Mental healing

[RoseQuartz]

Lately I have been such an agry person!!!! Even now. I don't know why I am turning into a person who is always in a bad mood. For some reason I feel like people are always trying to out-do me even though I know that is not true and that I should feel happy for others. There are a few things that I rightfully should be angry about. I helped my neighbor out by letting her put a bunch of stuff in my yard sale and she helped me in return by boxing things up when I was done. But during it, she randomly started saying terrible things about my family. This was out of the blue! Then her daughter told me I could have a recliner that didn't sell because it was a nice one and I was trading her some bar stools. The neighbor came back over and told me that I had to pay for them even after her adult daughter GAVE them to me. I stood my ground politely but it's cases like that, that make me feel that everyone is out to get me. Then I see people who want things for free....they are so picky about what they want that it drives me crazy. I'm 29 and I was taught growing up that beggars can't be choosers and it just boggles my mind that people who have nothing can be so picky! I don't understand it. I think I have a lot of mental baggage and I don't know how to get rid of it. I ended a relationship which I was so thankful to get out of and feel great about that. So what is wrong with me!? There is some healing that needs to happen but I really don't even know where to start. I don't feel good about myself for one. That needs to change. But the anger? I just don't understand it. It drains me. I saw a psychologist about it and all he did was talk about himself and his motorcycle. So I stopped going. I told him how I felt about it too. I think a lot of this anger stems from my mom favoring my sister even though I support my mom and do everything for her. My sister doesnt do anything but sit on her butt and I get pushed to the back. I guess I do have a lot of baggage.

How the heck do I get rid of it? I am desperate.

[LilMariposa85]

I find writing to be really therapeutic. Livejournal.com is a great site because you can make your journal entries public, or hide it to where only you can see it. Perhaps it might help to write a scathing letter to the people that anger you the most, without actually send it to them. Then when you feel like you are purged of those emotions..........delete the entry. I've done that so many times. I got my feelings down and if they were especially negative, I knew I didn't want to go back and read them later, so I figured it wasn't worth keeping up.

As for the thing with your mom and sister........don't stop what you are doing. Keep doing things for people without expectation because you generate good karma that way and it will come back to you. Take your mom out for coffee or something and talk to her about your sister.I'm pretty sure there is more to it than you think. Perhaps your sister is abusive when you aren't around and seems to get what she wants because of it. Unless you live under her roof, you don't see everything going on.Perhaps it would appear that you are "pushed to the back," because you are a productive citizen of society which would certainly not be something to feel bad about and your mom might assume that you don't need her help as much but she most likely needs YOU.

Also a big part of the reason you have so much baggage is because you don't release it. You bottle it up. It might be a good time to stop.

[Teal]

Do you have someone a friend who you can share thus with. I find talking to a trusted person helps a lot.It is a way to release. Writing in a journal can help too.

[RoseQuartz]

I think the journal thing is a great idea. I do talk about it with a friend but I still feel bad at the end of the day. I held on to way more baggage during september but I wrote everything down that I did not like and that I wanted to change. EVREYTHING. I said a prayer, and set the list on fire. It worked. Those feelings I had before I wrote that list are gone. Maybe I should do that again.

[Michelle11]

I am dealing with my own anger issues so I really have no practical advice to make it go away but will say I do keep a journal myself. And if the burning worked keep doing it. The message I have gotten from my higher was first to have faith. Faith that you can and will turn things around. Second, set an intention. Intend to find a way out of the anger and you will be led to a solution and healing. But be gentle with yourself as you work through it because these things take time to clear so it won't happen over night. Glad to hear you dumped your therapist. I would suspect most don't spend their time talking about themselves. Seems highly unprofessional to me. I sense this has something to do with standing your ground which it sounds like you are starting to do. Stay strong. You will figure this out.

[Native spirit]

Hey LittleWolf,

You need to speak to a counsellor they will help you to find the tools within yourself to help you,
not all counsellors are going to suit everyone.its finding the right one for yourself. you are crying out for help you have issues in your life that need resolving.i know what it feels like to do everything and get no help in return.but I am a giver not a taker,
you need to speak to a counsellor who will understand what you need, don't give up they are out there,
I will send Healing and positive thoughts to you

Namaste

[RoseQuartz]

Thank you all :) I went to a birthday party with my 5 year old last night and I could feel things relaxing. Screaming 5 year olds don't bother me at all, I sort of like the sound of the kids having fun and doing their own little thing. But I felt a part of me, a negative part, release while I was there. I don't know what it was that caused that to happen but I do feel a bit better :) I have an appointment with another counselor and it's a woman this time and I will make it clear to her that I am there for me and no one else.

[sapphyretwins]

Originally Posted by littlewolf0911

Thank you all :) I went to a birthday party with my 5 year old last night and I could feel things relaxing. Screaming 5 year olds don't bother me at all, I sort of like the sound of the kids having fun and doing their own little thing. But I felt a part of me, a negative part, release while I was there. I don't know what it was that caused that to happen but I do feel a bit better :) I have an appointment with another counselor and it's a woman this time and I will make it clear to her that I am there for me and no one else.

That's great progress! Keep up the good work!

Hello dear littlewolf0911: I am so glad you posted this. And way to go for the burning the angry thoughts document! That is a very good way to let stuff go!

Also ... looking at anger healing in a holistic way, I'd like to suggest you also include anger release strategies through physical, emotional, and spiritual channels as well as mental (writing angry thoughts on a paper or journal).

Anger can be such an intense energy, especially when bottled up. try releasing some of that energy physically - a good work out (to whatever fitness level you are comfortably capable of) helps. Draw the anger into your awareness while exercising then visualize it coming out through your breath or sweat or muscle contractions. Squeeze it out, pant it out, leak it out.

Sometimes anger is a cover-up for grief and sorrow, so having a good cry helps. Sounds so cliché but it works for me. I'll think I am angry about something when really deep down I am sad over something. I will intentionally watch a tear-jerker movie and ball my face off - I feel sooo good after. I don't have to even "know" what I am crying about - it's the act of crying and releasing stored up emotion through tears and sobs that is important.

And spiritual release - praying and telling your Higher Power how you feel and what you need helps. (It's hard to lie to Creator, which is what I call my Higher Power!) Asking for the anger (and hurt) to be taken from you, telling your HP you are prepared to let it go. Walking on the earth bare foot, gazing at nature and all the little relations we share this planet with, lying face down on the grass and soaking up the loving energy of the earth - again, all unconscious of specific thoughts (which can end up on the tread wheel of the mind, making us chase them in circles) but allowing the release of negative energy/emotion and opening to the healing of the natural world and the spiritual flow.

As to the motorcycling psychologist - yeah, there are unhelpful therapists out there. That was a real bust, eh? Like Native Spirit said, we have to try a few therapists/counsellors out until we find one who matches our needs and healing style. So don't give up on getting professional help for yourself. I wonder if a family therapist might help, given you indicate part of your situation is with a mother and a sister and your feelings of being pushed to the back. Family dynamics can make us crazy! Understanding the effects our family dynamics have on us can help us heal the unhealthy patterns we grew up with.

Hope you continue to find helpful ways to heal and release!

[jusmail]

A little bit of meditation also would help. Sending you healing thoughts and energy your way