I think I'm a sociopath

I'm probably being more transparent than most people would ever be, but I have become increasingly concerned about myself... as I have gotten older and learned some things about human nature and psychology.

I'm not a psychologist, but from the things I have studied about behavior patterns, I seem to fit right into the sociopathic category... in reflecting back on my life and my own behavior. And I'm not being sarcastic or funny, but this is very real. My own mother once told me that I have just the personality of a psychopath. That may sound shocking to you, but she wasn't being mean and I knew why she was saying it.

I have always been a very introverted person, to the point that I didn't even realize how I came of to people. I didn't think I was THAT quiet, but people have always asked me why I'm so quiet. To me, I just feel like I have nothing to say. But it's like everyone I come in contact with asks me the same thing. And this has been throughout my whole life: I'm 29 now. I've even been asked several times, "What's wrong with you? (accompanied by a disgusted look, of course), or I will hear people whispering it to someone else, or it will get back to me somehow that people were saying I'm "weird."

I have always been one to drift off into a fantasy world of my own. There are other things that I won't go into...

I'm now reading this book on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, titled "The Wizard of Oz And Other Narcissists." And I'm only a few pages in, but I've already seen many of my own character attributes within it.

It terrified me at one point. And for a long time, I have hated myself, wondering why I had to be born this way, or what happened to me to make me this way. I honestly don't understand "What's wrong with me." But there seems to be little help for people like myself who want to be free of the narcissist within. I have looked up and down for books on the subject (because it's not like I can go to someone and tell them I think I'm a sociopath), but they always seem to be demonizing the narcissist (rightfully so) or showing people how to respond to one. It makes me wonder, is there any hope for a narcissist? Serious question. Is narcissism something I can overcome? If so, how?

Stop self diagnosing....

A psychopath or borderline psychopath doesn't diagnose themself...well ok maybe some might but very few..they believe the delusions they make up - can convince themselves they are perfectly normal, AND go about convincing any therapists they are as well.

How do I know? My father seemed to be one, never diagnosed but wow yeah...bad mojo.

IF you truly believe you need help with these things seek professional help, stop trying to do it yourself. Get second and third opinions, so you can be sure.

I can identify with many different descriptions of psychopathic tendencies too. WE all have some. It's called human nature. I would off the top of my head say your a hypochondriac more than anything...

I am not a dr. I wouldn't listen to my advice for jack, but I do love psychology and so it's likely I have read all the same things you are reading now at some point.

Last but not least, there is always hope.

Get an evaluation done, don't just read books.

You've taken a step beyond what most of the people that others turn their nose up at achieve just by wanting to not be a scummy person. That's respectable and relevant, even if I have no knowledge of your actual personality or issues. I have no experience besides running into my fair share of nasty people, so that's really all I've got for you.

If you're really worried, talk to a professional.

Originally Posted by Fire7

I'm probably being more transparent than most people would ever be, but I have become increasingly concerned about myself... as I have gotten older and learned some things about human nature and psychology.

I'm not a psychologist, but from the things I have studied about behavior patterns, I seem to fit right into the sociopathic category... in reflecting back on my life and my own behavior. And I'm not being sarcastic or funny, but this is very real. My own mother once told me that I have just the personality of a psychopath. that may sound shocking to you, but she wasn't being mean and I knew why she was saying it.

I have always been a very introverted person, to the point that I didn;t even realize how I came of to people. I didn't think I was THAT quiet, but people have always asked me why I'm so quiet. To me, Ijust feel lie I have nothing to say. But it's like everyone I come in contact with asks me the same thing. And this has been throughout my whole life: I'm 29 now. I've even been asked several times, "What's wrong with you? (accompanied by a disgusted look, of course), or I will hear people whispering it to someone else, or it will get back to me somehow that people were saying I'm "weird."

I have always been one to drift off into a fantasy world of my own. There are other things that I won't go into...

I'm now reading this book on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, titled "The Wizard of Oz And Other Narcissists." And I'm only a few pages in, but I've already seen many of my own character attributes within it.

It terrified me at one point. And for a long time, I have hated myself, wondering why I had to be born this way, or what happened to me to make me this way. I honestly don't understand "What's wrong with me." But there seems to be little help for people like myself who want to be free of the narcissist within. I have looked up and down for books on the subject (because it's not like I can go to someone and tell them I think I'm a sociopath), but they always seem to be demonizing the narcissist (rightfully so) or showing people how to respond to one. It makes me wonder, is there any hope for a narcissist? Serious question. Is narcissism something I can overcome? If so, how?

The real problem is you so easily labeled yourself as narcissist/sociopath although you very probably have no idea who you really are.

I would suggest you practice self-forgiveness and stop judging yourself. When you stop judging yourself, and forgive yourself, YOU CHANGE. You are not the same person you think you are.

You really have no idea what you are. Don't listen to your mother but don't accuse her neither. It is not her fault, nor your fault. It is just life.

3d

I can't be sure if you are a narcissist or not, but I do know that a very common and significant factor or narcissist personality disorder is the inability to know about or admit to any personal flaws. Most narcissists are not going to think that they are narcissists because their disorder is designed to prevent them from being aware of any personal flaws. They tend to see themselves as too superior and special to have a flaw like narcissism, or they'll say something like their narcissistic traits are not a disorder and doctors and society just call it that because they are jealous or something.

The genuine narcissists who know that they are narcissists and that this is a disorder seem to treat it like something that makes them special, or they'll become an expert on the disorder and use it to make themselves feel superior that way. In other words, most genuine narcissists won't become aware that they are narcissists unless they can do this in a way that helps them feel special and superior somehow... They'll only know about it knowing about it is useful to them to make themselves feel special and better somehow, which is a symptom of the disorder... You see this a lot in Sam Vaknin, who has written most of the freely available information about narcissism. He uses his disorder to propel his online presence and career. Much of the stuff he writes about narcissism is true.. for him. But not all of it is accurate about narcissists as a whole. And all of it is a manifestation of the disorder.

[Silver]

It's most definitely not a crime to be a quiet person. I'm one and I know a lot of people who are. I'm OK with it, though. Maybe you're worried atm about connecting. I get that myself but it passes. Only you know why you put it out there that you feel you just might be a sociopath, and that your mother mentioned to you she thought you were, too. Those moments where she said that to you, didn't they follow some sort of confrontation about a problem? People often say out of sheer frustration at communicating about issues "You need help." I've had it said to me, I've said it to others. It doesn't necessarily hold water, it's just something said in the heat of the moment. I hope you can find your way through this issue. I've just started learning how to "EFT" and would like to suggest you check out some of Xan's threads for information and links to learn all about this technique. I hope it helps you out.

Fire have you had anxiety attacks? Nervous episodes?

Trouble eating and sleeping?

Issues focusing etc?

i know very little about the lable of sociopath, but, and someone correct me if i'm wrong, arent sociopaths the last ones to be concerned about thier relationship with society? Or being a sociopath?

Would suggest what others here have suggested, seek expert opinion from a professional, you ARE worth it.

The problem with trying to self-classify is that these classifications are based purely on positive descriptors and do not contain any negative descriptors like "a sociopath would not ...." So when you read it, its easy to focus on the similarities and near impossible to focus on dissimilarities because they are never indicated. Sentient is right, a sociopath/psychopath wouldn't give a **** about understanding themselves. You do, Fire, so there you have it. Stop trying to find a label. Be yourself, and if you want to change, then change for yourself and not other people.

I went through a phase in my puberty years where I was writing dark fiction, scenes of rape and violence. It's a form of self exploration without actually having to do the stuff. Hell, Sci-Fi and Fantasy writers write that kind of stuff all the time.

You really need to stop judging yourself by the faces everyone puts forward. Go visit a renfair or http://www.burningman.com/ and see if you're really any different than people that express themselves freely.

Or if you're into skinning and dissecting animals, there's a promising career as a vet or taxidermist in your future.

There are ways of expressing yourself, whole fetish communities that probably cater to similar vices.

I know nothing about you mate. But unless you're actually performing a physical or emotional act of violence or rape, I could care less what goes through your imagination.

Originally Posted by Topology

I went through a phase in my puberty years where I was writing dark fiction, scenes of rape and violence. It's a form of self exploration without actually having to do the stuff. Hell, Sci-Fi and Fantasy writers write that kind of stuff all the time.

Interesting.... I always thought it just made for good stories when I did. lol