I put my dog to sleep last week and something very strange happened

Hi all. I need a little help here with something that happened to me when I put my dog to sleep. Long post, but please help if you can. I'm struggling to make sense of it.

Here's a little relevant background.

I had 3 dogs, 2 weimaraners and a beagle. Macy was one of the weims and incredibly bonded to me and me to her. She had a very intense spirit and the loudest bark and followed me everywhere. To say we had a strong connection is a little bit of an understatement. You get the idea.

I have synesthsia. I 'see' numbers as colours. I mention this because I don't know if what happened has anything to do with that.

Anyway, as these things go and as heartbreaking as it is, it was time to put Macy down. She was almost 14 and very sick. So we're at the vet, me and my husband, Macy is laying down and I'm kneeling next to her, holding her head. The vet starts administering the drug and her head starts to tip back and she's fading fast. Now this is where something very strange happens.

I'm obviously a crying mess as this is going on. Just as she's putting her head down I cry out "I love you Macy" and I can't believe it's happening. Then... my vision cuts out. It still feels like my eyes are still open (I definitely didn't pass out or anything) but all I see is this muted gold colour background. I'm not crying anymore. Then it feels like a wet blanket is lifted off me and I suddenly feel an enormous sense of relief and peace. My initial thought was 'oh, ok' and then I see the words IT'S DONE at the top of this muted gold background in black letters. Almost just as these words appear I hear it spoken to me, and loudly, but not like yelling or angry or anything, it was just loud. No inflection and I really can't say if it was a male or female voice... it was just said. I did not at any time think about what was happening at the vet's; in fact I just accepted this new 'reality' and I was so perfectly ok with it. Then my vision cuts back and I'm right back to where I was, cradling Macy in my arms and she's gone.

Keep in mind all that happened in maybe 2 seconds. It was very quick. I think. At least no one in the room seemed concerned with anything other than what was obviously going on. When it was over I didn't even acknowledge it, I just continued with what was going on at the vet's. I didn't even stop to think about it until later in the evening and it struck me something very strange happened.

I don't have any words or descriptors for any of that. I've never heard voices in my head before. I've told my boyfriend about what happened and while it's interesting he can't offer any insight and I have no one to talk about it, and I'm just floundering here. This happened about a week and a half ago and I miss Macy so, so much. I haven't felt her presence since that day either, and somehow I'm disappointed.

Can anyone help me? What happened? I really want to believe she passed through me on her way over but... I've never thought about any of that before. It was so unexpected. Did she?

[PeteC-UK]

Hi Folks..

Macy; "I don't have any words or descriptors for any of that."

YES,you do - Love,Soul,Compassion,Unity

I know that bond you describe very well - I posted somethng very similar my Self recently..Its amazing experience when time pauses ike that isnt it..?..We become fully present,all filters removed...And so,you experienced the full reality of the moment,FROM that eternal perspective of Soul..To my understanding,a dog - espeically one we nurture as a family member - has an etrnal spirit,a Soul,that is like our own,except it choses a different form to express it Self,as a dog - that is th eonly difference..We take the dog a pet,bond with it ON that Soul level,beause we have recognised its TRUE nature hiddden beneath the fur,just as our true nature is hidden beneeath the skin..

[Jenny Crow]

Beautiful explanation PeteC-UK.....how well you put it PeteC-UK

So sorry for your loss Macy_Marie. I think she was also letting you know that she was OK.

That is really beautiful PeteC-UK and thank you for that. I just wish I could have found some sort of peace from that experience and not this tangle of emotions I'm mired in now. You'd think that's what would happen, no? It's still relatively early and I know I'm grieving... I just wish she'd come back. For years I'd make her promise she'd come back to haunt me when this day came lol.

Thanks Jenny_Crow. It's all so very difficult.

[*whitefeather]

Hi Macy_Marie, I'm sorry for your loss. I think she is fine though. She was a 'protective friend', so your loss is great ... understandable. If you have asked her to come back to you, and as your bond was strong, she will probably do so, and you will know. My dog has made an appearance a number of times, even tripping my feet. (I put her down a few years ago and had an experience at the vets too). I'm sure my dog and yours are on the other side getting acquainted.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Macy_Marie.

[desert rat]

It does sound like you went in to some kind of altered state of consciousness .

Thanks all. Whitefeather, thanks for mentioning something happened to you too. One of the most frustrating things is not being able to really talk to anyone about it or have anyone else to relate to.

[Tobi]

First of all, I am very sorry for the loss in physical life, of your dear Macy. Yes, they live on in spirit, yes they still love us...but we still miss them in life -of course we do.
Their living on in spirit is a very real and very tangible thing by the way. They are not some ethereal cloud of wispy stuff, they are real live dogs, and also spirits in their own right. As they adjust to their new lives there they really come into their own, as do all spirits who return.

It's possible that what happened to you was caused by that extreme sensitivity to other realities, which we often experience when something very profound is happening which takes us out of ourselves, and away from ego.

You might have briefly shared in Macy's own experience at that moment. You are very bonded. That wouldn't be beyond the realms of possibility. There is a tremendous relief when a Soul leaves a sick, painful and old body. No more pain is felt and there is a sense of freedom.

[sea-dove]

I shared my aunts death and a very beautiful golden light appeared which drew us (and her into it, she vanished into it). I believe you did experience some of what was happening to your dog. Dont forget that peace that was felt (I felt that when my aunt died too, the golden light gave out that feeling too).

Sounds like a guide or your higher self tried to further calm you with words.

Ive found that animals (in my case cats) do come back. Remember time is different where they first go to so it may take a while for your dog to appear back if he does to you.