Alone

[-NorthernLights-]

Sometimes the 'aloneness' will surface at a time in your life experience where you necessarily need to spend more time focusing on 'you' and conducting important inner-work. Sort of like the Universe puts you in a position where your external circumstances will be such that they contribute to you taking a certain course of action which has implications as it relates to your internal/spiritual growth. Try your best not to perceive what you are experiencing now with any sense of permanence - instead view it as a temporary condition or phase and allow for the possibility and likelihood that your internal & external circumstances will continue to change and be fluid...

[Baile]

Originally Posted by -NorthernLights-

Sometimes the 'aloneness' will surface at a time in your life experience where you necessarily need to spend more time focusing on 'you'

Nice advice. Applies to everything really, if it's happening in your life, embrace it as a means to examine the reason.

[ragdoll]

I went to a march on the 21st, maybe you heard of it...

But for the first time in forever I didn't feel alone. I was surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people, and had amazing conversations. I realized there were people concerned about humanity as I am. People who just wanted to be treated with respect and dignity. A lot of people were there for political reasons but the ones I spoke to...were like me. Adding a number to many because they were tired of a way of life that made them feel inferior.

I always felt that I was alone in this world, that there was no one like me. No kindred spirits, no one who felt as I felt, and thus I was weird and the things I thought and felt were crazy. Now I see I was wrong. It was such a fleeting moment of time in my life but I am so grateful. I want it to continue.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by ragdoll

I find myself completely alone at the moment. No true close friends. I find myself unwilling to have relationships with people who require me to give up a part of myself to "buy" their time and attention. I used to do that a lot. I've been conditioned to do that since I was a kid. Say sorry when I did nothing wrong to keep people close. Give up time that I didn't have, spend money I couldn't afford, do things I wasn't comfortable in doing, smiling when I was sad or depressed, ignore things people said and did that made me uncomfortable just to hang around someone, working too hard and overextending for people who just didn't care. Those were my choices and now I'm not making them anymore.

And I am alone.

I am glad I am not doing those things anymore, but it makes me wonder what the price for integrity is. When you show your true self, when you are genuine to yourself. It's no wonder so many people fake it and people please and sever themselves for others.

People say you can't expect life to come to you, you have to go out and meet it. But after so long of chasing life and pushing myself and going one step beyond, I'd like life to come my way just a little bit. People say when you let go of control then the way things are supposed to be just happens.

Am I supposed to be alone? Just tolerated and valued for what I can do for others? If there is no answer to that I'm just going to keep studying, working towards goals, and doing my best to be a good person. Is there any other choice?

I, too have been here and this existential isolation I feel is due to comparing/judging things by my own standards and personal upbringing.

Of course, having a realisation such as this and living a life which understands this is going to put a lot of people you once knew...almost everybody 'offside' with your current personality.

You feel like you are not 'being your true self' or 'being true to yourself' because you have to always walk on eggshells around them and accommodate them way too much because they are totally intolerant and unaccepting of who you are (to yourself, anyway).

Thing is, when this happens, it has happened and nothing you can do about your old/past situation, but move on and make NEW friends and acquaintances based on your whole new personality and outlook.

This is very difficult, but finding places of 'shared interest' is a start. If you are interested in gardening (for example) join a gardening club...if you are interested in Yoga, do a yoga course etc and you'll meet people you don't have to 'pretend' to be somebody you are not just to be around.

Such friendships are like a breath of fresh air and you can 'relax' around them. They are hard to find, few and far between...they are the 'diamonds' among the 'rocks' and once found, their friendship lasts a lifetime (or many more).

All the best.

In one sense we're all alone - individuals - we can never share experiences though we recognise similar experiences. People seek acknowledgement of their existence by being recognised: small talk, chat, non-hostility to each other which to me isn't the same as "friend". Or we transact with each other, discuss things, exchange things (and it saddens me that increasingly I'm expected to pay for things using machines, which I refuse). The world is about people.

But we're conditioned to be able to interact, customs, language and things -
which doesn't make us less alone just means that individuals have a common vocabulary/repertoire to interact.

I'm happy being alone. I don't confuse it with being lonely which is if I remained unacknowledged or no one to turn to to discuss something. Alone, I can retreat into a kind of purity of Self. People come and go into my life as I do in theirs at various intensities and duration.

[DoctorStrange]

Originally Posted by ragdoll

I find myself completely alone at the moment. No true close friends. I find myself unwilling to have relationships with people who require me to give up a part of myself to "buy" their time and attention. I used to do that a lot. I've been conditioned to do that since I was a kid. Say sorry when I did nothing wrong to keep people close. Give up time that I didn't have, spend money I couldn't afford, do things I wasn't comfortable in doing, smiling when I was sad or depressed, ignore things people said and did that made me uncomfortable just to hang around someone, working too hard and overextending for people who just didn't care. Those were my choices and now I'm not making them anymore.

And I am alone.

I am glad I am not doing those things anymore, but it makes me wonder what the price for integrity is. When you show your true self, when you are genuine to yourself. It's no wonder so many people fake it and people please and sever themselves for others.

People say you can't expect life to come to you, you have to go out and meet it. But after so long of chasing life and pushing myself and going one step beyond, I'd like life to come my way just a little bit. People say when you let go of control then the way things are supposed to be just happens.

Am I supposed to be alone? Just tolerated and valued for what I can do for others? If there is no answer to that I'm just going to keep studying, working towards goals, and doing my best to be a good person. Is there any other choice?

I know how that feels.
Being comfortable with yourself in isolation is a good step to take. But yes, at some point we all want to have someone, be it friends or lovers.

[lilith]

Originally Posted by ragdoll

Yep. Same here. I don't know what it is but I'm tired of it.

I completely know how you feel. I've been there and still am from time to time. The key is that as much as it sounds like a cliché, it is the truth, and that is, you create your reality. Until you realize it, accept it, not only believe it in, you, and me, will still feel somewhat lost, alone or whatever we want to feel sorry for ourselves. It's so unnecessary and such a waste of energy. We're blessed and we have everything, but we're still blind and ungrateful. It's all ego talk. I don't want to be harsh, but it is what it is. An illusion, a choice, just how it is in our perception and not what it really is. So being aware is the first step into truly applying this concept to your life. Like others said, once you put that attention on yourself and discover how amazing you are, everything around you will change. People will come, love will appear and many other things start to happen to align with how you vibrate. Don't give up on yourself. Blessings.

[Hemera]

I relate to this too. I'm pretty much alone but not always lonely; it varies. I struggle in a world where superficiality seems to be the order of the day for most people. I want to be open and genuine but it seems many people aren't able to connect at that level.

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Branflakes0609

It's crazy how alone we could feel surrounded by people who love us. I'm not sure what it is either. I have become antisocial. Not completely though. I do the whole fake thing too. On the inside, I feel so different. I feel the human race is like a robotic system and I do not want to live like that. I want to be free.
I have 'friends' but I don't feel important to them. When they have issues, they do not come to me. So I don't feel NEEDED. That's a major thing for me. I used to pay for my friends too. If I needed someone to talk to I would take them out to eat. I didn't have a place they could come chill with me or I didn't feel comfortable where they lived. So it was convenient for us to go out to eat. But of course they didn't have money that they could spend so TA DA I would pay. I love deeply and would do anything for my friends. But the feelings were not mutual.
I'm engaged but even around my man, I feel alone. It's as if he doesn't get me. He does, but in my eyes, I am somehow blinded and cannot see that. He has supported anything I want to do, yet I feel like we are miles apart. I still feel alone. He has been there 100% of the way, but I still feel like a snowman in a snow globe cut off from the rest of the world.
I feel the darkness will be over soon. I feel the loneliness for me is a way for me to grow. Maybe becoming independent. For me, I sometimes feel what others feel so I've never really become to know myself. I like what others like, hate what others hate. So it's time to know me. If I must be lonely in order for me to do that, so be it. I don't know what the case may be for anyone else but just stay positive! :) The storm will be over someday and you will see that beautiful rainbow. I believe everything happens for a reason and every fall in life is a lesson.
Hope everyone has a wonderful day! :) Good luck to you all!

First off, I like this thread, ragdoll. Takes a little bravery to talk about this stuff.

I totally do get the thing about the human race being robotic, yeah. Sad but true!

And there was a time when I was the one paying the tab but now am happy to be alone, except for the dear sweet internet. I belong to 3 spiritual type forums including a laid back Buddhist forum and it keeps me in people, ha ha ha. Like the Buddha would say, or Jesus or whoever, "This too shall pass."

[Hemera]

Originally Posted by -NorthernLights-

Sometimes the 'aloneness' will surface at a time in your life experience where you necessarily need to spend more time focusing on 'you' and conducting important inner-work. Sort of like the Universe puts you in a position where your external circumstances will be such that they contribute to you taking a certain course of action which has implications as it relates to your internal/spiritual growth. Try your best not to perceive what you are experiencing now with any sense of permanence - instead view it as a temporary condition or phase and allow for the possibility and likelihood that your internal & external circumstances will continue to change and be fluid...

Sometimes it seems that people's entire lives are supposed to be spent this way, no matter how hard they may wish for it to be otherwise...