No opportunity to have a relationship (soulmate)

Hi Gemini,

I've dated so many women in my life that I can't count how many encounters I've had. Was looking for my Twin Flamme in each one of them knowing deep down she existed somewhere. Finally met/found my TF when I was 38 and been with her ever since. So there is still hope for you to find the person of your life.

Good luck!

[NoOne]

Originally Posted by TXGemini

Well, for me at least that's not the problem. I'm an extroverted person, I have lots of friends and my job allows me to be out and about alot. When I've had honest communication with my guy friends throughout high school, college, and even now as what my problem is---why guys won't date me I get the feedback of "I'm so nice, little sister quality."

Honestly---they see me in the same category of their moms, sisters, or aunt, not as a sexy woman who they could take to bed and have a romp in the hay. I had this conversation with my twin (before he left) and he even blatantly refused to introduce me to guys he knew were eligible--he went all daddy mode on me.

A female friend who is known to successfully match make several couples (to marriage) has tried to set up a match making party at her home for me 3x--each time it has been cancelled due to forces of nature---a flash flood, one hurricane, and snow. She's given up because she said that's never happened to her before and she thinks God is telling her to not interfere.

I've even asked my guy friends to match make me with some of their guy friends who may be single or divorced and the horrid look on their faces---I thought they were having a stroke or heart attack. Each of them gave the same response, "Oh, no, you're too sweet/nice/adorable to match with D/G/F. He's a dog/thug and you're a lady.

I can't seem to break out of this "Mother Mary/Queen Elizabeth" persona people have of me that I'm never supposed to date/have sex/get married. That I'm supposed to be the old maid of the town and not have romantic thoughts/feelings/companionship.

I feel like I'm the opposite of Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter...like there is some invisible force field hanging over me.

I've even asked them whether I'm attractive, and they all agree that I am. My girlfriends agree that I dress appropriately but that do give off a persona of church girl, bring home to girl, not a roll in the hay. At this point, I'm just asking for companionship.

I've got cousins who have been married 4 or 5 times and they keep saying I'm lucky because I'm still stuck at the gate at least they got out of the starting gate and running down the track.

I keep telling people, but they don't want to believe me, the problem isn't with you, but with your environment. Small Town America, eh? No wonder.

Get the hell out of there while you can, don't just just sit on your behind.

I'm tellin' ya, it's gonna be completely different, once you move yourself into a different environment. You'd be surprised how often and quickly people find love once they move, especially if it's to a new country. You can always come back with new-found hubby in tow. If that doesn't appeal, at least try to date internationally online and broaden your horizons. There are literally billions of guys out there that would be happy to date you, if they could only find you.

I can personally vouch for Ireland, many of my female friends and colleagues found love within weeks of moving there and are very happy.

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by NoOne

I keep telling people, but they don't want to believe me, the problem isn't with you, but with your environment. Small Town America, eh? No wonder.

Get the hell out of there while you can, don't just just sit on your behind.

I'm tellin' ya, it's gonna be completely different, once you move yourself into a different environment. You'd be surprised how often and quickly people find love once they move, especially if it's to a new country. You can always come back with new-found hubby in tow. If that doesn't appeal, at least try to date internationally online and broaden your horizons. There are literally billions of guys out there that would be happy to date you, if they could only find you.

I can personally vouch for Ireland, many of my female friends and colleagues found love within weeks of moving there and are very happy.

Actually I live in the 3rd largest city in the U.S. used to be the 4th. I had a better chance when I lived in a small town (where I graduated from high school) because everyone knew everyone and there was more connections. Here in the large city, as part of my job I network with (and have developed friendships with) federal, state, and local politicians, educational leaders, community leaders, and those are the people I've reference above.

My maternal grandmother gave me the nugget of advice (when I left the small town), "oh you will find someone when you go to college in the big city"---got my undergrad, grad, and doctorate to no avail. After I got my doctorate that really turned some potential suitors off because they said I was out of their "league". I don't look at people's backgrounds, economic status, race, or ethnicity. However, I've noticed others seemed to judge me by those standards--more so in the large city.

That's the first thing out of their mouths "what are you ethnically? what do you do for a living?" Immediately you are sized up and judged at that point.

Why can't a woman with a white collar woman date a blue collar man? Who made the rules that says you can't? Being a ethnically mixed female doesn't help my cause any either. I was told by one suitor (the one who would like to see me again after 25 years) that he couldn't introduce me to his family because I wasn't the type (color) of woman he usually dated. Even though I consider myself Black, society labels me mixed so Black men ignore me, shun me, or avoid me.

[ad infinitum]

Originally Posted by TXGemini

I was told by one suitor (the one who would like to see me again after 25 years) that he couldn't introduce me to his family because I wasn't the type (color) of woman he usually dated. Even though I consider myself Black, society labels me mixed so Black men ignore me, shun me, or avoid me.

I remember talking to you about how you'd like to see an old friend but you knew he'd bring up an old suitor and you weren't interested. I was impressed by your boundaries. If this is the guy you were referring to I can see why. Good for you for walking away from that situation.

I hope you didn't take my foster care comment the wrong way, I'm sorry if it was offensive. I've been involved with the foster care system for several years and it is one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. Not at all the same as a relationship, but I find it very fulfilling.

[TXGemini]

ad infinitum -

No, I did not take offense. You aren't the only person who has made that suggestion to me. It takes a tremendous commitment to be a parent, step-parent or a foster parent.

I gave up on kids a long time ago, but still always kept the hope alive of romantic companionship one day.

My friends keep saying to be patient, but after 20+ years of jumping through all the hoops I've lost faith and given up. And yes, I know all about the mantra of "when you least expect it / stop thinking about it, it will happen". I've done that spiel too, about 10 years ago, and nothing happened as well.

I had one female cousin (younger) tell me that I need to change my religious faith/denomination in order to find a man, which I refuse to do.

Just asking for a male friend/companion in my life to do things with and hang out with on occasion. No big whoop.

[FairyCrystal]

Have you ever considered doing a workshop with for instance Matthew Hussey or Rori Raye or Nicole Moore?
Then you can learn to develop your femininity and appeal and so on.
If you're constantly getting, nice, cute, girl next door, you are lacking something in your vibration, in what you yourself exude. The 'attraction factor' or whatever you wish to call it. Then you get friend-zoned.
That's not a status quo but you have to put in some time to change this around. You'll be happier for it, but many people can't be bothered to do such things. They feel it should just happen. Read some of their material, watch some free clips etc. Often Nicole does free workshops too and Matthew has a ton of free stuff online.
All three are real good.

[TXGemini]

Yes I went through Matthew Hussey's workshops but not the others. Based on the feedback I receive from my female and male friends, it has nothing to do with my personality, clothing, or the way I present myself. One female friend actually said there is an aura, glow, or inner light that people see in me.

I truly don't know what that means. It kind of shocked her after she said it and the other female friend at table agreed and said that was the best way to describe what they saw about me. Of course me being the person that I am, followed up with another person to describe me and he said similar wording.

If that is the case, I can't change that, and if it is off putting, I can't do anything about it. Of course my oldest and dearest friend had her own twist in the gas and said to not to knock it. It's kept the deadbeats away for 25 years.

I've had strangers smile friendly and nod to me and then I've had some people look at me like they've seen a ghost. Sometimes when they do this I'll pull out my mirror and check to see that I haven't grown a 3rd eye or something. Now I just ignore the stares.

When I first met my twin he stared at me along time before he started talking to me. In meetings he'd sit himself across the room so he could stare at me during the meetings, but he wouldn't talk to me.

I'll be the first to admit I am no knockout just an average looking woman with a quirky sense of humor.

Hello Gemini,

Deep down in you, what is it that you are looking for in a man? And why is it you feel you need a man to fulfill who you are?

Regards,

[JosephineB]

Originally Posted by Legrand

Hello Gemini,

Deep down in you, what is it that you are looking for in a man? And why is it you feel you need a man to fulfill who you are?

Regards,

If you think about your question for a couple of seconds with your TF in mind you'll have the answer.

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by Legrand

Hello Gemini,

Deep down in you, what is it that you are looking for in a man? And why is it you feel you need a man to fulfill who you are?

Regards,

I am quite emotionally and spiritually fulfilled in my life. I've accomplished almost all the goals I've set for my life. I am a devout Roman Catholic, meaning I am dutifully celibate and chaste; however, I as any redblooded, hetrosexual woman, I am attracted to men and would like a companion in my life that I can have a committed relationship.

There's only so many things you can do with you girlfriends and relatives.

What am I looking for in a man?

*Roman Catholic, willing to convert / Christian
*Honorable, trustworthy, loyal, and faithful
*Compassionate and charitable
*Loving, patient, and supportive
*Confident
*Good sense of humor
*Comfortable showing physical affection
*Passionate
*Treats me as an equal partner, dear friend, and lover
*Respectful to others, including his elders, parents, and family

I've had friends for years who say because I'm mature for my age (old soul) that I should date an older man---but I'm not looking for a father figure. I've had a dad--don't want another one. I don't want someone who is going to boss me, I want someone who will be an equal partner in the relationship.

My best friend says that guys may be intimidated by me because of my job and what I do or my education but I don't see how, I don't flaunt it. I keep everything low-key.

I want someone who wants me for me, not what I do. I guess because I grew up around women who were teachers/educators married to men who didn't finish school but became successful later and they made it work. I don't understand what's the big deal or problem.