What if... I'm just crazy :(

[Seenthelight]

So we met 10 years ago, in a work situation. Within a few months I felt this strong attraction - a pull from him which I did my best to ignore. Then he got under my skin, in my veins and right into my soul. After 2.5 years I had to leave to put distance between us because we are both in long term relationships/marriage & family with other people.

After I left, I fell into the dark night of the soul but the period of growth and learning since - I can't even begin to explain. I am transformed, I have done a lot of work etc etc.

And now he is in my head and heart almost 24/7. There are days that the feeling is so intense that I do wonder if it is ALL me or whether I am picking up on him.

But what if this is all nonsense (really? with so many others sharing so very similar stories??), what if we aren't connected and it is just me losing my sanity - or rather, I lost it a good while ago.

Does any of this make sense? It's early and I'm about to rush off out to a meeting, just wanted to throw it out there really.

I feel strongly like I 'just know', but have I built up this belief over the years because it is the only one I like (I have looked at limerence but it did not fit so much as this). Am I just running away from my everyday life by constantly thinking about this man who I call my twin flame (even though I used to refuse to call him that).

It FEELS REAL. It feels like nothing else on this earth. I think about him and feel so very different to anything - and I felt transformed when I met my husband, that was a huge awakener for me in itself. But THIS, this is something else.

Yet we aren't meant to be together - not now and possibly not in this lifetime. Which is okay, right. I'm fine with that. But its the constant thoughts, the constant feeling of 'being connected' to someone with whom I only rarely share maybe a facebook post or brief message.

I invited him for coffee just over 2 weeks ago - let's catch up, it would be good. He sent a 'thumbs up'. I mentioned about when I might be free, gave him my number, he said he was busy working one particular day. That's all fine. I said call me when you are free.

But I get the sense that he is scared - scared of what his gf might think if he met me for coffee, scared of what I might say to him too. He has a lot of learning to do and I know to respect that and leave him be. I am doing that, I'm not pushing. I also feel quite strongly that things are not right between him and his gf of 20 years. But again - what if that is all just me. BUt I feel it.

I don't know what to do right now other than to just breathe through it and carry on. Patience.
(thanks for reading!)