Working on yourself -feeling whole- what does it means?

[username4this]

So Ive read articles on how to work on yourself, and they all say work on yourself to feel whole on the inside, to feel like you dont need anybody, to feel like you are whole on your own.

So Im wondering what does that even mean.
To be quiet honest it seams to me that saying "feel whole on the inside" is coined by people who were either in a long term relationships or had many relationships one after another, basically people who were surrounded with people majority of their lives.

I on the other hand Im alone my whole life so I was wondering what does feeling whole on the inside should mean in my case.

In order to understand my point Im gonna write about my experience.
Im 41 years old and I spent my life alone. Im the only child and I spent wast amount of my childhood alone and as any lonely one child person I know oh to well how to entertain my self and fulfill my time.
Later in adult life I was alone too, and besides my relationship with my TF about which I wrote in the other topic I posted, I never ever had anybody else, no other relationships, no datings, no nothing.
Had few frineds here and there thru life, but our ways apart for one or another reason.

So I spent my life alone. 41 years so far, or to be fair, lets subtract 21 years of childhood and teenage time that gives us 20 years. All alone, by myslef :).

So lets talk about that, being alone for 20 years. I spend my time alone, I take care of my self, I make myself soup when Im sick, I entertain myself, I enjoy things I enjoy by myself (be it art, movies, books, music or whatever),
I "consult" myself when Im sick, or tired, or need advice,
I google for my self when needed infromation as anybody else but my point is Im alone for all those years,
I take care of my self,
I fulfill my needs for education, knowledge and spirituality in life by reading, researching etc (admittedly Im not on a high spiritual level but it is what it is )

Im trying to say I AM alone my whole life I do everything for myself, there is just me over here, just me all this time.
Am I feeling whole no, but I live like this for ever so speaking on the earthly therms I am whole, dont tell me Im not whole since I live like this forever. Do I like it? No, but I live like that so telling me I need to feel whole on the inside is kinda overkill since I do live like this and have all the earthy proves that I am whole (does this make any sense I dont know, let me know, explain it to me)



Now there is this advice "work on yourself to become whole on the inside" so you gonna tell me I have to, besides being alone my whole life to feel joy and to be happy that Im alone all those years.
You are telling me that besides living like this I have to be ecstatic and happy and go all -hey im bursting of joy over here being alone all my life woohoo-.

No, I cant be happy about it, there are times when Im more or less at peace to live like this, I assure you there are many many times that I am even ecstatic and happy and feel general joie de vivre but lets be honest most of those times are times that I feel hopeful that things are gonna change, that I am on the verge of something good.

But sometimes, often times, like this very moment while writing this, Im not that happy about being whole on my own, being whole on the inside.

Realistically I dont see myself waking up every day and being happy just for the mere fact that I am alone all by myself and sufficient, I dont see that that fact will ever make me feeling whole on the inside.

So yeah, thats what I wanted to share and ask if anybody can share some kind of inside or anything, what Im not seeing what Im not getting, I just dont know how I will ever apply that oneliner "feeling whole on the inside"

Thanks for reading :)

[Sugar-n-Spice]

like this

Take the word "alone" out of your writing...out of what you wrote and think about it from that perspective. Also maybe "don't," "can't," "no," and "not".

[Yourkiss73]

I think the "whole on your own" teaching is overrated. I understand we should not be co-dependent on anyone else or terribly clingy etc. But I don't believe that we are expected to be thrilled being alone forever. I do not think that is what is expected of you in any way. You are whole but like most human beings you crave love, affection and companionship with another person and that is 100% fine and to be expected. If I were you I would shake thinking you are meant to be so so so happy to be alone and instead focus more on asking God to meet the right person or to see TF again.

feeling whole is one thing. Being whole is another. For that, you have to deal with whatever's in your shadow side and most who dabble with latterday guru stuff don't.

Working on yourself is indeed work for most people. It means peeling off illusion and delusion which many are reluctant to do. Takes a lot of contemplation. To me, it's meant finding your Self. Even a little progress on that path is worthwhile.


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[hineahuone]

I used to feel this way once upon a time. It was called depression. I went to a healer and got some herbal bach flower remedies. They tasted like **** but I was feeling a lot better after a while. I now see healers regularly for massage, reiki and aromatherapy. It is beneficial to my overall well-being. I suggest you see someone soon.

[jro5139]

To op: I feel somewhat like you at times, although now I have kids so I feel like I am never alone lol. But at times, it would be nice to have another adult to talk to and do stuff with, instead it is either me by myself or me with my kids. Let me explain, I have been in 2 long term relationships, the first was more like a roommate feel, at least for me, that connection wasn't there so it eventually fell through. He is a great person though and I feel bad about what happened but I was a different person then in a lot of ways. I sometimes feel like I let a great guy go and may never find someone like that, but also, at this point I do not wish to have a relationship just to have a relationship. I am not willing to settle, I would rather be alone than put the effort into something that doesn't have that connection.
The second one, turned horrible as he got addicted to drugs and alcohol. I ended it, which caused him to change his life and now we are both much better off, but we are in different places and he has a new relationship and family. I am fine with that, as I have no feelings left after all the things he did to me, although he has apologized and somewhat, made up for it a little, I forgive him and am happy he is happy. That one produced 2 kids.
I was an only child also, and changed schools a lot, in my adult life I have moved a lot. All this has made me super independent and have had many experiences in life I probably wouldn't have had if I wasn't so independent, which have been wonderful, fun and learning experiences, which I am grateful for, but I also feel I do not have those long term friendships that a lot of people have. My closest friends do not live near me, which makes it hard to see them. There are 4 girls I consider my best friends, but do not live near me and 2 of them have major life problems going on which always ends up ruining our plans, the other 2 have busy and full lives which makes it hard to get together. Where I live, I seem to have a difficult time relating to people. I feel I have reached a high spiritual awareness, but that can bring isolation, as I have a difficult time finding people who I relate to or can really talk to. Most of the things I believe are not generally accepted by most people, and I've reached a point where I can no longer not say how I really feel or what I really believe. Also, the day to day drama that most people are caught up in, I have no interest in. At this point, I want to find people (both partners and friends), that are at a similar level as me and like to do the same things, and have the means and ability to do things without stupid drama getting in the way.
Also, I have found, through my experiences, that women who are in relationships do not want to be my friend and women who do not have kids do not want to be my friend. I'm not sure why, just because I have kids doesn't mean I don't still like to go out and dance and have a drink once in a while, but they don't invite me. I gave up on trying to maintain real friendships with men a long time ago, as sex and feelings always gets in the way. One person usually wants more than the other.

As for the being whole, I think when spiritual people talk about being whole, they are talking about emotionally. They are not talking about success, or material wealth. They are talking about being healthy emotionally, which I think I am or am working towards at least. At least I am making progress everyday, whereas most people seem to being staying in the same place.
But I can tell you that I feel largely whole, yet am not surrounded by people and have not had tons of relationships. And the relationships I have had have not done anything towards making me feel whole.
So how have I gotten to that point? Lots of diving down deep and facing my issues, I'm not afraid to face them head on and change them.
Also, if you don't want to feel alone, have some kids, then you will love those times when you get to be alone, it brings a peace and quiet that doesn't happen when the kids are there, lol, I'm half joking. I love my kids but I love getting breaks from them because they drive me crazy lol.

[intj123]

It means you have to free your willy!

[Flameseeker]

http://www.bustle.com/articles/91640... tm_campaign=1

[username4this]

Thank to each and every one of you for reading my post and replying to me :).

Sugar-n-Spice
Yeah I know I should feel happy but I just cant feel like that all of the time and thing with TF make it kinda impossible to feel whole when you are not whole (at least for me). I wouldn't mention this if this isnt TF forum though, since I guess most people wount get it anyway :)

Yourkiss73
Thank you so much :)

Lorelyen
Yeah it does seams like a real work, indeed, too much of a work sometimes :)

hineahuone
I heard of thos drops before now Ill make sure to acquire them and try it, to me it sounds like something I can do and cant be of any harm. :)

jro5139
Hope you find new friends soon :)
As for kinds, I dunno maybe Im just that type of person that never wanted them. In fact I remember when I read for the first time women writing that they wanted to feel loved and share their love with somebody so they choose to have kids. My mind was blown away since I never thought of that :O I was actually really impressed by their reasoning but it also said a lot about me that I never thought of that on my own :)
I like kids though, dont have anything against them, just in my case finding my nonexistent kids dad would be hard and I guess that is just not for me :)

intj123
:)

Flameseeker
I read that article and Im gonna try and love my self more I guess :)
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Hope I mentioned everybody in the thread, sorry if I scrolled by some posts, it can happen to me xD.
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Lemmy just input a general thought something I guess I forgot to write in my first post.

Ok, so this is the bottom line, hadn't this been TF forum I would never ask anything like this since I know that "regular" people just cant understand that specific feeling of not being whole on the inside.
I know I had that feeling forever, I know it stopped when I met my TF and I know Ill have it forever or until we reunite (in this life or next, who know)

So talking to me about feeling whole is like talking to toddler I guess ;p
"You have to feel whole on the inside by yourself"
"But I cant I feel this void without him all the time"
"But you have to work on yourself and feel whole on the inside"
"But I just told you I cant"

You know... It is kinda hard for people to grasp this I guess.
I would say having TF experience is really specific type of experience where people just cant to "let it go", it is not something I choose to happen to me nor seeking for it, it is just what it is.

I cant promise my self to do all those enlightenment techniques some of you guys are doing since Im just not that typo of person who can mediate, lose sense of self, transcend to another dimension or whatever is called, even if that means Ill never get to even talk to my TF again.
Honestly I have my shares of anxiety and solitude and I know what I can venture what I just cant.
I can read, research, participate in this type of discussions, I can pray, I can venture into taking herbal oils, drops or whatever, I can try to be more in tune with my self for sure.
Maybe even had it time and means I can go to massages, acupuncture etc. too.
And I would say that is all.
If that "work on myself" means more than Im capable of doing well then we will meet in the next life for sure :)

[Sugar-n-Spice]

Originally Posted by username4this

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Sugar-n-Spice
Yeah I know I should feel happy but I just cant feel like that all of the time and thing with TF make it kinda impossible to feel whole when you are not whole (at least for me). I wouldn't mention this if this isnt TF forum though, since I guess most people wount get it anyway :)

For me being whole is not being happy all of the time, but different people have different philosophies on this. It is just being.