Mother close, father not, why?

Both of parents have been dead for quite awhile. My father died in 1981 and my mother in 1991. I was very close to my father but our relationship was not healthy at all. I had a very bad relationship with my mother while she was alive.

When my father died, I was aware of his spirit for three days following his death. It was vivid and traumatic. About five years later I had another intrusive encounter with his spirit in which he professed to be pleading with me to get my mother (who was not yet passed) to quit smoking.

But since then, no dad. Nada. Nothing. Not even if I have a direct question.

On the other hand, when my mother passed I had no experience of her at all, not for years, many years. In 2007 I had a mild heart attack and boom, there she was in the room with me. I thought it meant my death was imminent. It freaked me out so bad I told her to stop it. Since then, I've felt her close many times, and it's always reassuring, not difficult

What gives with this? Does anyone have an explanation for it?

Has my father reincarnated already? Where did he go? Why did these relationships reverse themselves after death?

If you have any insight I'd appreciate it greatly. Thank you in advance.

Pam

[Wandering_Star]

Honestly, I don't have a definitive answer for you.

I had my first after-death encounter when my best friend died, and I continue to sense his presence and meet up with him in dreams to this day, 12 years later. He's almost like another guide, added to the two I already had.

But close family members, including my father? Other than a little flicker of knowing that they were there in the days following their deaths--nothing.

I did encounter my great-grandmother in a series of intense dreams as her daughter--my grandmother--was fading away from Alzheimer's. I was apparently the only relative she could get through to, and she wanted me to tell my grandmother to stop being so stubborn and come home, that she didn't need to stay in her failing body anymore. But I'd never encountered her before, and since my grandmother died, I haven't encountered her again--and we were very close when she was here. She only contacted me with one purpose in mind, regarding my grandmother, and that was it.

I suspect after-death contact may be part of a soul agreement made before we come here. In that scenario, the soul who became your mother agreed to keep providing support and reassurance from the other side after dying here on earth. On a soul level, she may be closer to you and have shared more experiences with you in different lives than the soul who became your dad did.

That's my best guess, at any rate; wish I could offer more insight.

Thanks Wandering Star. That was actually very helpful, your story about your own experience. There must be more going on than we understand right now. If we come here to learn things, it must be that not all of those things are pleasant. I wonder that too, if some people come here expecting or wanting to suffer certain things.

[Native spirit]

Hey Pgrundy


Time has no meaning in the spirit world what seems like years to you is days to them. i didnt get on with my mother she tried to come through, but i told her to go i wanted nothing to do with her i was close to my dad.when just before he passed he turned against me why i dont know. he came through with an appology but i told him until he was willing to tell me why he turned agaist me i didnt want to know him either.
its my grandmother that comes close to me i smell her and sence her but ive yet to see her, my husband passed only once have i felt him near not seen him either.which is annoying because i see spirit in solid form,
so you are not alone it happens.


Namaste

[Belle]

I had my dad limpet like with me for a while - it was less than 6 months since he died. He was like an endless klingon, his energy was profuse and draining.

There was an issue that he wanted my forgiveness from, an issue to be healed. Once that was sorted he disappeared. I could hvae told him to go away and I think that would have got rid of the energy as well.

I don't think necessarily it means anything good or bad if they are with you or not. It just is. As it is.

Honour their memory and thank them for giving you life and choosing you to be their child.

Native Spirit, I can relate. So many of us had difficult relationships with our parents while they were alive. I feel like I didn't truly have a chance to live until after they died--it was such a tangle, that family.

Today though, I do pray for them and thank them for bringing me into the world. As I get older my view of them changes. I used to be scared I'd have to see them when I died but now I don't fear that, I just wonder why some spirits visit and others don't. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Belle, that's how it was when my dad died too--so draining and also very terrifying for some reason. At the end of his life he couldn't breathe well--he actually drowned in his own body fluids--and for three days I heard that labored breathing and felt him everywhere, clinging.

After all this time I've come to a place where I can let it all go. I see how they suffered and how their fairly hideous errors were just that--errors that came out of fear and pain. So I have some compassion. It's easier to be compassionate when they are not in my face with stuff.

I have this sense my father is already reincarnated. I don't know why, I just do.

Originally Posted by pgrundy

Both of parents have been dead for quite awhile. My father died in 1981 and my mother in 1991. I was very close to my father but our relationship was not healthy at all. I had a very bad relationship with my mother while she was alive.

When my father died, I was aware of his spirit for three days following his death. It was vivid and traumatic. About five years later I had another intrusive encounter with his spirit in which he professed to be pleading with me to get my mother (who was not yet passed) to quit smoking.

But since then, no dad. Nada. Nothing. Not even if I have a direct question.

On the other hand, when my mother passed I had no experience of her at all, not for years, many years. In 2007 I had a mild heart attack and boom, there she was in the room with me. I thought it meant my death was imminent. It freaked me out so bad I told her to stop it. Since then, I've felt her close many times, and it's always reassuring, not difficult

What gives with this? Does anyone have an explanation for it?

Has my father reincarnated already? Where did he go? Why did these relationships reverse themselves after death?

If you have any insight I'd appreciate it greatly. Thank you in advance.

Pam

It can be very possible that your father has reincarnated which is why you haven't felt, seen, or sensed him. I would just let it be. You can ask your guides where he is if you're curious. As for your mother, maybe she is trying to watch over you and try to assist you when needed because she is trying to rectify what she has done to you when she was alive. It's up to you to accept her help or not.

Thank you coolchic101. That all sounds about right.

I appreciate my mother's visits now, it was just that one that alarmed me because I thought it meant I was going to die.

As I go through this life I find my attitudes change about a lot of things, so forgiveness is not as hard as when I was younger and closer to the pain.

I think I need to work on connecting with my guide. I underuse him, that's for sure, because I don't want to focus too heavily on my mediumistic ability, but maybe that's not so smart.

Thank you for your thoughts on this.

[Wandering_Star]

Originally Posted by Belle

There was an issue that [my dad] wanted my forgiveness from, an issue to be healed. Once that was sorted he disappeared. I could hvae told him to go away and I think that would have got rid of the energy as well.

I had a very difficult relationship with my father. For much of my life, I feared, and even hated him. Only after reading a description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and realizing it explained everything about his behavior was I able to start shifting my attitude toward him. I still didn't trust him, but I did start to have some compassion for the damaged person he was.

Only in the last couple of months before he died was I finally able to forgive him. He died a prolonged, painful death from cancer, so I had time to think about how things might be healed between us before he passed over. On what turned out to be the day he passed, I flew down to see him one last time. He was only semi-conscious, but I sensed that he knew I was there and would understand anything I said to him.

So I told him I loved him, thanked him for being my father, and told him that I forgave him for anything he ever did to hurt me. And I told him I hoped he'd forgive me for hurting him, too. I told him that it was okay for him to go, that everything would be all right, and I'd see him again when I was done in 40-60 earth years or so. And I meant all of this.

As soon as I said all that, I felt something shift. I can't even begin to describe it, but suddenly the atmosphere in the room seemed lighter, and I felt a sense of relief. I had the sense that I'd done exactly what had to be done for him as well as me--I'd released us both. Once in a while, I do something that, I realize afterward, is akin to passing a spiritual test with flying colors, and that moment was one of them.

So now that I think about it, I shouldn't be surprised that I haven't picked up more than a flicker of his presence. I was honestly relieved when he passed, knew where he was going, and didn't need comforting. But also we had no unfinished business left--not spiritually, at any rate.

And a departed soul wanting forgiveness doesn't just want it for themselves--they want it for you. Once they're back on the other side, most of them understand how incredibly important it is to a soul's development to be able to forgive while here. To forgive drops a huge amount of negativity from your energy field while you're still embodied here, and it also means you won't have to come back and repeat the lesson in subsequent embodiments.

I honestly had no idea how powerful forgiving people--especially my father--really was until this past year. It was something I resisted so fiercely for so long. But when I started looking at those relationships and events from a soul perspective--in which everything happens by agreement, and decisions made in this life affect the soul's development and the course of future lives--it made a huge difference.