Caring nature ending up hurting me

Originally Posted by mysterious

I think its in my nature to just simply care about things and people and I tend to pick up other peoples burdens/concerns without knowing it - like a mother would. However then what happens is is that i am left in the end feeling used and unappreciated and like i am living my life for all these others and my life gets left behind - but then i don't know what I would be doing in my life anyway.

I like supporting people, in the sense of helping with chores and emotional help and I don't have a job since I am happy with just helping out doing this and lazing at home but then I am getting older and should have my own money coming in for my future.
It scares me that I am getting left behind in life but too comfortable to do anything about it.

What keeps happening is that i help someone then get angry that i keep getting used when they act selfishly and not see my efforts, then I vow to not do this again for people or that same person and then time passes and I end up helping someone again as they genuinely need help. << See the stupid cycle I keep getting caught in and I always end up feeling **** about myself and hurt.

I think the reason why i keep helping or being concerned with people is because I genuinely care about them not always but most the time, its like if i see them hurt I get hurt and feel like I should do something, even with strangers (though i don't see a stranger instead i just see a person like you or me).

I feel like the mother who isn't a mother that feels guilty to do anything for her own life.

How do I end this cycle I keep getting caught in, what can I do next time it happens in the future?
(It feels like my job/purpose to help people I do it so automatically most times).

Face your selfless side and guilt...you need to bring you into the picture and do things without the underlying hidden unexpressed feelings in you present..because they will always surface until faced fully.

Your nature is to care and give, its the contamination of what was tossed on you, most likely as a child growing up that contaminated that care...

Balance is a great teacher..first in you..then for others..

[CSEe]

Perhaps you are just fulfilling your desire , your emotion , your greed , your fear and keep on doing what you do as what you do is what you wish to do , what you want to do or what you desire to do . There is nothing you could "do for others" even you give your own life for others as what you do is just fulfilling your desire to do .............
So if you continue believing what you do is for others ,helping others or to ease others burden , you will always confused in your own faith as what you do is actually fulfilling your emotion ...never others .
Thks
CSEe

Originally Posted by Smiler

Meadow hi

This is very true ..if one remembers...the mind unlocks the memories when the person is able to handle them...impossible to force open IMO

quote: because self analysis and self reflection is very helpful for changing what drives us to act certain ways, as well as changing how we perceive others.

Possibly. I wasn't suggesting that the op has blocked memories though - that would be completely unethical. The point I was making, was that if people are pointing out that the op's feelings and actions may be due to unresolved issues, this isn't disrespectful (as it has been treated) it can be helpful and much more kind than saying what is most likely to make someone feel better about themselves.

Originally Posted by Smiler

Hi I think you are an empath .. It is a bit of a journey putting the energy into you instead ..and not feeling guilty.

It is wonderful helping people ...Some people know how to emotionally manipulate to get an empath to do things for them .
Maybe take three deep breaths before you do something and ask yourself ..Do you want to do it?

I personally like manners ..Not all people use manners though. Oh well :)

Love & light
:)

I agree with this.

Learning to understand who you are and the nature of your gifts--how certain people may identify you as a good hearted person and try to use that to their advantage--will help you to learn how to draw clearer boundaries and defend them.

You will come to the realization of why you are drawn to these people when you are ready.

Have you heard of the drama triangle? The roles in the triangle are so common in society but not too many people seem to have heard of it or are aware of it..

Maybe Google the drama triangle and see if this resonated with your situation..

Being aware of it is the first big step in breaking free of it!

[Gem]

Originally Posted by mysterious

I think its in my nature to just simply care about things and people and I tend to pick up other peoples burdens/concerns without knowing it - like a mother would. However then what happens is is that i am left in the end feeling used and unappreciated and like i am living my life for all these others and my life gets left behind - but then i don't know what I would be doing in my life anyway.

I like supporting people, in the sense of helping with chores and emotional help and I don't have a job since I am happy with just helping out doing this and lazing at home but then I am getting older and should have my own money coming in for my future.
It scares me that I am getting left behind in life but too comfortable to do anything about it.

What keeps happening is that i help someone then get angry that i keep getting used when they act selfishly and not see my efforts, then I vow to not do this again for people or that same person and then time passes and I end up helping someone again as they genuinely need help. << See the stupid cycle I keep getting caught in and I always end up feeling **** about myself and hurt.

I think the reason why i keep helping or being concerned with people is because I genuinely care about them not always but most the time, its like if i see them hurt I get hurt and feel like I should do something, even with strangers (though i don't see a stranger instead i just see a person like you or me).

I feel like the mother who isn't a mother that feels guilty to do anything for her own life.

How do I end this cycle I keep getting caught in, what can I do next time it happens in the future?
(It feels like my job/purpose to help people I do it so automatically most times).

I don't know man, but you like supporting people and helping out and in the end you feel like ypu're being left behind, and you feel like you get used too and getting hurt. You say you think you want to have your own money coming in but are a too comfortable to do something about that too, and then that the whole cycle leaves you with guilt, and what I'm really hearing here is, you want to do something for yourself, have a carreer or something and see some money coming in.

You ask how can you stop the cycle,,,and I don't know, but I know change can be really uncomfortable sometimes... so if it's change you want to see, then maybe some discomfort is the ticket.

Originally Posted by mysterious

How do I end this cycle I keep getting caught in, what can I do next time it happens in the future?
(It feels like my job/purpose to help people I do it so automatically most times).

I think the best place to start is always with yourself ...
Thinking in terms of help yourself so others can help themself ...
Getting a job is easier said than done ...
However, you can always look into volunteer opportunities: animal shelters, senior centers, government services, etc ...
As a volunteer, you can fill the need to help people while establishing a network of people in a position to hook you up w/full time paid employment ...
Who knows you might also find your calling ...
Make certain you only do this work on site for the organization ...
Remind yourself, pay must be offered for any outside work ...
Some seniors need help w/domestic chores while some people may require care for their pet while on holiday ...

Another option is to register w/a private temporary job agency (better your chances w/more than just one agency) ...
Sometimes, it can lead to full time employment if the client purchases your contract from the temp agency ...
Placement is rather quick depending on the agency's availability of jobs, a person's skills & personal criteria (distance willing to travel, pay, work conditions, etc) ...
Minimum wage jobs always seem to be available ...

Make yourself #1 ...
Good luck ...