What have I learned so far? -Runners draining chasers energy?

[clueless]

Since last time I posted I got undeniable proof in real life that this man doesn't care about me to the point that he would rather see me starving to death than to return me money I lend him.

I contacted him leaving voice messages on his answering machine saying that I really need my money back (its been almost ten years, its more than a fair amount of time for him to start paying back money he took from me, I explained why I need it and how bad I need it - I went into many details how I'm struggling making ends meet and how I really- to the point of literal starvation -need my money back. Of course he did what every crook and thief would do -ignored everything.)


What have I learned so far?
-Runner needs your energy even if that is energy of anger towards them, as long as you have intense emotions towards them - they are feeding off it.

While lurking last couple of weeks I read your discussion about "love bites" and things like that, I personally am choosing to not evoke duality -God and devil or extraterrestrials and so on- but Im not sure that there is something to the theory that runners or call it soul connection counterparts that are running - feed off energy we send them, be it consciously or subconsciously, be it thru sending love in 5d, or thru meditation, thru daydreaming, visualizing, thinking or whatever we are doing.
I'm convinced now that they need our energy, especially energy of love, acceptance and admiration -although I don't know how that actually works- Im sure they need it.

Once I stopped giving him my love and admiration and offering him my friendship and especially once I made clear by my words in 3d that I lost lots of love and all my respect towards him, my longing, pulling, yearning, everything I felt for 18 years just stopped - it was like him pulling away knowing he cant get that anymore from me


-Intense longing is caused by runner "activating" cord pulling in some way, I don't know how, but I know for sure now based on my 18 years experience, in a way I was yearning for him all my life- all the time 24/7 but there was a time of extreme intense longing that I'm sure now is caused by my runners feelings not by my own.

I know i was yearning, wanting, needing, thinking of him 24/7 but there was a period of intense longing that wasn't my own, wasn't something caused inside my own psyche, it was his energy.


-I was my runners "mirror" in real life, he wasn't mine.

When I stared asking him to return back money I lend him, I start talking to him about greed, how materialistic he is, about how he acted like a common thief and worse than a pickpocket by robbing me, I told him about how I felt like I was just a walking wallet to him nothing more... - and knowing that he is greedy and materialistic and always complaining of the lack of money and how hes wife is materialistic, now I'm sure I was reflecting back to him everything he feels he is in his own life to her and their kids.

Also to quickly add , while leaving him voice messes I felt compelled to tell him how I feel his parents would be greatly disappointed that he became greedy, materialistic person in his old age. I just felt compelled to talk about his parents and the way he brought up, and I did, it was like they in a way spoke thru me, and bare in mind I don't know them in real life and I also don't know if they are still alive or not. I just heard my self saying to his voice machine - "you are not brought up this way, you are better than this, what are you doing, what kind of man you became? "

-Once I start talking to him, how I lost all respect towards him, how I don't feel joy about him and his existence, how my love towards him has shrink to almost nothing and so on - I felt liberated but also I felt like all yearning, and longing and pulling I ever felt started to fade away.

I always though once I found out that he in fact does not care about me, Ill be crushed and broken but so far I'm not - quite the opposite- so far I feel liberated and lighter than ever and also I'm not in pain so far. Its been almost a month now, and this intensive pain and also anger subside, I just hope that pain wont reappear again.


-Ive come to terms that my role in his life was to in a strange way reconnect him with his wife, since he is wiling to see me starving rather than returning money he took from me, just to show to her that he doesn't care about me. Also my role was to show him love, if not unconditional then just crazy, long-lasting love I had for him for last 18 years and to reflect back to him how greedy and materialistic he is.


-Sadly I feel like I was some kind of instrument in God or Universes hands in order for Universe to show him those things, I feel like in terms of relationship with that man, God hasn't treated me as a human being but as some kind of instrument to show things to my supposed SC-guy.

-His purpose in my life is questionable.
If I say I learn never to love or to trust again, it would be realistic but also that shouldn't have been "divine purpose" .

I learn that my stupid brain for some reason believed for longest time that this guy has some kind of feelings towards me, so its my brains fault somehow.
They say there are such things as soul vibrations but that is just a fancy name for me to say I was idiot believing that this guy had at least some kind of friendly feelings towards me.

-Overall I feel like this guy somehow, in a deep,subconscious level felt my initial love and admiration towards him long time ago, when we first connect in 3d, back in 1999. and ever since then he in a strange and unexplainable way had some kind of energetic gain from my energy of love and admiration and my devotion towards him.

As any selfish person as he is, when he saw opportunity to take some money from me he did back in 2005. -but money was just 3d "divine instrument" of our separation and now it was the ultimate proof that this guy does not nor he ever cared for me in a way I cared for him.

To be quite honest now I feel like my obsession towards him and having him as a part of my life was him pulling me towards him energetically. - I don't know how to explain this, I know it doesn't make much sense but that's how I feel.
I believe now that is the main reason why some of TF or SC runners never feel compelled to contact chaser or to bother with chaser since they dont need chaser as a person they need chasers energy of love, acceptance and admiration.

My only concern now is will pain or anger reappear since I wouldn't like that. I just wish that pain, anger and longing is gone forever, same as this guy from my life.

[Ariaecheflame]

Co - dependency - addiction and obsession. You have touched on 3 huge templates of clearing. I just passed through my own regarding co - dependency.

I was a 'runner' - running away from myself anyway. I also used to send out insane amounts of energy to a particular soul. I received some past life templates to clear just recently - I had linked this habit to a life where I was enslaved behind bars and this soul had offered me a key out - but only if he could 'claim' me - I would live and be a servant for him. I thought about taking the key and fleeing but felt as though I would only die or be killed out in the wilderness anyway. I choose to rot away in prison. From there on I continued to give away my freedom with each life with the belief that I had to choose either self - sacrifice or death.

Lots of lifetimes and I kept choosing between self sacrifice, giving away my power to others or physical death in the pursuit of freedom.

This time I have decided to re-write all of that and choose freedom in this life - freedom without spiritual death.

Forgiveness is a necessary step - forgiveness for self and for the soul who was part of this realisation. The soul who I reclaimed my energy from was playing a role in teaching me how to live in my own power. Now that I have been able to forgive myself and the other - I realise the lesson which I have received in love.

The next thing I did was asked my higher self to reclaim all the energy I had given away over this lifetime and all other lifetimes. I also asked for this energy to be healed when it returned to me.

I also envisioned myself back in the prison choosing to take the key and flee - learning that physical death is nothing if the spirit is free.

I then affirmed to my higher self that I was done with these lessons of co - dependency and that I now live in my own power from here on.

That was about 2 - 3 weeks ago and so far, so good.

I am still tidying up a few bits and pieces of the lesson but for the most part - true freedom has been restored.

Congratulations on recognising this pattern, it is very common for this pattern to come up for clearing in this path.

Remember to forgive yourself and the other- and send sorce love to your own heart as you move through this template.

Peace to you.

[clueless]

emeraldheart

thank you :)
I read you thread about liberating your self :)
At least you know about your past lives and you gain some kind of deeper meaning of it.
I dont have any insight about my past lives or anything,
tbh back in 2009-10 I just remember walking up from a dream and feeling like I know I was his mother in the previous life, but I shook this notion away as a figment of my imagination and never thought of it again, till I discovered "twin flames" and remembered that notion I had....

Thank you , Ill try doing what you did and I just hope pain and anger wont reappear ever again :)

Best of luck to you too to reclaim you life :)

[GadGirl]

I have to tell you that while I'm no longer involved in this Twinflame, many reasons....I can tell you that I was always exhausted meeting this person. Looking back on his behavior it was nothing less then narcissistic. I've found explanation for this...I believe them to me spiritless...hence the Matrix/Astral twin explation

[Ariaecheflame]

Trust yourself in your healing as well - even if you put your past life memories to just imagination - they are still serving a purpose to assist your healing -

reclaiming our trust in ourselves is an act of self love.

I felt drawn to mention that I also found myself drawn to wear a lot of citrine as I was coming through these lessons of empowerment.

I made myself a beautiful citrine bracelet, it helped me as I drew back in my own power to my solar plexus and also helped me to reconnect with joy - which is part of freedom and owning our own power

As my solar plexus came back to its power lol - I needed to ground the energy - set boundaries and new foundations for myself. I actually wore an anklet with grounding stones too for a little while - nothing too overpowering - and just as my personal power centres were coming back online!

Trust yourself though - with everything - do what feels right for you - that is probably more important than all the rest!

[GadGirl]

The woman Eve Lorgen uses the term Alien in respect to the paranormal aspect but I believe them to be fallen. There is explanation I found in Biblical Scripture about people with out a spirit that are arrogant. I've also studied the book of Enoch that has a lot of insight.. Anyone interested is welcome to PM Me. I don't want to preach but if you are willing to listen Id be happy to share my insight...

[clueless]

GadGirl
thanks
I actually wasn't tired after our physical meetings
Somehow I believe, in my case, at least, the more we were close physical and spent time face-to-face things were "normal" and he didn't have that much of impact on me, hard to explain
and the less we were physical and the more energetically it became - the more impact on my energy he had.
And also ever since I discovered term TF for the first time, last year, I believe that I could feel his deep-rooted energy of anger - it was like he was sending me for me to feel his anger (I posted a thread on this forum about it too)
This huge anger I felt it felt like it wasnt mine it was his repressed anger that somehow got thru me.

Yeah I opened that site you were talking about, so far I dont know what to think about it. As for him I believe that he is not happy in his own life and he needed for some deep energetic reason love and admiration from me.

emeraldheart
thank you
It is interesting to see what others did to find solace and peace :)

Yeah I also came up to idea of putting small mirror facing mirrored side outwards next to my face and chests for couple of seconds, since I read so much about "mirroring" - I know it is silly, but the amount of anger and pain I felt last couple of months it was unbearable to the point I would do anything for the pain and anger to stop :)

[Ariaecheflame]

It sounds as though you are very close to surrender - If you are tired you can ask your higher self to take over healing for you - you don't have to do everything all by yourself.

Peace to you.

[ForgedInFire]

.. ugh this makes me sad to hear of this clueless. i would recommend that you leave that man up to the universe to be dealt with how it sees fit. trust me if any twin does cruel things to the other.. they do get justice for it. But dont worry or expect a certain outcome of that may happen.

I've recently learned that usually love and money blocks are one in the same. do try to do inner work and resolve them.. they do like to hide unconsciously so sometimes it helps to write out a list of your beliefs about love and a separate one about money. you'll be surprised what may turn up that you wasnt really aware of before.

Stay away from that alien love bite garbage theres no need to add more confusion for yourself with fraudulent theories. And also.. dont take 3d junk advice from those who arent twin flames either.

[GadGirl]

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

.. ugh this makes me sad to hear of this clueless. i would recommend that you leave that man up to the universe to be dealt with how it sees fit. trust me if any twin does cruel things to the other.. they do get justice for it. But dont worry or expect a certain outcome of that may happen.

I've recently learned that usually love and money blocks are one in the same. do try to do inner work and resolve them.. they do like to hide unconsciously so sometimes it helps to write out a list of your beliefs about love and a separate one about money. you'll be surprised what may turn up that you wasnt really aware of before.

Stay away from that alien love bite garbage theres no need to add more confusion for yourself with fraudulent theories. And also.. dont take 3d junk advice from those who arent twin flames either.

You dont know what you are talking about.......you dont know me you know nothing about me...It wasnt the Alein things I was pointing out it was the Narcissitic Stories was my main motivation for suggestion. As far as surrender I stopped my Journey right as the surrender stage. I had that experience where you merge in the astral realm and it felt like fire.....I stopped the entire thing right after that. I dont care what you think of me forgedinfire. Yes I was exhausted and even my health suffered from this. The individual I dealt with would almost demand attention then withdraw if he didnt get it. Also very sensitive to criticism when I learned about narcs I cant believe I miss the writing on the wall.