Running Again

I can't take it anymore. I'm going to let this go again after only two weeks. I know we will be back together. I have no clue when but I can't keep fighting him when he does nothing to help me. Flowers and necklaces don't make up for the deceit he has laid upon me. I have trust issues. I have control issues. He has made me see this with our latest physical connection. How do I make him see the things he accuses me of are in him?!?!? That those are things he needs to fix. I'm sick of being projected on like he is doing. I can't take it when I am trying to heal myself.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by lil_Jean

I can't take it anymore. I'm going to let this go again after only two weeks. I know we will be back together. I have no clue when but I can't keep fighting him when he does nothing to help me. Flowers and necklaces don't make up for the deceit he has laid upon me. I have trust issues. I have control issues. He has made me see this with our latest physical connection. How do I make him see the things he accuses me of are in him?!?!? That those are things he needs to fix. I'm sick of being projected on like he is doing. I can't take it when I am trying to heal myself.

explain your situation,
whats making you unhappy?
whats he doing thats frustrating you?
don't make ultimatums, don't tell him off, don't shout or push him, tell him whats making it impossible for you to stay and walk away, then he will go work on what he needs to till you do that you wont trigger any growth in him.

Originally Posted by lil_Jean

Flowers and necklaces don't make up for the deceit he has laid upon me. I have trust issues.

I'd settle for flowers. Instead I get my TF updating her FB page with a picture of her with her arms around a new boyfriend.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

I'd settle for flowers. Instead I get my TF updating her FB page with a picture of her with her arms around a new boyfriend.

ahahahah sorry dont mean to laugh, however in all fairness you have a pic up with your wife, reflections!!!!

Well we are having financial issues. I have money and he has none. I hold him accountable yet help in the same. I made him put his truck up for collaterall for a loan to pay off his accruing debt. The vehicle/loan is in my name. When he couldn't make payment on it, I became responsible. So I told him to sell it or surrender it. He lied to me on 1/2/12 saying he was going to sell it to a friend (who I talked to that hasn't talked to TF in months). Instead he ran off with his ex-girlfriend who was supposedly getting beat up by her bf and needed help. Whatever. I believe him when he says they didn't do anything intimate in the week he was with her not answering my calls, but the fact that he was deceitful about the whole thing is frustrating. I paid off the truck loan. He's worked a little bit and used his earnings to buy me gifts throughout the couple weeks we've been back. But he just up and does whatever he wants and doesn't tell me anything. Last night we went out for dinner. He was going to go get gas for his truck and ended up at a buddies house for an hour?!?!?!/! wth. How can you trust someone that does that. So I locked the doors. He doesn't live with me but likes to think he does. I mean who knows if TF is coming or going... EVER. I can't tell if he's honest or lying. He told me he could lie right to my face but doesn't cause he loves me. Now I have trust issues and am just supposed to forget about it when it takes 1.5 hours to run and get gas a block away. Sick of it. Sick of trying to trust him when he treats me like ****. So I told him today I was leaving town for the weekend and he can have a taste of his own medicine. Now all of a sudden I'm so emotionally abusive and **** because I am acting like him. Whatever. Over it. He's 33 and won't ever grow up.

Sorry I'm ranting. I know I'm new here but I'm new to the whole TF aspect of things. I just get so frustrated and can't take it. There's no talking once we start pushing like this. Maybe it will need another 5 year break in there for us to mature enough individually to rejoin physically. Who knows? I just know I can't do this.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by lil_Jean

Well we are having financial issues. The this is HIS issue, i'm sorry but do not fall into a trap of giving someone money until you trust 100 percent you will get it back lover or not, if it's a husband thats different a boyfriend is dodgy ground, my motto, if you can't afford to loose it, don't lend it, unless someones dying. This pretty much will save you many arguments later.

I have money and he has none. I hold him accountable yet help in the same. I made him put his truck up for collaterall for a loan to pay off his accruing debt. The vehicle/loan is in my name. When he couldn't make payment on it, I became responsible. So I told him to sell it or surrender it. He lied to me on 1/2/12 saying he was going to sell it to a friend (who I talked to that hasn't talked to TF in months). Instead he ran off with his ex-girlfriend who was supposedly getting beat up by her bf and needed help.i think this is bad behaviour, you need to tell him that hurts you and you Whatever. I believe him when he says they didn't do anything intimate in the week he was with her not answering my calls, but the fact that he was deceitful about the whole thing is frustrating. I paid off the truck loan. [COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]BIG BIG MISTAKE, THIS IS HEADING FOR DISASTER, please stop giving this guy any of your money tf, soul connection, whatever, you are not accountable to pay for his things right now, especially when he is being deceitful to you. He should not be asking you to be honest im angry at him! but you are enabling his bad behaviour to continue and he's not going to learnt he things he needs to learn! [/color]He's worked a little bit and used his earnings to buy me gifts throughout the couple weeks we've been back. But he just up and does whatever he wants and doesn't tell me anything. Last night we went out for dinner. He was going to go get gas for his truck and ended up at a buddies house for an hour?!?!?!/! wth. How can you trust someone that does that. So I locked the doors. He doesn't live with me but likes to think he does. I mean who knows if TF is coming or going... EVER.[COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]you have trust issues, he is abusing them, ifhe wants to stop at a mates for an hour i think thats cool? he just needs to drop you a little text to say he's doing that, if your scared he's with another woman, then you don't trust him and maybe thats what you are being given lessons to get over?[/color] I can't tell if he's honest or lying. He told me he could lie right to my face but doesn't cause he loves me. Now I have trust issues and am just supposed to forget about it when it takes 1.5 hours to run and get gas a block away. Sick of it. Sick of trying to trust him when he treats me like ****. So I told him today I was leaving town for the weekend and he can have a taste of his own medicine. Now all of a sudden I'm so emotionally abusive and **** because I am acting like him. Whatever. Over it. He's 33 and won't ever grow up.

Sorry I'm ranting. I know I'm new here but I'm new to the whole TF aspect of things. I just get so frustrated and can't take it. There's no talking once we start pushing like this. Maybe it will need another 5 year break in there for us to mature enough individually to rejoin physically. Who knows? I just know I can't do this.

[COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]i know having a soul connection makes this harder but you have to say to him what you can't live with and that you can only take him back if he changes, be strong enough to walk and DONT lend him money, we all know acting how you should with a soul connection is 40 times harder than somone normal but till you learn to love yourself and only be treated how you deserve to be you;ll be in this situation in 10 years.[/color]

Calmer words of wisdom now that I got that out....

I see he is scared. That is why he leaves like that. I am scared. It's why I want to run. Why I want to treat him like I feel I'm being treated. How do we meet half way? How do you make sense of this chaos and meet half way?

Quick re-briefing... We have known each other 12 years. We were really close friends for 3 years before exploring a relationship further. Once we started that, we started running. We have run 5 time over the course of 8 years with months and years inbetween each meeting. We live different life paths and still find each other. This time we have come to accept how lucky we are to find each other and realize there is nothing that will break our bond. What we can't accept (well me and reflected on him) is that it is so hard and neither of us wants to put that extra effort into it.

[miss_believed]

lol sorry this is tough love i KNOW it's hard but i think the lessons in this is not letting people walk all over you just cause it's so hard.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by lil_Jean

Calmer words of wisdom now that I got that out....

I see he is scared. That is why he leaves like that. I am scared. It's why I want to run. Why I want to treat him like I feel I'm being treated. How do we meet half way? How do you make sense of this chaos and meet half way?

Quick re-briefing... We have known each other 12 years. We were really close friends for 3 years before exploring a relationship further. Once we started that, we started running. We have run 5 time over the course of 8 years with months and years inbetween each meeting. We live different life paths and still find each other. This time we have come to accept how lucky we are to find each other and realize there is nothing that will break our bond. What we can't accept (well me and reflected on him) is that it is so hard and neither of us wants to put that extra effort into it.

you dont give him ultimatums, you can't change him you can only change yourself and he can only change him, but by walking away and having the strength when he's not doing things that make you happy and hes behaving badly, or at least confronting him saying you can't be with him if he treats you like this, then he will be forced to work on himself, sure he might run at first but then in a few months hell be back tail between legs to try again, and whilst you stick to your guns he'll be learning.
the good thing is also the bad thing you can't shake himt he connection will remain till lessons are learnt noone can say how long it ll take him could be days, weeks, months years but his connection wont die so one day he has to change his ways and come back to you if he wants some peace in the whole situation

thats my take.

His friend called saying he was crying. Yeah he was teary eyed when I told him it was ** he went to a friends without telling me. I told him he doesn't act like part of our family and he just does his own thing. If he wants to be a part of it, he needs to step up or get out.