I miss the old him

[imawonderer]

I miss him ..the old him before I found out he still does drugs and I can text him but he won't reply to me last time we spoken was few weeks or more ago and he sent me the text
"I'm drunk and that's why I'm saying this. And it's the honest truth. I'm so sorry for my behaviour. I am dealing with so much and I didn't see you because I was so scared and I felt that I shouldn't. You don't deserve this u have been so nice to me. What I did was not cool. I can't justify my behaviour but I can tell you that I'm dealing with plenty and I did not ignore you because you're not good enough it's purely that I'm all over the place. I'm very unstable and I'm not someone u should care about. again so sorry and just know you're beautiful and awesome. I'm a **** just allow me you know. Again sorry. It's best if we just leave things like this atleast for a while."
I know this happened awhile ago but I just started thinking he didn't even read the message I replied to him which kinda hurts..I'm just worried and want to know if he's okay but I won't know ..sorry this is me venting ..

Feel so helpless..

I know it's probably for the best but still

[mystical]

he probably didnt want to feel any more guilty than he already did . like having a cut that scabs over . the more u pick it the more it bleeds . he probably felt he made some kind of peace through writing that message stating his honest feelings . even if he was drunk . but hey we tell the truth when drunk... somewhere inside of him he obvs got some kind of peaceful closure . and wanted you to get the same too . which is really nice considering some are hoping for one day the same thing . to read your reply he obvs knew would pull at his strings and him just feeling the pain over and over . which by the way is YOUR pain and anguish amplified with his . twins feel eachother so whatever he is facing emotionally and mentaly by himself . hes also feeling all of yours on top of his own . the message he sent is one of hope . it means he respects you enough to be honest and right now he cannot open himself up to loving you completely because he doesnt love himself . he knows true love was staring him in the face looking right into his soul . but life has taught us that loving someone and being one with them brings loss . its easier for them to walk away than it would be for them to open their hearts to love and then to have you taken away from them . the way to know if he is ok... is to know that your ok . if your struggling he will be too . so work on you to enable him to heal . know that you dont have to feel helpless we choose what we are . you think your helpless you become it . right now life is taking you both in other directions . true love setsd someone free to enable them to go off and find themself. one day he will . or maybe he wnt . thats his choice . freewill . so respect that and smile . knowing that u believe in him and if u believe in him and know that he can come thro this difficult patch by having faith you help to heal him :) TIME . thats all it takes .

[imawonderer]

Originally Posted by mystical

he probably didnt want to feel any more guilty than he already did . like having a cut that scabs over . the more u pick it the more it bleeds . he probably felt he made some kind of peace through writing that message stating his honest feelings . even if he was drunk . but hey we tell the truth when drunk... somewhere inside of him he obvs got some kind of peaceful closure . and wanted you to get the same too . which is really nice considering some are hoping for one day the same thing . to read your reply he obvs knew would pull at his strings and him just feeling the pain over and over . which by the way is YOUR pain and anguish amplified with his . twins feel eachother so whatever he is facing emotionally and mentaly by himself . hes also feeling all of yours on top of his own . the message he sent is one of hope . it means he respects you enough to be honest and right now he cannot open himself up to loving you completely because he doesnt love himself . he knows true love was staring him in the face looking right into his soul . but life has taught us that loving someone and being one with them brings loss . its easier for them to walk away than it would be for them to open their hearts to love and then to have you taken away from them . the way to know if he is ok... is to know that your ok . if your struggling he will be too . so work on you to enable him to heal . know that you dont have to feel helpless we choose what we are . you think your helpless you become it . right now life is taking you both in other directions . true love setsd someone free to enable them to go off and find themself. one day he will . or maybe he wnt . thats his choice . freewill . so respect that and smile . knowing that u believe in him and if u believe in him and know that he can come thro this difficult patch by having faith you help to heal him :) TIME . thats all it takes .

Thank you. Before that text he just rectory started talking again because he came back because he has missed me and since his dad passed away and his mum became sick so he had to travel out the country and that's why he's so all over saying how he has no one here ..

St start he was saying how he wanted to build something together but when we had a chat and told him how he needs to learn to take care of himself he kinda changed his mind.and during that conversation it also at aspects tried to talk himself out of it ..he said "I'm no good I swear on my late father" I don't know to be honest he's just confused

I appreciate you for replying xxx

[mystical]

awww . he knows your there if he needs you . just keep the lines of communciation open . be his friend right now give him space and he come to you when hes ready . one thing twins do appreciate is time and space and to work through things to make their own choices .

[imawonderer]

Originally Posted by mystical

awww . he knows your there if he needs you . just keep the lines of communciation open . be his friend right now give him space and he come to you when hes ready . one thing twins do appreciate is time and space and to work through things to make their own choices .

Thank you..

It's funny he has texted me today when I was in really good mood but getting a text from him got me kinda down don't know why "That's so kind of you. It's appreciated. I'm actually doing great at the moment. Started working as ------------ and moving to a new place in --------. Things are picking up thanks. Hope you're okay."

And I replied "ooh okay that's good to hear!!im glad you're okay"

That's how our conversation ended

[Holly]

Originally Posted by imawonderer

I miss him ..the old him before I found out he still does drugs and I can text him but he won't reply to me last time we spoken was few weeks or more ago and he sent me the text
"I'm drunk and that's why I'm saying this. And it's the honest truth. I'm so sorry for my behaviour. I am dealing with so much and I didn't see you because I was so scared and I felt that I shouldn't. You don't deserve this u have been so nice to me. What I did was not cool. I can't justify my behaviour but I can tell you that I'm dealing with plenty and I did not ignore you because you're not good enough it's purely that I'm all over the place. I'm very unstable and I'm not someone u should care about. again so sorry and just know you're beautiful and awesome. I'm a **** just allow me you know. Again sorry. It's best if we just leave things like this atleast for a while."
I know this happened awhile ago but I just started thinking he didn't even read the message I replied to him which kinda hurts..I'm just worried and want to know if he's okay but I won't know ..sorry this is me venting ..

Feel so helpless..

I know it's probably for the best but still

That's a sweet message but (You may want to kill me for saying so) it sounds a little like he secretly wants to bounce off you...you know...I'm such a horrible man, I'm awful to you, PLEASE tell me otherwise.

Anyway, that's upto you to judge but the MOST IMPORTANT thing I want to say to you is;

MOST PEOPLE WHO ARE ON DRUGS (uncontrolled and not in rehab) CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

We have a druggie in the family. Most of the family has cut him off. He's emotionally co-dependant, manipulative and destructive. Yes he loves us but we can't trust him to love us responsibly. The drugs make him unpredictable and unsafe.

I understand the draw to be close to your twin, but if he's on drugs you (IMO) need to run as far and fast as you can until he cleans himself up. Unless you want to get dragged down with him, that is. Some people can be on drugs and NOT do that to their family but in the vast majority of cases in my extensive experience of druggies (and drunks!) they drag anyone down who will get close enough.

Do NOT pity him. When you pity a person like that they see a way into your wallet via sentiment. Before you know it he'll be lending money and sleeping on the couch.

Obviously you have to judge for yourself, these are bad-case scenarios (not worst, worst is much, MUCH worse) but my advice is TF or not; BE CAREFUL.

Don't fall into the trap of feeling it's your job to clean him up and "help him." (And remember druggies tend to go through up/down moods a bit like a bi polar person as they get high vs come down. Their moods aren't always REAL. Depends what he's on. His last text may have just been sent while he was high.)

[imawonderer]

Originally Posted by Holly

That's a sweet message but (You may want to kill me for saying so) it sounds a little like he secretly wants to bounce off you...you know...I'm such a horrible man, I'm awful to you, PLEASE tell me otherwise.

Anyway, that's upto you to judge but the MOST IMPORTANT thing I want to say to you is;

MOST PEOPLE WHO ARE ON DRUGS (uncontrolled and not in rehab) CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

We have a druggie in the family. Most of the family has cut him off. He's emotionally co-dependant, manipulative and destructive. Yes he loves us but we can't trust him to love us responsibly. The drugs make him unpredictable and unsafe.

I understand the draw to be close to your twin, but if he's on drugs you (IMO) need to run as far and fast as you can until he cleans himself up. Unless you want to get dragged down with him, that is. Some people can be on drugs and NOT do that to their family but in the vast majority of cases in my extensive experience of druggies (and drunks!) they drag anyone down who will get close enough.

Do NOT pity him. When you pity a person like that they see a way into your wallet via sentiment. Before you know it he'll be lending money and sleeping on the couch.

Obviously you have to judge for yourself, these are bad-case scenarios (not worst, worst is much, MUCH worse) but my advice is TF or not; BE CAREFUL.

Don't fall into the trap of feeling it's your job to clean him up and "help him." (And remember druggies tend to go through up/down moods a bit like a bi polar person as they get high vs come down. Their moods aren't always REAL. Depends what he's on. His last text may have just been sent while he was high.)

Yeah that's okay I understand that .but I'm not that type of person to say things like "no you're not bad person" because we had a conversation before and I have told him off before and he just kept apologising.

I don't know have never been in this type of situation before and never known someone who is on drugs .

To be honest I'm just moving on with my life and not holding much hope ..when I get a text from him it hurts for some reason but other then that I'm doing my own thing and talking to other guys..

(Oh he did/does cocaine)

Thank you for the message ..I appreciate it!xx

[Holly]

Originally Posted by imawonderer

Yeah that's okay I understand that .but I'm not that type of person to say things like "no you're not bad person" because we had a conversation before and I have told him off before and he just kept apologising.

I don't know have never been in this type of situation before and never known someone who is on drugs .

To be honest I'm just moving on with my life and not holding much hope ..when I get a text from him it hurts for some reason but other then that I'm doing my own thing and talking to other guys..

(Oh he did/does cocaine)

Thank you for the message ..I appreciate it!xx

I grew up around someone on drugs. He became more and more separated from reality, got paranoid and started suffering delusions. In the end I had to cut him off entirely, because much as he loved his family, including me, he wasn't safe to be around.

Coke is no joke. It changes how a person relates to the world. Most drugs do.

I also meant to say (and I don't mean to scare you, it's just I've been there) don't go into his house whatever you do and NEVER agree to visit his "friends" houses unless you know the people well! If you're of legal age and you get caught by the law in the same house as someone dealing or using illegal drugs, you may get charged for a crime as the police could consider you complicit. Raids on dealers houses are very common. And very frightening to be involved, even as an onlooker. They bash down the door and come in truncheons swinging and people can easily get caught up in the fray who have nothing to do with the drugs. They don't always differentiate between men and women. Women have been knocked out or hurt seriously during raids.

I've known of drug users being raided too, without a dealer present, especially if a group use together. I've known police officers push 9 month pregnant women up against the wall with a truncheon against the throat to get information. If you're underage when a raid happens you may also get a juvenile record (IF you were involved, which is a long process to prove but VERY stressful and scary for you while they investigate!)

Also, even having drugs on your person, even cocaine residue on your clothes or under your fingernails etc is very damning. EVEN if you only passed it to him over the table! Even selling some of your own supply to a friend with a discount could be considered supplying illegal drugs. So if you were around during that sort of transaction you become a witness OR an "accessory" to crime.

I know you probably wont be in the same house as him right now but just to make you aware, if he gets caught in his home or outside of it, and you're with him, many officers would assume you are his dealer. Or his girlfriend. In which case they'd consider you to be likely complicit and they can ask you to provide various samples and subject you to a search too (incl. a cavity search!)

This is why I say stay well away. People on drugs will drag you into their world even if they don't mean to. All it takes is to get stopped whle driving with drugs in your system, to be forced to take a blood test and WHAM. Your life changes maybe forever. Anyway, enough from me. I hope you get this sorted out with him, but MORE I hope he gets himself straight.

[imawonderer]

Originally Posted by Holly

I grew up around someone on drugs. He became more and more separated from reality, got paranoid and started suffering delusions. In the end I had to cut him off entirely, because much as he loved his family, including me, he wasn't safe to be around.

Coke is no joke. It changes how a person relates to the world. Most drugs do.

I also meant to say (and I don't mean to scare you, it's just I've been there) don't go into his house whatever you do and NEVER agree to visit his "friends" houses unless you know the people well! If you're of legal age and you get caught by the law in the same house as someone dealing or using illegal drugs, you may get charged for a crime as the police could consider you complicit. Raids on dealers houses are very common. And very frightening to be involved, even as an onlooker. They bash down the door and come in truncheons swinging and people can easily get caught up in the fray who have nothing to do with the drugs. They don't always differentiate between men and women. Women have been knocked out or hurt seriously during raids.

I've known of drug users being raided too, without a dealer present, especially if a group use together. I've known police officers push 9 month pregnant women up against the wall with a truncheon against the throat to get information. If you're underage when a raid happens you may also get a juvenile record (IF you were involved, which is a long process to prove but VERY stressful and scary for you while they investigate!)

Also, even having drugs on your person, even cocaine residue on your clothes or under your fingernails etc is very damning. EVEN if you only passed it to him over the table! Even selling some of your own supply to a friend with a discount could be considered supplying illegal drugs. So if you were around during that sort of transaction you become a witness OR an "accessory" to crime.

I know you probably wont be in the same house as him right now but just to make you aware, if he gets caught in his home or outside of it, and you're with him, many officers would assume you are his dealer. Or his girlfriend. In which case they'd consider you to be likely complicit and they can ask you to provide various samples and subject you to a search too (incl. a cavity search!)

This is why I say stay well away. People on drugs will drag you into their world even if they don't mean to. All it takes is to get stopped whle driving with drugs in your system, to be forced to take a blood test and WHAM. Your life changes maybe forever. Anyway, enough from me. I hope you get this sorted out with him, but MORE I hope he gets himself straight.

Thank you I appreciate you for writing all of that !!

But we don't speak that much anymore and he previously said it's because he don't want to involve me with all his things ..so we haven't spoken much ..and he texted me yesterday and told me he is doing much better but I didn't want to carry on conversation much so I just told him I'm glad to hear it and that was it ..there's no point me getting hopes up and dragging all of it on..

Thank you again xxxxx

[shoni7510]

If you can reach a point where talking or texting with him does not hurt you so much you will be home free. What you need is to get over him thoroughly and you can do that one step at a time. He is not the kind of person that you should invest your heart and energy to. Good luck with everything.