what I can do for others? If there is no answer to that I'm just going to keep studying, working towards goals, and doing my best to be a good person. Is there any other choice?

I am alone now since my late wife is gone and I have never been good at cultivating "friends" due to certain factors from my childhood. The only thing that has ever helped me with "loneliness" and isolation (which I prefer)has been self esteem and self respect work in therapy. I suffered a lot before learning how to love and accept my self in therapy so I am quite comfortable all alone and often find that I am LEFT ALONE in crowds. When others ignore or avoid me, I can take it personally and get hurt or I can accept my own company and be happy with and as my self. I have often suspected that others "feel" my need or preference for privacy or isolation and so they do not approach me in crowds. It's OK. I have learned to be happily OK with and by my self. Under certain conditions, I can be the "life of the party" but generally I'm not and I suspect that many people know or see that I'm not much fun plus I don't drink any more!!!

I went to a march on the 21st, maybe you heard of it...

Here in L.A. I am finding a lot of group activities through MEETUP.com

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by Kris68

I imagine it must be an enormous comfort when people have personal spititual experiences. Anyway, sorry for rambling. It's difficult not having anyone to talk to and express what I'm feeling. I so want to feel the love on the other side.

My late wife just crossed over back in May 2016 and is still here with and around me so I have not experienced deep and painful grief like many others. I could write a book about our ongoing relationship but, I'd recommend for anyone to go to a psychic/medium and allow the departed one to come here to be with you again, even for just a moment. They are NOT DEAD and they come to us in all kinds of ways, usually in our dreams, because they want to be connected to and with us but we are NOT taught to allow them in. A medium or psychic can help you FEEL the love and peace that those in the Afterlife have to offer if you are NOT AFRAID to be with your Mom again. Most folks are AFRAID of the Afterlife so it's up to you to connect or not. Once you realize your Mom is still right here and will always be right here, life may seem a little brighter and happier for you over on this side.
Good luck connecting with your mom..........

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by -NorthernLights-

Sometimes the 'aloneness' will surface at a time in your life experience where you necessarily need to spend more time focusing on 'you' and conducting important inner-work.

Like exploring non-duality, Advaita Vedanta and the age old question: Who/what am I? ....as was the case for Ramana Maharshi in India.

Sort of like the Universe puts you in a position where your external circumstances will be such that they contribute to you taking a certain course of action which has implications as it relates to your internal/spiritual growth.

It's been said that some folks are FORCED to become hermits or are isolated (in jail?) just to have the time and opportunity to FIND them selves.