How long are you willing to wait for them?

lunapixie · #1 22-01-2016, 02:19 AM

Hi,

How long have you waited so far? And by waiting I mean voluntary and involuntary waiting. As in moving on sort of, letting life go on but having them occupy your daily thoughts just the same?

It's been five years since I first discovered he existed. So much has happened since, which is also true for all of us on here I'm sure.

But as I approach my forty-fifth year I can't help but think that this isn't how I want things to be. I want love and to be loved in return. I have so much love to give, I wanted to give it to him but I feel that he will never be ready in this lifetime. Who knows... he could even have moved on at this point. I have no way of knowing since it's been almost nine months of absolute silence between us.

My sister once said that what I am looking for is not necessarily him but some kind of resolution. She was right, of course.

Sighs...

I just want to know. I pray every day and ask the universe, God, my guides to show me a way out of this. I'm tired of crying. Sometimes it gets better but when life slams me down it's harder not to want someone there holding me up. Not that he ever has, but somehow, in spite of everything, he is the only one I want.

I used to have so many men after me. I used to love the attention too. Not anymore. It's like the universe put a big neon sign above my head that says "off limits" to all who are not him. But it's not like he's trying to be with me either. I don't mind being alone most of the time because I'm an introvert. But I didn't think my life would be one of total solitude in these years to come...

How long have you waited so far? Or not waited? How does one get out of this nonsensical cycle?

It's such a crazy ride we're all on, isn't it...

Aponee · #2 22-01-2016, 03:23 AM

Ah the waiting...I think I've been doing it all my life. We met 24 years ago but I feel like I knew something like him was going to happen around age five. Fortunately after we met, I didn't see him often maybe twice a year or so. I knew he was an important person to me and so very familiar I didn't realize how much I loved him until about six years ago.

At first when I realized I loved him, I had a kundalini awakening and it was beautiful and scary. It felt as if my heart had finally opened up to love. It was beautiful, like no other love that I had ever felt. I was so positive he just knew it too. When I finally wanted to say something, he seemed to know it was coming and was rather cruel and dismissive. I still love him. I saw all the fear in his eyes. I've never seen someone's pupils open so wide. We saw through each other like we always had.

Quite frankly, I don't have any desire to be face to face with him again in this lifetime. Sometimes I dream I see him and ignore him. Lately, I've been searching for him again.

I've now come to the point where I can now share that beautiful love I hold in my heart for him with someone else. Through loving this person I am able to still love him as well.

I feel for you Lunapixie...what you wrote is what I was thinking exactly. How to let go of the letdown. it was very hard to get to this point. There's still not a day that goes by when I don't think of him. It's hard when you feel like you are just giving up on TF this time around. It's easy to think that all of that beautiful love was just wasted because TF didn't want it.

In time you will be able to share that love again with someone. I believe that love energy will still touch the TF and they will benefit from it.

And hey...if we all end up alone (though I don't think we will)...we could start a group home for ourselves. :)

lunapixie · #3 22-01-2016, 03:39 AM

One of the first things he said to me right after he ran the first time was "I don't have time for anything else besides school right now." So dismissive of our connection back then. Meanwhile, here I was, like you, in the middle of my own awakening.

You made me laugh with the idea of a group home for ourselves! LOL Thank you! I needed that laugh and that smile.

I want to give up but there's something inside that won't let me...

Truth be told I was the one who broke things off last time - for the first time I was the one who walked away. I couldn't stay. He wanted me to keep flying back and forth to see him on the weekends, on his time off, same as I had done before. I couldn't do it anymore. I had told him that it was time for him to come visit me too, but he always found an excuse.

I hope I find someone else too, like you did. I need my sanity back more than I want TF back...

Aponee · #4 22-01-2016, 04:34 AM

I want to give up too, but he feels a part of me. Maybe it's the years, maybe it's the past lives...maybe it's all in my head.

I haven't given up completely, but I'm not going to sit around and wait. I'm thankful that I now know the depths of such a love. The pain lessens. It just takes time Lunapixie.

kapamati1 · #5 22-01-2016, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aponee

I want to give up too, but he feels a part of me. Maybe it's the years, maybe it's the past lives...maybe it's all in my head.

I haven't given up completely, but I'm not going to sit around and wait. I'm thankful that I now know the depths of such a love. The pain lessens. It just takes time Lunapixie.

Good advice. I sent my own body in some sort of "retrograde" after about two years. Don't do that! Proceed on with your journey. This is not about stopping at all. It hurts. You cry. You even grieve. At least I did. You let go and move on Have I given up? No. I will have him in me till the day I take my last breath. But, I'm me. One. Life would seem nicer if he was here. But, he's not. After all this time (since 9/2/11) I had to give it up ( however you perceive that), and just move along. Don't get stuck. I'm sure MANY here will tell you that. It will set your growth back. Just be grateful in life that for whatever reason you FEEL something like this. That is what I try to focus on. If I don't, I think how F'd up both of us must really be.

Just move on. Be love. Treat yourself with the utmost respect as much as you can. Use what you felt to be LOVE to everyone.

fallengrace · #6 22-01-2016, 08:29 AM

2 years. Now I have to let go and make a genuine effort to move on. Don't really want to, but it's a matter of must

Frederick33 · #7 22-01-2016, 08:55 AM

hi dear friends just wanted to say
please feel more free twin flame is just a way of relationship
a merging , but its far less confined than commonly accepted
its only as rare as you belief it to be
there can be many of such experience had
when you gain more freedom
I myself have often merged with souls and it feels just the same
often do this for readings or healing but the idea or reality is much the same
a merger is a merger
just posting this to loosen you all up and see the wider picture
imagine the freedom you have to go and be with those you can be with

much love and light to all :-)

loulou1986 · #8 22-01-2016, 08:59 AM

So lovely to see so many strangers supporting eachother and giving such heartfelt advice. You can feel the love radiating from every sentence on here.
Im not waiting either. He is forever in my heart and mind but thats it. I can relate to a previous comment where they said they had no desire to face them again in this life time. Your life has continued with or without them, its time you will never get back so make the most of every moment. Dont look back...only forwards. X

Illuminata007 · #9 22-01-2016, 01:06 PM

lunapixie, I could have written everything you wrote. I just turned 48, this is not how I envision my mid-point in life to be. I also used to have many opportunities for relationships in the 10 years since my divorced, I would get out of these situations because I just knew there was something greater out there for me and I met him 5 years ago. It was very unexpected and I didn't handle things well. Since meeting him, I cannot get into a relationship with anyone and it is not for lack of trying and I don't think it is just because they are less available men. It is so strange. I am definately not waiting.... He is back in my life and we are trying to be friends, whatever

taurusnsane · #10 22-01-2016, 01:44 PM

Can I ask a question. For over a year, why dont you contact themselves? You dont have anything to lose and one time years ago when we had our first separation, I told him to never contact me and later he said he was afraid to contact because I said this way to him. So when you left them, then ofcourse they wont be coming back WHEN YOU were the one leaving. So go figure.

The longest is 3 months. And he reached out himself every time.