Grief & Heart Chakra - Why can't I feel the love?

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Terra Tourist

Lol! A human Being. I don't know where we're headed, but I hope this train at least has a buffet cart

But, definitely, it's great to have this place.

Fear not, TT - we may not have rails, but we definitely won't go hungry

[RiverL]

Does the buffet cart have ice cream? I don't often get to have ice cream...

Terra, I'm glad things people have said in this thread is helpful. Grief is a tough thing. I think sometimes we're told we shouldn't grieve, or we should get over it faster than is actually possible, so we hold things in. That affects us physically, emotionally, and energetically.

[Tobi]

This buffet car has food! If I have anything to do with it anyway! haha

I agree, RiverL. Grieving is a natural part of existence which we have come here to live through....all the shadows, all the lights We came here to know them.
Also it has no set parameters, no 'timing' and is neither 'good' nor 'bad'. It just IS part of our experience here. It is our own path concerning what we learn from apparent 'loss', and how we handle it. The truth of course is that the loss is an illusion in many ways, but it is real enough while we must experience it.

Those who see grieving as a negative and 'low vibration' thing are not entirely right. It, and other profound emotional catharses, can bring us closer to awareness. It can depend on whether the bond with ego is loosened at such a time. And how.....Sometimes it is like living within a prayer.

[Terra Tourist]

Thanks so much A Human Being, RiverL and Tobi. I'm always better at soaking in the good advice when it comes with a little bit of good humour....as you've done.

As RiverL said, grief really is a tough thing. I sometimes wonder why culturally we haven't gotten better at responding to it. We've lost many of the old important grieving rituals and it's so terribly sad that we haven't really replaced them with something more helpful.

Anyway, today I'm going with something you said above Tobi....'(grief) it is like living with a prayer...' I found this perfect for today. I will consider this while drinking my scalding buffet car coffee and eating their curly-cornered sandwiches...

[ianalexanderr]

Rather than focusing on the feeling of love alone, try performing acts of service to others, even if you seem emotionally withdrawn from the act at first. This is true selfless love. I believe after some time, when the focus is less on Self and how damaged the Self is, and more on others the emotional defenses will start to fade.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by ianalexanderr

Rather than focusing on the feeling of love alone, try performing acts of service to others, even if you seem emotionally withdrawn from the act at first. This is true selfless love. I believe after some time, when the focus is less on Self and how damaged the Self is, and more on others the emotional defenses will start to fade.

giving and receiving provide the vitality of love's flow through us, i believe.
one without the other leads to stagnation it seems.
i've seen it said that "power over" civilizations focus on a one-way exchange...
even well-meaning groups that wish to provide benevolently may inadvertently
cause harm (by squelching free-will) if they are unaware of and unresponsive
to a higher source.

[Terra Tourist]

Originally Posted by ianalexanderr

Rather than focusing on the feeling of love alone, try performing acts of service to others, even if you seem emotionally withdrawn from the act at first. This is true selfless love. I believe after some time, when the focus is less on Self and how damaged the Self is, and more on others the emotional defenses will start to fade.

Thanks ianalexanderr
I will certainly admit it, I have been focusing a lot on myself recently and not always in a very healthy way. My grieving experience has brought me to a very extreme point of my ego, where I am asking a lot of 'why me?' ego type questions. There's no doubt about that.

But, I must say, I do accept this 'selfishness' of sorts at the moment. When it's all consuming, it can (for me at least) feel like a big lens pointing out all the bare, stark, ugly truths. These hurt like hell...but I feel okay with that right now for some reason. It feels like a natural response.

One of my big issues was that I had always sought external sources of 'heart' validation. At this moment, doing things for others feels like I am just going back to that old habit. At this present moment, it would all come from a place of need rather than a healthy place of sharing/exchange. I know it would be hard not to use 'helping others' as a crutch to fix others rather than healing myself.

But, having said that, I absolutely do agree that interaction and sincere exchanges with people is the healthiest place to be. Maybe soon I will reach that point where I can offer my care to others...but now, it would feel so empty. I would rather wait until I feel a real desire to help in a positive way.

But again, your advice is good and in many ways you're right, but I'm quite there yet. Thanks

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

it's not "selfish" to be considerate of your own health.
follow your intuition and do what feels right for you.
that's my thinking

[Terra Tourist]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

giving and receiving provide the vitality of love's flow through us, i believe.
one without the other leads to stagnation it seems.
i've seen it said that "power over" civilizations focus on a one-way exchange...
even well-meaning groups that wish to provide benevolently may inadvertently
cause harm (by squelching free-will) if they are unaware of and unresponsive
to a higher source.

Hi H:O:R:A:C:E

Absolutely. For me, the healthy place to be is in the sweet spot between giving and receiving. I'm aiming to get back there soon, hopefully. I figure if I go with the flow (of sorts) now, listen to some good advice (mostly from here!) and 'sense' if it fits the situation right now, then I'm kind of on the road to being in a good flow with the higher source.

I've come to a sort of conclusion in recent days, that if I currently have a problem with a lack of feeling in my heart, then the remedy for me is to 'feel' things out....no matter how weird it gets or how much I would like to control the destination. Hopefully it works.

[ianalexanderr]

One of my big issues was that I had always sought external sources of 'heart' validation. At this moment, doing things for others feels like I am just going back to that old habit.

An act of love is just the opposite. You see, to seek love externally is to imply you are separate from the love you wish to feel.

However you cannot commit a sincere act of love, without being love. You cannot give what you don't have - thus a genuine act of kindness, a gesture of love for the sake of love (without expecting the kindness to be returned) shifts our dynamic regarding love - we become our own source.

Give love not out of motivation to receive love, but because you are love.

I believe the physical act of service naturally initiates this kind of love.