jealousy

[august2803]

Hey guys! I have a big problem with jealousy its the only thought so and say that bothers me all the time i feel good and BOOM i think of my girlfriend being more interested in my friends and oher guys etc. When i was younger one of my friends made out with a girl i was in love with and sort of dating. I dont know why i have this problem she tells me she wants me so much and yet i dont trust her, i have insane trust issues it seems like and maybe low self worth.

Can you please help me? i would love to get some thoughts on how i can fix this, thank you:)

[shoni7510]

You are right jealousy is linked to your self esteem. The incident you talk about when your friend made out with your "girl" is contributing to this. You may have to see a professional therapist who can assist you.

[A human Being]

Yeah, I think it stems from an underlying feeling of inadequacy, feeling like you need to possess this person in order to be complete. Of course we're already complete and whole as we are, but very often that doesn't stop us feeling like we aren't - I know this all too well myself, I've felt intense feelings of jealousy and possessiveness in the past.

What helps me is to shift my attention - out of my mind and into my body. If you stay stuck in your mind, nothing will really be resolved, even if you try to rationalise it, or try to kid yourself that it doesn't really bother you (good rule of thumb here, courtesy of Eckhart Tolle: If thought and feeling are in conflict, the thought is the lie). So when those jealous thoughts arise, shift your attention to your body and see if you can locate a specific point of contraction (I would usually feel it in the pit of my stomach, though it might be different for you). If you manage to locate it, be still and keep your attention there, without trying to 'fix' the contraction or in any way try to get rid of it, as that only generates more resistance and compounds the issue. Your attention might wander and you might find yourself lost in jealous/possessive/angry/despairing thoughts - that's fine, that's what minds tend to do. Just bring your attention back to what you're feeling, and remember that patience is a virtue

If you feel like you're being overwhelmed by agitation/discomfort, etc., you might find it useful to do something physical - I do a short yoga routine for 5-10 minutes, or I'll go for a walk, but whatever works for you really. It's just good to get moving, get the blood flowing, so that your energy doesn't stagnate.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by august2803

Hey guys! I have a big problem with jealousy its the only thought so and say that bothers me all the time i feel good and BOOM i think of my girlfriend being more interested in my friends and oher guys etc. When i was younger one of my friends made out with a girl i was in love with and sort of dating. I dont know why i have this problem she tells me she wants me so much and yet i dont trust her, i have insane trust issues it seems like and maybe low self worth.

Can you please help me? i would love to get some thoughts on how i can fix this, thank you:)

Google: Self esteem work and get busy fixing yours. Bad self esteem and self contempt are the CAUSES of chronic jealously. You are insecure so that forces you to look down on others with jealousy, fear, anger, contempt, distrust and many other negative behaviors. A secure, self respecting person will NEVER be jealous of anyone or anything.
good luck

[Clover]

Hi August,

What you are feeling is very much normal. They are fear base feelings tied to the minds fixated thoughts and misperceptions. These feelings we call 'jealousy' are most likely stored and unresolved emotional energy. These feelings are likely rising to surface to teach you something about yourself that needs to be healed and transmuted.

When i was younger one of my friends made out with a girl i was in love with and sort of dating

This is probably the emotional energy your still fostering, and in some form you need to find a technique to make peace with it, healing meditation or looking up self esteem techniques like the others suggested may also work. AHB gave good tips as well.

Also, I am sure you may already have, but it may help to let her know how you feel too, relationships require A lot of communication and being vulnerable and open to discussing these deep rooted insecurities/feelings

[august2803]

thanks!
so i should mention i looked up a lot of dating advice and the focus a lot on what you have to do if you dont she will cheeat etc and it is impossible to keep up with all those factors. i think its fearbased marketing and for me to keep up with the advise. im walking around trying to be an impossible person to be:( will she cheeat? etc..:(

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Clover

Also, I am sure you may already have, but it may help to let her know how you feel too, relationships require A lot of communication and being vulnerable and open to discussing these deep rooted insecurities/feelings

This is excellent advice, honesty really is the best policy.