Christians anonymous

This is a thread for everyone who is escaping Christianity or religion. It's not easy to emerge from something you've been taught all your life. This is a continuation of something that was started in the "I'm a Christian" thread. But if you haven't read it, here's a bit about my background.

I accepted Jesus into my heart at a young age and grew up in church and christian school. I always felt like, there must be more to it then this. So when I was about 18 I stopped watching tv and listening to "secular" music. Pretty much all I did in my spare time was read my Bible and play songs I wrote for God on my guitar. I was a totally obsessed Jesus Freak lol. I felt a higher power loving people through me. Over time I started seeing evidence that the bible was totally misinterpreted. I saw people of other religions in a whole new light. I knew when I saw a monk who was more full of love and humility then anyone I'd ever met, that I didn't have all the answers. And there was even more to "it" then I had been taught. I guess you can say I've never been satisfied taking someone else's words for things. I want it to make sense, and I want to experience it. Now I see that as a "christian" I lived in so much fear, that I am now set free from.

Feel free to post about your background, thoughts about leaving a religion, or experiences here. Most of all if you're leaving religion, I want you to know you're not alone.

The hardest thing about leaving for me, was that everyone I knew were Christians. My homeschool group, everyone on the christian-mommies forum. And more importantly, my parents and sisters, my in-laws and friends. And these were people that I saw every single week, and we were the best of friends. I knew when I told them I wasn't really a Christian anymore nothing would be the same. And it's not. I finally understood what Jesus was talking about seeking God with all your heart, and even being willing to leave your family to do it. I needed space to figure out who I was, which meant being alone for a while, where I wasn't going to be condemned by anyone, or coerced to join back in. (Luckily my husband was going through the same thing. My son and him were my whole world for months.)

Unfortunately, at the same time I was going through this, one of my little sisters was going through a divorce. I offered her some advice, but of course it didn't mean much coming from a "Back-sliden christian" (which is an ironic term considering that I wasn't going to a place I had ever been before, but rather growing.) I couldn't be there for her the way I wanted to be, because every time I was around her, it brought me down, I was judged, and it just wasn't beneficial.

Now I see them, and nothing is the same at all. I love them so much, and I always will, but I can tell they felt abandoned by my absence. I know I did the right thing though, so I don't feel bad about any of it. It's just kinda hard to start from scratch. And if there are any like minded people that live around me I haven't found them yet.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Newfreedom9

Now I see them, and nothing is the same at all. I love them so much, and I always will, but I can tell they felt abandoned by my absence. I know I did the right thing though, so I don't feel bad about any of it. It's just kinda hard to start from scratch. And if there are any like minded people that live around me I haven't found them yet.

Great thread! When I first got out of the fundamentalism I wanted to find like minded people too and there were some on the internet. When I was in it, there was the outside world and our little Christian world that we saw as separate. It's weird that we would see ourselves as separate and different in our minds. That people on the outside didn't understand and God was in our lives and not theres. We'd hear stories of Christians in far off lands getting persecuted, and assumed that the world hated us too because we know Jesus.

We were not separate from the world, we were very much a part of it. But we didn't see things that way. If someone would have told us that we would have thought they have no idea what they're talking about. Our world was really in our minds, we were blinded to the fact that were just like everyone else, and couldn't see we were just crazy Jesus freaks that thought our group was special. The world didn't hate us, when they got mad it because of the way we acted. People don't like to be talked down to. It's belittling and demoralizing, extremely rude and subtly aggresive. When one group is so sure they're above everyone else, it comes out in their speech, body language, and even appearance. We treated people like they needed what we had, but we had no idea what they needed. We just assmed they were sinners needing our Jesus. We didn't udnerstand that we were bigoted, delusional snobs.. we just thought we were full of the love of Jesus for the poor lost sinners. LOL

Now I see everyone as equal. Christians are people just like everyone else, struggling to find their way through life.

Yes, I totally agree, people are people. So simple. I'm curious, did you have to leave your family and friends too? Were you completely surrounded by Christians, and what started it all for you? How did you escape?

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Newfreedom9

Yes, I totally agree, people are people. So simple. I'm curious, did you have to leave your family and friends too? Were you completely surrounded by Christians, and what started it all for you? How did you escape?

No I didn't have to leave my family because they never became fundamentalists like I did. I wasn't completely surrounded by Christians because I went to school, but all my friends were Christians and I only hung out with Christians. When I started thinking for myself, my 'friends' didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I remember them saying how hurt they were that I didn't believe like them anymore. It's sad that they would be hurt by something like that, instead of being hurt by how much pain they were causing. Of course, they didn't think about that.

I'm not sure what started it, like I said before I saw alot of what goes on in churches and I guess it got to be so much that I started to trust my feelings inside. I escaped by fighting to trust what I felt inside and allowing myself to think. For awhile I discussed my feelings on the internet and that helped. I had a lot of fear that I was making a deadly mistake, but I pushed through the fear with everything I had. Then eventually the fear went away. I remember distinctly one night, towards the end of the struggle, I faced the fear and it was terrifying like facing death. But I faced it, and then it went it away.

Yeah, there were a lot of fears I had to work through too. I know what you mean about it being kinda like facing death. Not just the fear of hell, but about other stuff too. Like my fear of ghosts, demons and aliens. Some people might not even think this stuff exists, but I've seen at least some evidence that something/being exists that we can't see. Some of that I worked through in dreams (and lucid dreams). Some of it was a decision. Oh and my fear of what other people thought might have been one of the strongest ones. That is one I've bout conquered but still struggle with at times.

Thinking for yourself is totally key. It was like a lost art for me. In fact I realize now, that I barely had any opinions that were mine before. It was all stuff I'd been taught. How sad is that?

I had a very low opinion of myself too. What with being taught I was a worthless sinner all my life, whose heart was wicked above all things. Gosh scripture can really be twisted to encourage you to beat yourself and others to a pulp.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Newfreedom9

Yeah, there were a lot of fears I had to work through too. I know what you mean about it being kinda like facing death. Not just the fear of hell, but about other stuff too. Like my fear of ghosts, demons and aliens. Some people might not even think this stuff exists, but I've seen at least some evidence that something/being exists that we can't see. Some of that I worked through in dreams (and lucid dreams). Some of it was a decision. Oh and my fear of what other people thought might have been one of the strongest ones. That is one I've bout conquered but still struggle with at times.

Thinking for yourself is totally key. It was like a lost art for me. In fact I realize now, that I barely had any opinions that were mine before. It was all stuff I'd been taught. How sad is that?

I had a very low opinion of myself too. What with being taught I was a worthless sinner all my life, whose heart was wicked above all things. Gosh scripture can really be twisted to encourage you to beat yourself and others to a pulp.

Those are all the same fears I had, and I still worry about what people think sometimes. But nothing like the way it was before. People are extremely concerned about what others think in those type of churches. I also had fear of ghosts, aliens and demons. I had sleep paralysis sometimes and thought demons were beating me and throwing me around the room. Sleep paralysis is different than dreaming because you're awake, but still experience the demons of your nightmares. It was terrifying and I had no one to talk to about it.

After I faced my fear of leaving Christianity, I had a dream about an alien. Usually in my dreams they would be chasing me and I would running for my life. But this time I stopped running in the dream, and turned to face the alien. Turns out it was a little tiny spaceship with a cute little alien inside. Since then I've never had those nightmares.

Funny, something similar happened in one of my dreams. Although, it was like this scary monster thing that was chasing me and some dream person around trying to rob us. He was about to catch us at the elevator when I stopped running and turned around. I told him "Hand over your money!" lol. He didn't, but he didn't really look scary at all after that.

The most freeing dream for me, though was one about a ghost. It was a little girl ghost who lived in the bathroom, and every time I went in there, she would freak me out by trying to talk to me. Anyway, in my dream my sister told me just to tell her to stop talking. So the next time I saw her I said, "Please go away." And she started to cry. I suddenly saw that although she was a ghost she was really just a lonely little girl who wanted someone to talk to. So I hugged her, and felt a love for her. I haven't been scared of ghosts since.

It's so great not to be scared of that stuff anymore.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Newfreedom9

I had a very low opinion of myself too. What with being taught I was a worthless sinner all my life, whose heart was wicked above all things. Gosh scripture can really be twisted to encourage you to beat yourself and others to a pulp.

Absolutely. Being told that you're a sinner over and over, and that your so bad a man had to be tortured and murdered for you, all that affects a person. And you can't even listen to your heart because its wicked. You're so evil that you deserve to be tortured for eternity. Those are all horrible things that might have been useful in their day, but today are tantamount to abuse.

Yeah, and I always felt bad for hating the crucifixion story. It was so violent and horrible, I dreaded Easter service. I remember when the Passion came out and everyone was like, oh you should watch that, it's so good. So I did, and it was just awful! I'm glad I will never see another Easter play in my life!!