sometimes I feel I should give/shut up

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Internal Queries

well gee ... it might be that what one offers isn't what the person needs. maybe one doesn't have the "real answers" for that particular person.

i can't help but see some egotism in the presumption that one has the "real answers" and they apply to every and anyOne.

You have a point there, IQ.

BUT, I think what is being referred to perhaps, is also when people just look glazed over, that they're not really thinking / giving consideration to what a person is advising? Like they just are 'talking out loud' about their probs...

I think your point is valid, but I also think the other notion(s) are valid, given individuals and their circumstances.

Tilia, i understand where your coming from completely.

The thing about human beings is, most of us are living contradictions, between what we do and what we think we should be doing or what we believe in. Also, any time you speak with someone, you interfere in their reality. Many people don't appreciate interference of any kind. They want the experience they are having, even if its painful.

My advice is, the next time your asked for help without that person being truly willing to listen to you, give them the "tough love" treatment. Sometimes it's a swift kick in the rear that a person needs more than anything else.
Example: "Why are you telling me/us this? Are you trying to make everyone around you depressed? If you really wanted help, which by now its very clear you dont, you would do X, youve known about A, B, X, and D for a long time. Its not even those things, you havn't done ANYTHING to even attempt to alleviate your condition. I can only point in the right direction, i cannot do these things for you." lol..

well gee ... it might be that what one offers isn't what the person needs. maybe one doesn't have the "real answers" for that particular person.

i can't help but see some egotism in the presumption that one has the "real answers" and they apply to every and anyOne.

I dont think that shes talking about giving anyone her spiritual truth. Shes talking about helping someone with their individual problems.

Originally Posted by Internal Queries

well gee ... it might be that what one offers isn't what the person needs. maybe one doesn't have the "real answers" for that particular person.

i can't help but see some egotism in the presumption that one has the "real answers" and they apply to every and anyOne.

Thing is I know that my answer may not be the right one for them. I am happy for it to be wrong.. what I am not happy about is being completely disregarded on so many levels.

This weekend was an example. We had a friend visit who got a cold and was coughing and moaning about coughing. I have some great homeopathic pills that take coughs away soooo quickly, but every time I offered they didn't say "oh, I don't believe in them" they just completely ignored me and talked over me saying how bad their cough was.

And, yes, being ignored is a big issue of mine so it's pressing buttons in that way. It's one that as yet I haven't found an answer for.

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Thanks for the hugs and understanding everyone. It's good to know I'm not alone.

I will think about the possible lessons that there are to learn about it. I agree, it's easy to spout ideas and not live them yourself... and I am aware that I am doing this about a couple of issues I am dealing with... but to be honest I'm not whining about them either.

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With one friend I have totally given up. I have offered help so many times to have it thrown in my face that I don't get sucked into her dramas any more. When she tries to drag me in i just say "that's a shame, hope things get better for you"... but it feels so empty.

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I also understand that people don't want to hear stuff because it will mean they have to change their whole world view. For instance if you take on board that saying negative things will make you weaker (as in kinesiology) then it means they have to think about what they say more.... and that is a biiiiig thing to change!!!

Anyway, I'll go and ponder what has been said and maybe read again. Take on board my own issue and be sure I have considered everyones suggestions ;)

Been pondering this some more.

I am driven to help people because I hate seeing people unhappy when there is things that can be done... but I realise that true empathy is seeing that they are not ready to be in any other state. They are not ready to look outside the box.

This means it's not necessarily right to try to help people..... I get that now.

But, I simply will not enable people to stay where they are. Does this mean that I should just igore them?

Someone above did mention the tough love route and as I already said, with one friend I have walked away from offering any more help.

But this seems so callous... I need to find a balance between offering suggestions, tough love and keeping quiet.

more pondering I think....

[in progress]

You can love them as they are. They are in a process of learning or experiencing as you are. We are all divine beings underneath the hood. In a larger sense we cannot really hurt ourselves.

Hold the frequency within yourself that at any moment they could make a new decision. See them like this. That is a way you can help. You are holding or anchoring in your being this particular energy frequency they can tap into even if they don't consciously realize it. It is there for them to use or not use and it keeps your ego out of it.

[Internal Queries]

Originally Posted by tilia

Been pondering this some more.

I am driven to help people because I hate seeing people unhappy when there is things that can be done... but I realise that true empathy is seeing that they are not ready to be in any other state. They are not ready to look outside the box.

This means it's not necessarily right to try to help people..... I get that now.

But, I simply will not enable people to stay where they are. Does this mean that I should just igore them?

Someone above did mention the tough love route and as I already said, with one friend I have walked away from offering any more help.

But this seems so callous... I need to find a balance between offering suggestions, tough love and keeping quiet.

more pondering I think....

it's not that it's not right to try to help people ... only that what you offer by way of help may not be what they need. that's all.

i mean, when you see someone struggling you can give it go trying to help them but if you do offer help try not to be attached to the desire for acceptance or the goal of results.

I will share a story that will certainly give a clue about my age. Lol. When I was in high school a bunch of friends had those 110 cameras that required that film be loaded. Well if you had a manual camera, you had to wind that film until it caught and the mechanism could move the frames along. A friend of mine decided to be curious and proceeds to open her camera in broad daylight and exposing the film to see what was wrong. I told her not to do it and was deemed a know it all for having butted into her business.

These days (I am much older now, lol) when I am in a position to help someone who may be less than receptive I think about that friend exposing her camera under the sun. She had to learn that lesson herself in order to know not to do it again. Being a helpful person also requires a lot of restraint. I see people doing things all the time and it is battle not to want to help, but if a greater lesson is learned by 'touching fire to prove it's hot', then sometimes we have to let that happen as well. I do not take offense anymore nor do I feel that I did not live up to helpful hand to mankind I was place here to give. It is simply knowing when to watch and throwing a hand or two over your own mouth and when to step in.

Originally Posted by CoffeeGem

I will share a story that will certainly give a clue about my age. Lol. When I was in high school a bunch of friends had those 110 cameras that required that film be loaded. Well if you had a manual camera, you had to wind that film until it caught and the mechanism could move the frames along. A friend of mine decided to be curious and proceeds to open her camera in broad daylight and exposing the film to see what was wrong. I told her not to do it and was deemed a know it all for having butted into her business.

These days (I am much older now, lol) when I am in a position to help someone who may be less than receptive I think about that friend exposing her camera under the sun. She had to learn that lesson herself in order to know not to do it again. Being a helpful person also requires a lot of restraint. I see people doing things all the time and it is battle not to want to help, but if a greater lesson is learned by 'touching fire to prove it's hot', then sometimes we have to let that happen as well. I do not take offense anymore nor do I feel that I did not live up to helpful hand to mankind I was place here to give. It is simply knowing when to watch and throwing a hand or two over your own mouth and when to step in.

That is very true~! It is also a lesson that I'm learning with my mother. When to help her and when to just allow her to do things. Even if I think they are wrong. At 75 years old she insists on helping me bring in groceries.(She has Alzheimer's/Dementia).
Not a problem except that she starts to complain after climbing the 10 stairs to the kitchen. So of course I say..."No mom, I'll do it. You can't get up the stairs." Which then makes her angry and mean at me. So now... I just let her lol She'll get tired and stop eventually! :)