I don't understand where sadness comes from

Sadness. It doesn't make any freaking sense. Because sadness doesn't spiritually exist, it's only love, only happiness, so why does this emotion heed me. Why do all emotions get in my way?

I just talked to my grandpa, for the hundredth time after he died, and it filled me with such extreme happiness that i cried, not just cry, but cried like a lunatic. Well i don't understand my emotions, even happiness makes me cry. But the saying that resurfaced in my mind, that my dad said, "you were always so close to your grandpa" brought on this nostalgia. That just made me cry even more.
A guide led me down a dark cave, and when he opened a door along the dark stone walls, it gave way to... a memory i forgot since i was a child, my grandpas old house, I lay in the comfortable orange carpet, and my grandpa was sitting on the couch waiting for me. The memory was happy, so why does nostalgia haunt me so? It shouldn't, Grandpa says to me he is fine, and i know he is anyway. The memories comforted me, it was like i can go back to the old days, whenever i want to, so i shouldn't be sad they are lost and forgotten.
I knew he was going to die that night too, but i couldn't tell my parents. It was halloween night, a few years back now i think. Owls came to me. Well I ended up staying home that halloween, miserable, but my gut told me something was going to happen. He ended up phoning them. I knew the phone was going to ring before it did, and before my mom picked up the phone, i knew he was going to die right away. Him complaining about pain in his back did not ease my thoughts. They thought he was just passing a kidney stone, so did the ambulance attendants, they took their time. Long story short, he died, around 3 in the morning. It's even more of an amazing coincidence, because that date, marked the day in the past that my grandpa bought the farm. And the day before he died, my dad told him they were going to sell the farm, he seemed okay with it. I never got to say goodbye to him, until he finally came to me in spirit. I had to withhold my knowledge of his dying from my parents, so i couldn't go to the hospital with them that night. I wen through the stages of mourning really fast. I ended up being in the stages of anger, by the time my dad came home, and told me grandpa had passed. I was at the stage of anger, and couldn't comfort my own father.
Well i later apologized for that. I'm sure it's been years now.

I've had another lovely experience with him, but i came out of it crying my *** off for some reason. It was happiness, because I even released loud laughter, but it was also sadness, in which i think i should be over by now -_-.
I was okay with his death from the beginning, and i already had faith in the death realm.
Why am i so connected to memories? It's not actually him that makes me sad. It is the memories of him, that i no longer have, and when i remember them, like when i was in his house again, i could see everything in such vivid detail, and i remembered fond memories of my childhood, like him scratching my back, me laying on the floor playing with marbles, my grandparents giving me juice boxes, someone stomping around up in the attic (that wasn't a memory that was part of the place i was in), and i could hear, feel and literally taste everything, and i even remembered being a baby, and laying on his chest. Well it just so happens, my childhood wasn't always that great, but the happy things, like times with him, were amazing.
I don't know if i am feeling happiness, or sadness, or both.
But whatever it is, it is nostalgia. And i want to not be in the grips of it.
I don't know, i don't need comforting or anything, i just don't understand emotions anymore. I thought i was over all the mourning. But now it feels like im a teenager going through pms all over again. Well i want to be able to get rid of my nostalgia for material things, and memories. It's like, in a way, the child inside myself, doesn't want to let go of my childhood memories.
Well i came out of the experience feeling loved satisfied, amazing. So why on earth do my emotions have to get in the way and ruin it?
Well anyways, i got to wish him a merry christmas. I wish all my family were here to celebrate it, but oh well, that's just my nostalgia again. He also wanted to know if i had his records (which i don't).

It was the last time i ever saw him before the night he died, must have been a few days before his death. I had the indescribable intuition to go visit him. He was looking at all his records, and we had an amazing bonding time with him teaching me about the old fashioned device he had. Then we walked through his house and he showed me his antique car collection. The last day i saw him was weird, i had the overwhelming feeling he wanted to die, and he even admitted it to me, i didn't know what to say, so i just gave him a hug. He broke down in tears in front of me, but i didn't know how to help him. He cried in front of me, about grandma. She has Alzheimer's, she is still alive, and he could not bare with it. I seriously didn't know what to do, but i felt he knew he was going to pass, or he was planning on it.

Growl. Emotions make me angry. And how ironic that is.



Edited by SF Staff

[NightSpirit]

Then I ask you...would you rather be a lifeless lump of meat?

[John32241]

When we enter life as a human, we become dualistic. We take on the human perceptions and the perspectives with all the associated attachments. It is an essential element in the divine plan. That we feel emotions and become immersed in the human reality.

I myself find it strange at times what I grieve about. I suspect that there are some connections in our subconscious that sit within us from lifetime to lifetime. Memories of loss. We become angry, shocked, shaken to our very foundation over particular events.

Our energetic essence sees these things as energy work. There is that elevated state of awareness about what we do in our human condition of spiritual forgetfulness. That is also why the human is loved beyond measure. We keep coming back to it lifetime after lifetime. We know things when we make that choice to return that we can never appreciate while we are human.

After the grief has been fully experienced, there can be understand to an extent that brings peace. That is how I understand these things.

John

[NightSpirit]

I do believe triggers are in our psyche.

sadness is our nature and we cannot escape from it.

Life is not a rosy bed. Both negativity and positivity have their roles in shaping life.

These opposing forces in fact reinforcing

[Emmalevine]

If we didn't know sadness we wouldn't know happiness. It's the same as we wouldn't understand light without experiencing darkness.

[Silver]

I've been going through strong, strong emotions over the death of my son earlier this year. I've found that the more you resist, the worse off you feel. One should feel cleansed, a lot cleared away IF you embrace these intense feelings when they happen instead of holding them at arm's length. Once they've passed, one feels much better, having accepted and embraced them for what they are. I think their 'reasons' will be clearer upon accepting them and after the storm has passed. If I didn't accept them, they would blow me away and I'd simply be left with a feeling of consternation and frustration. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Originally Posted by John32241

When we enter life as a human, we become dualistic. We take on the human perceptions and the perspectives with all the associated attachments. It is an essential element in the divine plan. That we feel emotions and become immersed in the human reality.

I myself find it strange at times what I grieve about. I suspect that there are some connections in our subconscious that sit within us from lifetime to lifetime. Memories of loss. We become angry, shocked, shaken to our very foundation over particular events.

Our energetic essence sees these things as energy work. There is that elevated state of awareness about what we do in our human condition of spiritual forgetfulness. That is also why the human is loved beyond measure. We keep coming back to it lifetime after lifetime. We know things when we make that choice to return that we can never appreciate while we are human.

After the grief has been fully experienced, there can be understand to an extent that brings peace. That is how I understand these things.

John

Thanks John that makes sense and you understood well what i was talking about,
I'm going to explore more into this. But wouldn't feeling emotions and becoming immersed in the human reality, let us stray from our spiritual path? I guess i am referring more to nostalgia. I like to think that human reality is important, but i have heard some say, the lives we live are insignificant and to view life as such, is to be more enlightened. I don't feel that myself, i feel as if life should be celebrated as well - but then i wonder if i am being selfish to want to put things on a pedestal, keep them with me forever. And then i do remember, some of the lives i have lived, and those memories are not handed down with sadness, and I cannot remember everything about them, so it makes me think what is the point, in celebrating emotions entwined with memories, and this life, when it really doesn't matter, as i will forget this life anyway, and if i ever live again, or if i ever do remember this life, it will not be sad?
I'm still trying to grasp if emotions are beneficial, I mean, I know emotions are significant to teach us things, to move forward, but i'm not sure about nostalgia.

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

I do believe triggers are in our psyche.

Yeah... and among other things, that are caused by our psyche, well that's interesting, because isn't the definition of psyche, (soul, mind, breath, life)... and it is the reason for our behaviours, reactions... I should delve into psychology, might find something useful.

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

Then I ask you...would you rather be a lifeless lump of meat?

What I am thinking, is if i release emotions, i will be able to be on a higher plane, more so of a life force than an over emotional lunatic, it seems logical to me. But then again, i think too much. But to be on the same plane of like mindedness, that i revere in my grandpa, for example, there is no sadness there, just oneness.

Balance, balance is probably necessary, but especially during times of deep communication, why on earth would i want human emotions getting in the way, when i could be simply one?