So many questions, so confused

Well on this Christmas eve having just cried my eyes out again I have to say that the above is a confusing mix of hope and, well I am not sure what.
Maybe its the wong time to read it, maybe I am not so objective and balanced that it all seems rather hard and impossible.
I'll revisit this thread later on.
Thanks

Originally Posted by themaster

Hello Mike, :)


I don't mean to ruin it for you.. but death is never as shocking as we make out.. your wife's death sounds planned.. I think on some level you knew she was leaving even if you didn't recognize it "consciously"

OK, there is no much to reply to that I have decided to do it in bits if that is Ok.

Shock? well for the first four months I was in a deep shock.
While of course I feared losing her we were never actual told it would or could happen.
Only in the last week was I suddenly informed things were looking very bad indeed.

When you start fighting cancer like this, the 'fight' become all, it absorbs your life.

As far as everyone knew while her condition became dire, we were winning the fight, you only have to watch her Guardian Angles video made just a month before she passed to see how vibrant and full of life she was.
The decline took just a week and a half so I really do think I was in shock.

I was so dependant on her for so much, not just for the wifely things but as a part of me as my reason for everything.

Thanks

Mike

[Lynn]

Hello Mike


Yes take the time. Talking things out is the most healing thing we do.



Lynn

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

Well on this Christmas eve having just cried my eyes out again I have to say that the above is a confusing mix of hope and, well I am not sure what.
Maybe its the wong time to read it, maybe I am not so objective and balanced that it all seems rather hard and impossible.
I'll revisit this thread later on.
Thanks

Lift both your hands up and Jesus to make himself real to you and to bathe you in His Presence.

In my personal belief, Everything is Happening For a Reason and His name is Jesus - The Creator of the Universe. So in this sense, He has begun to reach out to you directly.

[NightSpirit]

Dearest Mike
Whatever is posted here about anything doesn't mean you have to take it for gospel. We each hold our own Truth, and what works for me, may not work for you. Don't take anything to heart that doesn't sit right with you. It's always up to you to take advise and decide what you want to keep and what to throw out.

Having said that, I can only go on my own past grief to know what your going through right now. My eldest brother lost his wife 1yr ago Christmas and it's totally wiped any joy in Christmas for him right now. I let him be. All he wanted was to be left with his grief and I totally can relate to that....as I can yours.

What happens beyond this plane doesn't really matter. We'll all get there eventually! What matters is how you feel and how you might find ways to handle that. It's far healthier to acknowledge the pain and live it then hold it back and cause damage. Do whatever you need to do to get through each moment. Keep us posted please. We understand whatever you write and feel for you....especially those more sensitive then others.
Bless.

[Smiler]

Dear Mike

I am so Sorry and saddened to hear of your loss.
It sounds to me that you have a great gift of healing and helping others cross to the light! Which in my view is indeed a very special gift.
I know you are in great pain and grief is natural when a person loves deeply! *hugs*
I have been with a few that have crossed over... I love. Its a blessing and it is very difficult as well.

True Love never dies, it is eternal!
Grief is very personal and cuts to our core! Time does heal... the love remains!
You have a gift in helping people to cross over . Sorry if I sound blunt, that is not my intent! My mum is ill at present, My sis has cancer as does my nephew! Although you suffer and miss your love deeply ...you have been given a very special gift! I just would like to point that out ( sorry if I sound insenstive or rude that is not my intent) Allow yourself the time to grieve in your way .. you have great support here! Believe in your experiences.

Love and blessings
:)

Originally Posted by Smiler

Dear Mike

I am so Sorry and saddened to hear of your loss.
It sounds to me that you have a great gift of healing and helping others cross to the light! Which in my view is indeed a very special gift.
I know you are in great pain and grief is natural when a person loves deeply! *hugs*
I have been with a few that have crossed over... I love. Its a blessing and it is very difficult as well.

True Love never dies, it is eternal!
Grief is very personal and cuts to our core! Time does heal... the love remains!
You have a gift in helping people to cross over . Sorry if I sound blunt, that is not my intent! My mum is ill at present, My sis has cancer as does my nephew! Although you suffer and miss your love deeply ...you have been given a very special gift! I just would like to point that out ( sorry if I sound insenstive or rude that is not my intent) Allow yourself the time to grieve in your way .. you have great support here! Believe in your experiences.

Love and blessings
:)

Hi and thanks for your kind thoughts and blessing :-)

I don't think you rude at all :-)

How I work is that unless people tell me direct they don't like me or are angry with me then I assume they are well meaning and kind :-)

Yes, it has not been lost on me that I seem to have helped both cross over, a very double edged sword as you observed! I would have no one else do it and was greatly honoured to do it but at the same time the memories are agony, letting slip those who I most love and needed!

Had a good day with family today and we remembered and honoured both mum and my wife.

Regards

Mike

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

Dearest Mike
Whatever is posted here about anything doesn't mean you have to take it for gospel. We each hold our own Truth, and what works for me, may not work for you. Don't take anything to heart that doesn't sit right with you. It's always up to you to take advise and decide what you want to keep and what to throw out.

Having said that, I can only go on my own past grief to know what your going through right now. My eldest brother lost his wife 1yr ago Christmas and it's totally wiped any joy in Christmas for him right now. I let him be. All he wanted was to be left with his grief and I totally can relate to that....as I can yours.

What happens beyond this plane doesn't really matter. We'll all get there eventually! What matters is how you feel and how you might find ways to handle that. It's far healthier to acknowledge the pain and live it then hold it back and cause damage. Do whatever you need to do to get through each moment. Keep us posted please. We understand whatever you write and feel for you....especially those more sensitive then others.
Bless.

Hi NightSpirit and thanks for the kindness and understanding.

I think I am on a quest to find out the truth and don't understand why its hidden when there are so many in contact with spirit!
If that is the case a simple set of questions could be asked and spirit (who after all are now experts) could give the answer.

I have had a very nice reading by one of the SF members, in this my fears were set aside as I was assured by both wife and mum that things are exactly as I have always believed and wanted in the after life.

I do not mean to dishonour them or the readers I just seek confirmation of the situation.

I must make sure I do all I can to be at the right level so that my wife and I can be together.
She was more spiritually advanced than me, a medium in her own right and in harmony with the Goddess energy.

I feel I played some small part in allowing that part of her to develop, but maybe that story is better placed on another board.

I must seek and in that seeking I hope for enlightenment.

Regards

Mike

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

I must make sure I do all I can to be at the right level so that my wife and I can be together.
She was more spiritually advanced than me, a medium in her own right and in harmony with the Goddess energy.

HalfaMike,

There's no such thing as "spiritually advanced" we are all equal, where we come from.. we only play the game of "unequal" here..

I am not equal to ride on this bus with you, I'm poor, I smell of vodka and my shirt is stained with puke..

That is only a game played here on this earth.. this illusion.. where we come from we smile on everybody even hitler

So do yourself a favor, tell yourself your equal.. you will feel better

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

OK, there is no much to reply to that I have decided to do it in bits if that is Ok.

There's no hurry.. fine by me

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

Shock? well for the first four months I was in a deep shock.
While of course I feared losing her we were never actual told it would or could happen.

Mike you’re talking about what doctors said to you..

I was talking about what your brain was saying to you.. what I mean is.. hints are always given.. pieces of information always slip through.. the death of your wife was never in the hands of the doctor.. it was always in her hands and her souls hands.. however, it's possible you had a play in extending her time on earth.. people have been known to get extensions on death sometimes or all the time

I know a teacher who talks about "soul contracts" and the like you could try asking him about what was going on.. if you wanted to.. (he sometimes does readings)

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

While of course I feared losing her we were never actual told it would or could happen.

Fear and thinking about things.. actually creates things.. that's "law of attraction"

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

When you start fighting cancer like this, the 'fight' become all, it absorbs your life.

Fight.. it's a interesting choice of words.. and shows not a good mindset..

How about acceptance?

That is how, I would have taken the news of "cancer" I would not have chosen the words fight.. fighting to live.. you see a statement like that says you have "no power"

I have a different theory mike.. I think we are all "empowered", I think were all great beings..

I think also if I were you.. I would have explored more all those miracle stories of healings then putting my trust in the doctors.. but I would have also been accepting as I said above..

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

you only have to watch her Guardian Angles video made just a month before she passed to see how vibrant and full of life she was.

Yah, this description reminds me of the 11 souls pullout thing I told you about.. in the way I heard it "recently" it was said that often the 20 year olds are taken right at the start of life.. and everyone of course is shocked afterwards.. (us humans I mean )

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

I was so dependant on her for so much, not just for the wifely things but as a part of me as my reason for everything.

And now you’re lying mike, to me and yourself.. if you were truly "dependent" you wouldn't be here.. this is just a statement of lack and disconnection..

Such things don't serve you.. you can live without her? Your living now.. are you not?

It's a tale that goes back 10,000 years with us humans yah know..?? were always saying "I can't live without her" and shockingly the her/him dies.. and we live without them.. lol

Classic case of "irony" if you ask me..

My advice to you is still the same HalfaMike.. starting being a whole Mike

Start living for fun and adventure and playfulness and love to the best of your ability.. to quote a teacher of mine..

follow your excitement (to the best of your ability)