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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Healing

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  #1  
Old 21-05-2018, 11:45 PM
ChildOfSummer ChildOfSummer is offline
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
 
Question Please help... losing all hope... life just doesn't make sense... (chronic illness)

Hello beautiful people. Thankyou for clicking on and reading this post.

I don't know where to turn or what to do anymore. I'm 28 years old, and 4 years ago I became ill with my second "chronic illness" of my 20s. The first started a year earlier. (1st: stomach ulcers from h pylori, 2nd: labelled as chronic adrenal fatigue - a host of bizarre symptoms from awful blood sugar levels to extreme fatigue, weight gain, hair loss, accelerated aging, sleep problems, muscle weakness, joint pain, weak immune system and more)

I have considered suicide so many times. I have always been "spiritual", but I have little faith anymore. I don't see how my karma was to sit and rot away in a house all through my youth. I'm watching life pass me by. Yes, people are dying or have worse diseases or die as babies, but I can't call this living, and I just don't understand why this has happened to me. I have always been such a vivacious soul, and all I ever wanted to do was see the world. I want to devote my life entirely to helping people. I want to make a positive difference. Meanwhile, my peers can drink and drug their way through their 20s with not a care in the world, getting good jobs, moving out on their own (I'm forced to live with my parent and can't work a real job)... and they don't even want to help others. Yet they live on, healthy and happy. I don't see how this is living out my highest purpose. I am no good to the world sitting in a house feeling awful all the time, so I really can't see how this is leading me to the path I KNOW I was born for. I really feel like some wires got crossed in the cosmic realm n I was forced into a life that just wasn't meant for me.

Forgive me, I'm emotional, I'm crying as I type this. I NEED to get better. I cannot be one of those people who never does. I would honestly rather die, and I'll probably make sure that happens if I don't. But I desperately, deeply, painfully, want to live. I want to live my dreams and what I feel I was truly put here to do.

I've tried many approaches to healing and I'm slowly giving up hope. I want to be one of those people who has so much faith that they can meditate their illness away, or have some near death divine intervention, but I just continue to slowly fade away, losing hope, losing faith, dreams and friends, bit by bit.

Please help me, if you know of any way I might ever be able to walk away from this darkness. I'm open to anything, I need some light. Anything. This is my plea to the universe. Please someone, tell me what I can do to thrive again...

Ps. I know I sound dark, but in my truest essence I'm a very light, loving girl. I was just dealt a card I don't want anymore.
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  #2  
Old 22-05-2018, 12:58 AM
LiberatedLotus LiberatedLotus is offline
Knower
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 187
 
First & foremost my thoughts & prayers
are with you as with every other being
that suffers from similar experiences.


All of this is ripe with potential for
self mastery & ultimate enlightenment
if harnessed correctly.

With life comes death, the two are
inseparable. Regardless of the conditions
that may have resulted in such experiences,
one must accept the mortality of this
vessel. In doing so, proper application,
you will find your immortality.
In knowing & embracing your weaknesses,
you will find unimaginable & unequivocal
strength. In knowing your intimate nature
that in which corresponds with the Universe,
you will discover the divine perfection that
you embody. In knowing pain & hardships and
the priceless wisdom gained you will learn to
honor the cuts, bruises, scars that cover your
being. They are the mapping of greats, genuises,
and of warriors. In knowing & allowing all the
conditions & constructs that have kept you bound
to this world & everything that ever
constituted "as self" fall away you will know
unimaginable freedom. Unimaginable
beauty. Unimaginable grace.
Unimaginable love. Unimaginable
oneness with the Universe, with U.
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  #3  
Old 22-05-2018, 01:40 AM
innerlight innerlight is offline
Master
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 7,845
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Hi ChildofSummer,



First off, welcome to Spiritual Forums. I myself have felt your pain, and have been in those shoes many a time over the past almost 40 years of my existence. I also have struggled in the past with health issues. I have been suicidal many times, and have even acted on it plenty of times in the past. So you are in good company in this forum. There are many who have been there, and have the scars to show it.

I can tell you don't give up. Don't lose faith. Don't lose hope that things can and will be better for you. But I know that's nigh impossible for you to believe at this moment in your journey. Yes, life does not make sense. It truly doesn't... I should say. It does not make sense to us living it. To those in the realms of spirit who guide and support it. It makes total sense. While you may have an image of how you see your life. Life does not always go to plan. Sometimes you have to take a side detour first before you can get to where you want to go. Many trials and tribulations in our life come to us to show and teach us something we need to learn along the way. Whether it's compassion for others who struggle, or if it's to learn love for self. All important lessons that so many struggle with.

I have been in the shoes where I just don't get why all those around me, who lie and steal so to speak, while good people like myself, get so little. It makes little sense. But when we compare our lives to others we will always have misery in our life and our minds. Comparison will not help us in anyway.

Take comfort in knowing that you are in a place to want to make changes and that is a great first step. Not many people want to take those first steps. There is something you should also know that healing comes in many different shapes and sizes. Most people look at healing and go, OK, illness is gone. Miracle happened. While that can most certainly happen that is not what healing is. Healing is not curing in the literal sense of the world. Healing is about balance within the mind/body/spirit. It is about bringing harmony when the self is out of harmony. It is about finding peace/comfort/joy even in the darkest of times when we are the lowest. When we find that within ourselves the universe literally opens up to us and many things can happen for us. Whether we become cured or whether we are able to live with the things we do have and have a much better quality of life.

Hopefully you have spoken to doctors, and have gone through their testings and worked with them to find answers to your issues you mention. Considering you said you had stomach ulcers and now losing hair, and the like, have you worked on things such as cleaning up your diet with a trained professional in doing so? Such as cutting out refined sugars, gluten/bread, grains, dairy, sugary drinks, stimulants? And creating a more healthy diet that involves real, whole foods/fruits/veggies? Working to heal leaky gut and things of that nature? Healing your body from the inside? It truly can do wonders to help the body heal itself and strengthen it's own healing abilities. A lot can change for a person just by taking better care of the things we put into our bodies, whether it's food, or even thoughts/ideas.

When we work to heal our bodies from the inside out, much can happen and change for us. You may not see the light now, but continue to search within yourself and even speak to others who have been in your shoes and you may just find the answers you seek.

God bless,

inner
__________________
Life never goes the way we expect it to, but always takes us where we need to be.
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  #4  
Old 22-05-2018, 09:48 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
Super Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,306
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Hi ChildofSummer,

I have to Echo what innerlight has said,dont give up Hope I have been where you are now except the suicide bit but I to have asked Why .its only a small word but big conetations,
I suffer from my Health I am waiting to go into hospital for yet another operation my 34th, so I can empathise with you, life is very unfair,and it does make you question everything.
all I have ever done is work with people as a carer etc . but the sun will shine for you so don't give up Hope


Namaste
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  #5  
Old 22-05-2018, 03:33 PM
Tanemon Tanemon is offline
Master
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 1,195
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Since you're posting here on SpiritualForums, I thought I'd ask you if you've tried this...

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...ad.php?t=45481
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  #6  
Old 22-05-2018, 04:50 PM
happy soul happy soul is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 345
 
ChildofSummer,

The illness isn't necessarily the real problem, nor is not being able to do what you think you should be or want to be doing.

Buddhism teaches that people have their own VIEW of things, their way of seeing situations, their own BELIEFS about everything. But it also teaches that these beliefs (which might be called one's 'story') are mostly NOT TRUE.

You see, you have this idea that what you SHOULD be doing, you're not able to do. I suggest you let go of that belief. There are no 'shoulds.'

You said you're watching life pass you by. But that's YOUR way of looking at your situation, not necessarily the TRUTH about it. The real truth may be that you're learning a lot, growing stronger, and that your situation is an OPPORTUNITY (rather than a PROBLEM) for you to grow and learn.

See your circumstances as a LEARNING OPPORTUNITY. Don't see them as 'bad' - 'bad' is just a JUDGMENT, not a real thing. Buddhism teaches to simply ACCEPT everything as it is, and not to label (judge) anything as bad or wrong.

So don't think that you 'shouldn't' be in the situation in which you find yourself. See the GOOD in it and make the most out of it.

Remember that YOUR opinion about things is not the TRUTH about them. Have a positive attitude and know that, no matter how bad things may appear to you, everything is really okay.

I hope this helps.
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  #7  
Old 23-05-2018, 04:58 AM
Tomma Tomma is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 379
 
Hi ChildOfSummer, I'm sorry you are feeling so low

I agree with what innerlight said:

Quote:
Many trials and tribulations in our life come to us to show and teach us something we need to learn along the way.

Your illness is teaching you something you will later need when you are helping others. Maybe the real purpose will only become clear to you many years down the road.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ChildOfSummer

Please help me, if you know of any way I might ever be able to walk away from this darkness. I'm open to anything, I need some light. Anything. This is my plea to the universe. Please someone, tell me what I can do to thrive again...


YOU are the light. You are the awareness, the love with which you are called to face your illness. Face it head on and the darkness you experience now will slowly fade.

And remember, 'the darkest hour is just before the dawn', so hang in there!
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  #8  
Old 27-05-2018, 10:45 PM
Esconced Esconced is offline
Seeker
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 30
 
So sorry that you are down. I'm sending you a hug!

An online friend said her chronic fatigue was directly related to her diet. Her system is terribly affected by any type of food processing so she has to eat only organic and fresh off the farm veggies and meats. Any type of processed grains, sugars, drinks, snacks, etc. cause her havoc and she ends up bedridden. Clean food without any chemicals added.

Have you tried an all, and I mean ALL, organic diet yet?
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  #9  
Old 31-05-2018, 05:09 AM
LadyCaticorn LadyCaticorn is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 7
 
I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. I have severe Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (aka Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), Fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel, Migraines.... A laundry list of problems that sound a lot like what you're going through. I've been sick since I was 13, and am now 30. I'm mostly bedridden, too.

I can really relate to everything you said because I have felt every one of those things. You could have taken the words right from my head, from my own life experience.

You're not alone in what you're going through. If I could give you a hug right now, I would.

I don't have all the answers, either. I'm still going through this journey, myself.

All I can tell you is to try to be patient with yourself. Also, be compassionate. Especially in times like this when it feels the worst, that's when it's most important to just try to relax, breathe deep, literally. Then be kind to yourself. Catch yourself when you're judging yourself, your situation or comparing your life to others or what you think it should be (which you shouldn't do, regardless of whether you're sick or not anyways). Nip those kinds of thoughts in the bud. It's understandable and only human to think such things, but if you allow them to continue, they just spiral and snowball out of control and take you no where good, to a place that is cruel and unfair to yourself.

So, try to work on having a more positive, loving, accepting relationship with yourself. Also, the suggestion about eating a clean simple diet, while it may or may not cure you, depending on the origin of your problems, it may at least bring some relief to digestive issues and help you feel a bit more energy.

I'm personally trying to work on these areas, myself. While I haven't mastered these things, and I'm by no means perfect at it, I've come a long way from where I was a few years ago, emotionally. The food thing, I'm trying to work on, but my mom has to do all the grocery shopping since I can't and it's been hard to get her totally on board with different things, such as the fact that I need to go gluten free. But I know that when I eat better, it makes some difference so I keep trying.

Also, I think it's important to make sure that you have a support system with at least a couple good friends who are understanding about your situation, who you can talk to and will be there when you're struggling. I know it's hard to find people like that when you're dealing with these kinds of health issues. It's hard to keep anyone around at all. But still, if none of your old friends will support you or accept you as you are, then you should move on and find people who will. We all deserve to be cared for for who we are, as we are, anyhow. Even if it's only one or two people, even if it's only on the internet, these connections are important. I've learned from experience how bad it is to allow yourself to become completely isolated, so make sure you have someone who you trust because it makes it at least a little more bearable if you don't have to carry everything on your own. That little bit can make a surprisingly huge difference.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you can find some peace within yourself and your situation. <3
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  #10  
Old 31-05-2018, 05:50 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
Master
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 8,196
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChildOfSummer
Hello beautiful people. Thankyou for clicking on and reading this post.

I don't know where to turn or what to do anymore. I'm 28 years old, and 4 years ago I became ill with my second "chronic illness" of my 20s. The first started a year earlier. (1st: stomach ulcers from h pylori, 2nd: labelled as chronic adrenal fatigue - a host of bizarre symptoms from awful blood sugar levels to extreme fatigue, weight gain, hair loss, accelerated aging, sleep problems, muscle weakness, joint pain, weak immune system and more)

I have considered suicide so many times. I have always been "spiritual", but I have little faith anymore. I don't see how my karma was to sit and rot away in a house all through my youth. I'm watching life pass me by. Yes, people are dying or have worse diseases or die as babies, but I can't call this living, and I just don't understand why this has happened to me. I have always been such a vivacious soul, and all I ever wanted to do was see the world. I want to devote my life entirely to helping people. I want to make a positive difference. Meanwhile, my peers can drink and drug their way through their 20s with not a care in the world, getting good jobs, moving out on their own (I'm forced to live with my parent and can't work a real job)... and they don't even want to help others. Yet they live on, healthy and happy. I don't see how this is living out my highest purpose. I am no good to the world sitting in a house feeling awful all the time, so I really can't see how this is leading me to the path I KNOW I was born for. I really feel like some wires got crossed in the cosmic realm n I was forced into a life that just wasn't meant for me.

Forgive me, I'm emotional, I'm crying as I type this. I NEED to get better. I cannot be one of those people who never does. I would honestly rather die, and I'll probably make sure that happens if I don't. But I desperately, deeply, painfully, want to live. I want to live my dreams and what I feel I was truly put here to do.

I've tried many approaches to healing and I'm slowly giving up hope. I want to be one of those people who has so much faith that they can meditate their illness away, or have some near death divine intervention, but I just continue to slowly fade away, losing hope, losing faith, dreams and friends, bit by bit.

Please help me, if you know of any way I might ever be able to walk away from this darkness. I'm open to anything, I need some light. Anything. This is my plea to the universe. Please someone, tell me what I can do to thrive again...

Ps. I know I sound dark, but in my truest essence I'm a very light, loving girl. I was just dealt a card I don't want anymore.
Welcome to the forums, my dear one and know that you are loved.

This whole thing could be my own autobiography and it has been only recently that I have decided to become more pro-active in my own health and recovery.

Fibromyalgia, M.E, PTSD, Autism and going through what seems to be an endless "Dark Night Of The Soul" in trying to gain acceptance, understanding and yet, living with all this, took me off to see my Neurologist.

Turns out, I have a major clinical depression which is overriding and overruling all attempts to progress spiritually and I have been placed on 'better meds' and so, I feel that a visit to a health care practitioner is essential just to get the ball rolling.

Gentle exercise like low impact yoga is great...and trust me, I know how difficult that is, when even the simple act of having a shower wipes you out for the rest of the day, but fear not! I came across a very beautiful soul on Youtube about a month ago, who is also going through this:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC4...Cng8tvw/videos

As for Adrenal Fatigue...yup, I have that too and here is some advice from Dr. Axe that is helping me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPMbHaTwzmk

I have also recently been taking Rhodiola, Ashwaghanda, Korean Ginseng, Licorice Root and Reishi mushrooms and notice a slight improvement when I am regular in taking them...but I haven't been lately (due to the depression) and need to get into a routine.

Also, if you have a peptic ulcer (I have a duodenal hernia), alkalising your system is great, with some apple cider vinegar and/or alkaline water. I discovered this water in my supermarket two days ago called "Alka-Power" (Ionic Alkaline Water) and I have noticed that I can drink more of that than regular spring water...and keeping well hydrated is essential.

It is important that you are also not too hard and critical with yourself based upon your illnesses or what others say. I'd love to have a penny for every time I hear "you're making this all up" or "you are only seeking attention" from those who do not understand what is going on and so now, I have a 'medical certificate' from my neurologist I like to flash around; asking others for their credentials in respect to it and it quickly shuts them up.

Also, grounding is very important. I prefer the term 'distraction' over 'grounding' as it describes it better for me. Have an Epsom Salts bath, go for a barefoot walk in nature and touch the plants and trees, colour in some mandalas, listen to guided meditations...like this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiLKbvhxRvw

I still have a long way to go myself...and I realise it is all rather daunting, but just take it in small steps...even if you only do 10-15 minutes a day to start...then after a while, when you get stronger, you can build this up to 45 minutes to an hour.

I wish you all the best and sending Light your way.
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